[1473] in Humor
McDonnell Douglas warranty card
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Victor P Morales)
Tue Jun 4 16:20:13 1996
Date: Tue, 04 Jun 1996 16:03:41 -0400
To: shapere@MIT.EDU
From: Victor P Morales <vicmoral@MIT.EDU>
Cc: HUMOR@MIT.EDU
>X-Sender: jdhinter@po9.mit.edu
>Date: Tue, 04 Jun 1996 15:43:11 -0400
>To: humor@MIT.EDU
>
>>
>> AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
>>
>> Important! Important!
>>
>>Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
>>
>>Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
>>order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
>>fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
>>questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
>>new products that best meet your needs and desires.
>>
>>1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
>>
>>First Name____________________Initial____Last Name_________________________
>>
>>Latitude________________________Longitude__________________________________
>>
>>Altitude________________________Password, Code Name, Etc.__________________
>>
>>2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
>>
>> _F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-19A Stealth _Classified
>>
>>3. Date of purchase: Month___________Day___________Year____________
>>
>>4. Serial Number____________________
>>
>>5. Please check where this product was purchased:
>>
>>_Received as Gift/Aid Package
>>_Catalog Showroom
>>_Sleazy Arms Broker
>>_Mail Order
>>_Discount Store
>>_Government Surplus
>>_Classified
>>
>>6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you
>>have just purchased:
>>
>>_Heard loud noise, looked up
>>_Store Display
>>_Espionage
>>_Recommended by friend/relative/ally
>>_Political lobbying by Manufacturer
>>_Was attacked by one
>>
>>7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your
>>decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
>>
>>_Style/Appearance
>>_Kickback/Bribe
>>_Recommended by salesperson
>>_Speed/Maneuverability
>>_Comfort/Convenience
>>_McDonnell Douglas Reputation
>>_Advanced Weapons Systems
>>_Price/Value
>>_Back-Room Politics
>>_Negative experience opposing one in combat
>>
>>8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
>>
>>_North America
>>_Central/South America
>>_Aircraft Carrier
>>_Europe
>>_Middle East
>>_Africa
>>_Asia/Far East
>>_Misc. Third-World Countries
>>_Classified
>>
>>9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase
>>in the near future:
>>
>>Product Own Intend to purchase
>>Color TV
>>VCR
>>ICBM
>>Killer Satellite
>>CD Player
>>Air-to-Air Missiles
>>Space Shuttle
>>Home Computer
>>Nuclear Weapon
>>
>>10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all
>>that apply:
>>
>>_Communist/Socialist
>>_Terrorist
>>_Crazed (Islamic)
>>_Crazed (Other)
>>_Neutral
>>_Democratic
>>_Dictatorship
>>_Corrupt (Latin American)
>>_Corrupt (Other)
>>_Primitive/Tribal
>>
>>11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
>>
>>_Cash
>>_Suitcases of Cocaine
>>_Oil Revenues
>>_Deficit Spending
>>_Personal Check
>>_Credit Card
>>_Ransom Money
>>_Traveler's Check
>>
>>12. Occupation You Your Spouse
>>
>>Homemaker
>>Sales/Marketing
>>Revolutionary
>>Clerical
>>Mercenary
>>Tyrant
>>Middle Management
>>Eccentric Billionaire
>>Defense Minister/General
>>Retired
>>Student
>>
>>13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate
>>the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
>>participating on a regular basis:
>>
>>Activity/Interest You Your Spouse
>>Golf
>>Boating/Sailing
>>Sabotage
>>Running/Jogging
>>Propaganda/Disinformation
>>Destabilizing/Overthrow
>>Default on Loans
>>Gardening
>>Crafts
>>Black Market/Smuggling
>>Collectibles/Collections
>>Watching Sports on TV
>>Wines
>>Interrogation/Torture
>>Household Pets
>>Crushing Rebellions
>>Espionage/Reconnaissance
>>Fashion Clothing
>>Border Disputes
>>Mutually Assured Destruction
>>
>>Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
>>answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
>>Douglas serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to
>>receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
>>extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
>>
>>Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
>>
>>McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
>>Marketing Department
>>Military Aerospace Division
>>P.O. Box 800
>>St. Louis, MO 55500
>>
>>
>
>
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|Victor P Morales vicmoral@mit.edu|
|4 Ames St. |
|Cambridge MA, 02142 (617)225-6454 |
| |
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