[1459] in Humor
HUMOR: An AOL User
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Sat May 25 20:35:55 1996
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Sat, 25 May 1996 20:30:22 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Sat, 25 May 1996 01:07:32 -0500
From: mabehr@MIT.EDU (Michael Behr)
>From: glen mccready <glen@qnx.com>
>
>"Don't be that guy." - A fine, fine quote from the movie _PCU_.
>
>Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
>Forwarded-by: Peter Langston <psl@langston.com>
>Forwarded-by: Julie Mangin <jmangin@nal.usda.gov>
>
>July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the
>best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd
>better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me anther one! I can't
>connect. I don't know what is wrong.
>
>July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a
>modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he
>think I am?
>
>July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It
>wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
>
>July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old
>next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.
>
>July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online
>for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says
>that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does
>these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold
>me the modem. They didn't even tell me about communications software. Bet
>they didn't know. And why do they put two telephone jack holes in the back
>of a modem when you only need one? And why do they have one labeled phone
>when you are not suppose to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I
>thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the
>kid figured it out by the sound.
>
>July 26 - What's the internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not
>this internet thing. I'm confused.
>
>July 27 - The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this
>America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he is
>compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all.
>
>July 28 - I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer
>but nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone.
>
>July 29 - I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I'm
>connected to America Online not usenet.
>
>July 30 - These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters.
>How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters.
>Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.
>
>JULY 31 - I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT
>NOT HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS THIS
>CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A CHEAP
>KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISNT THE SAME
>SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT A
>STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT
>COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON
>OUR CONVERSATION.
>
>AUGUST 1 - I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT
>CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS ABOUT
>THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.
>
>AUGUST 2 - I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE
>ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HA!
>HA! I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE TIMES.
>
>AUGUST 3 - I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON'T NOW SPIDERS
>GREW THAT LARGE.
>
>AUGUST 4 - THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE.
>I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO REC.HUMOR.ORACLE.
>I WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22 MORE TIMES.
>
>AUGUST 5 - SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO USE
>PROFANITY.
>
>AUGUST 6 - SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. WHAT
>A STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING! HOW
>CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?
>
>August 7 - Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it? Its
>probably an extra feature that costs more money.
>
>August 8 - I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so exited.
>I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted
>it to every newsgroup I could find.
>
>August 9 - I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I will
>have to work on it some more.
>
>August 10 - I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few
>posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the
>earth. I wonder what an aol is.
>
>August 11 - I was asking where to find some information about something.
>Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked but
>I can't find that group.
>
>August 12 - I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking
>where the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I cant ask the
>kid next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my house he's
>laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework. So they wont
>let him come over anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I don't know
>why the rec.humor group didn't like my chicken joke. Maybe they only like
>dirty stuff. Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts of the joke and
>they used bad words.
>
>August 13 - I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet
>asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include my
>new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will want
>to read my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going to add that
>short story I like.
>
