[1434] in Humor
HUMOR: The speed of light questions
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Mon May 13 10:47:52 1996
Date: Mon, 13 May 1996 10:38:11 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
>Date: Sun, 12 May 1996 14:25:17 -0800
>From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
>From: geri@Rational.COM
>
> Recently I have been pestered with a series of deeply
>scientific questions...All evolving out of the age old
>question.....
>
>
> " If you're driving at the speed of Light and
> you turn your headlights on, what happens? "
>
>This was quickly followed by:
>
> " If you're driving at the speed of light and you:
>
> ... Turn your radio on, what station do you get?
> ... Hit an on coming freight train ...
> ... Stick your head out the window ...
> ... Turn on the windshield washer jets ...
> ... Honk your horn ...
> ... Downshift into first ... "
>
>Continuing along this line of scientific inquiry, what happens
>when you are going light speed in REVERSE and you ...
>
>
> ... turn on your headlights ...
> ... just barely avoid a car doing light speed the other
> direction ...
> ... honk the horn ...
> ... have to parallel park ...
> ... shift into first ...
> ... look in the rear-view mirror ...
>
>Which also brings up the question:
>
> " Could you get away with looking in the rear-view mirror,
> or would you have to turn around ??? "
>
> These are all facinating (and deeply disturbed) questions.
>But let us assume that you get a car that can travel the speed of
>light and you begin to unravel these age old mysteries *WHEN
>SUDDENLY* you are faced with an even more dreadful question:
>
>
> " If you're driving at the speed of light and get pulled
> over by an Oakwood Taxi-cop....What kind of fine are
> you gonna pay? "
>
> And believe me you are gonna pay....He ain't gonna buy the
>line:
>
>
> " 669,600,000 mph!! That's impossible, my car shimmies
> at 500,000,000 mph! "
>
> And he ain't gonna take the excuse that you didn't realize
>how fast you were going ... "Didn't you notice the Blue Shift,
>son."
>
>
> After doing some research (No, I did not recently get a
>ticket) I found that the fair city of Oakwood charges $1 for
>every 1 mph over the speed limit. So if you were pulled over for
>doing 669,600,000 in a 35 zone you would be charged:
>
> $669,599,965 + a $33 court fee = $669,599,998
>
> This does not include such subsequent fines as reckless
>operation, not wearing a seat belt, and DWI (Let's face it if you
>stopped for an Oakwood cop while doing light speed , you'd have
>to be drunk. Oakwood is roughly 2 miles across....You'd be out
>of his jurisiction in 0.00001 Seconds)
>
>
> A couple of other stats concerning a car capable of light
>speed. You'd flip the odometer in .537 seconds and need to
>change the oil every .053 seconds. I don't even want to get
>into the amount of gas it would use and at the current gas prices
>maybe a ticket isn't your first concern.
>
>
> But just think ... you'll be able to answer all those
>complicated questions. Be the first to own a light-speed car ...
>(Honest, it was only driven on Sundays by a little old lady who
>had to get to Epsion Indi and back).
