[1479] in Humor
HUMOR: Signs of the Times
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Wed Jun 12 09:50:26 1996
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 09:33:43 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 00:14:40 -0800
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
From: "archerp" <archerp@aisx.com>
The following are actual signs seen across the good ol' U.S.A.
_____________________________________________
At gas eateries through the nation: Eat here and get gas.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a
glass container.
In a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while you wait.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses
uncivil ought to see the manager.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to
the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same
spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but
Sunday.
On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted
unless with child.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy
On a New Hampshire medical building: Martin Diabetes Professional
Ass.
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning
your home.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
In a toy department: Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!
On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the
Episcopal Church.
On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest
possible prices and workmanship.
At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards: Now available in
multi-packs.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife.
Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17
necks.
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits,
$10. They won't last an hour!
On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced
Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
On a Pennsylvania highway: Drive carefully. Auto accidents kill most
people 15 to 19.
In downtown Boston: Calahan Tunnel -- No end
In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated
when you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.
In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: Now serving live lobsters.
On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.
On a movie marquee: Now playing: ADAM AND EVE with a cast of
thousands!
In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave
please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking
flowers from any but their own graves.
On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
On the grounds of a public school: No tresspassing without
permission.
In a library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the
public stops taking it away.
On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is
impassable.
Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read
this, it's time to wash your car.
And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise
untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says "Do not
throw stones at this sign."
