[1467] in Humor
HUMOR CLASSIC: Problem Thinking
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Mon Jun 3 10:10:49 1996
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 03 Jun 1996 10:04:22 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Sun, 2 Jun 1996 20:52:25 -0800
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
From: jeff.snyder@octel.com
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at
parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one
thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a
social thinker.
I began to think alone -"to relax," I told myself - but I
knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more
important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and
employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read
Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and
confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I
had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of
life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the
boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it
hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real
problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have
to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
"Honey," I confessed... "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as
much as college professors, and college professors don't
make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any
money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she
began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library,"
I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche,
with a PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking
lot and ran up to the big glass doors...they didn't open.
The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out
for me that night.
As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass,
whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend,
is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably
recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's
Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I
never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a
non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we
share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the
last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
