[1545] in Humor
[HUMOR] How not to die
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Aug 5 11:31:44 1996
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 05 Aug 1996 11:20:20 EDT
Date: Mon, 05 Aug 1996 02:28:34 EDT
From: Erik Nygren <nygren@MIT.EDU>
From: Katy King <t-katyk@microsoft.com>
>From: Betsy King <kingb@cftnet.com>
>Subject: HUM: How Not to Die (**1/2)
>
>How Not To Die: The Dumbest Deaths in Recorded History
>
>Attila the Hun:
>
>One of the most notorious villains in history, Attila's army had
>conquered all of Asia by 450 AD--from Mongolia to the edge of the
>Russian Empire--by destroying villages and pillaging the countryside.
>
>How he died: He got a nosebleed on his wedding night
>
>In 453 AD, Attila married a young girl named Ildico. Despite his
>reputation for ferocity on the battlefield, he tended to eat and drink
>lightly during large banquets. On his wedding night, however, he really
>cut loose, gorging himself on food and drink. Sometime during the night
>he suffered a nosebleed, but was too drunk to notice. He drowned in his
>own blood and was found dead the next morning.
>
>- - --------------------
>
>Tycho Brahe:
>
>An important Danish astronomer of the 16th century. His ground breaking
>research allowed Sir Isaac Newton to come up with the theory of gravity.
>[more directly - his observations allowed Kepler to develop his Three Laws
>of planetary motion, which still hold up today - Drew]
>
>How he died: Didn't get to the bathroom in time
>
>In the 16th century, it was considered an insult to leave a banquet
>table before the meal was over. Brahe, known to drink excessively, had a
>bladder condition -- but failed to relieve himself before the banquet
>started. He made matters worse by drinking too much at dinner, and was
>too polite to ask to be excused. His bladder finally burst, killing him
>slowly and painfully over the next 11 days.
>
>- - --------------------
>
>Horace Wells:
>
>Pioneered the use of anesthesia in the 1840s
>
>How he died: Used anesthetics to commit suicide
>
>While experimenting with various gases during his anesthesia research,
>Wells became addicted to chloroform. In 1848 he was arrested for
>spraying two women with sulfuric acid. In a letter he wrote from jail,
>he blamed chloroform for his problems, claiming that he'd gotten high
>before the attack. Four days later he was found dead in his cell. He'd
>anaesthetized himself with chloroform and slashed open his thigh with a
>razor.
>
>- - --------------------
>
>Francis Bacon:
>
>One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century. A statesman,
>a philosopher, a writer, and a scientist, he was even rumored to have
>written some of Shakespeare's plays.
>
>How he died: Stuffing snow into a chicken
>
>One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a snowstorm and was struck by
>the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in
>the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a
>chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then, standing outside in
>the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The
>chicken never froze, but Bacon did.
>
>- - --------------------
>
>Jerome Irving Rodale:
>
>Founding father of the organic food movement, creator of "Organic
>Farming and Gardening" magazine, and founder of Rodale Press, a major
>publishing corporation.
>
>How he died: On the "Dick Cavett Show", while discussing the benefits of
>organic foods.
>
>Rodale, who bragged "I'm going to live to be 100 unless I'm run down by
>a sugar-crazed taxi driver," was only 72 when he appeared on the "Dick
>Cavett Show" in January 1971. Part way through the interview, he dropped
>dead in his chair. Cause of death: heart attack. The show was never
>aired.
>
>- - --------------------
>
>Aeschylus:
>
>A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider him the
>father of Greek tragedies.
>
>How he died: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head
>
>According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and attempt to crack
>them open by dropping them on rocks. An eagle mistook Aeschylus' head
>for a rock (he was bald) and dropped it on him instead.
>
>- - --------------------
>
>Jim Fixx:
>
>Author of the best selling "Complete Book of Running," which started
>the jogging craze of the 1970s.
>
>How he died: A heart attack....while jogging
>
>Fixx was visiting Greensboro, Vermont when he walked out of his house
>and began jogging. He'd only gone a short distance when he had a massive
>coronary. His autopsy revealed that one of his coronary arteries was 99%
>clogged, another was 80% obstructed, and a third was 70% blocked....and
>that Fixx had had three other attacks in the weeks prior to his death.
>
>- - --------------------
>
>And finally there's Lully, one of our favorite 16th-century composers,
>who wrote music for the king of France.
>
>While rehearsing the musicians, he got too serious beating time with his
>staff, and drove it right through his foot. He died of infection.
>
>
