[1431] in Humor
HUMOR: NoTW
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Sun May 12 15:56:44 1996
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Sun, 12 May 1996 15:53:35 EDT
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
Date: Mon, 06 May 1996 09:05:01 -0400 (EDT)
From: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
From: notw-request@nine.org (NotW List Admin)
WEIRDNUZ.427 (News of the Weird, April 12, 1996)
by Chuck Shepherd
LEAD STORY
* Nudity in the news in February: Richmond, Tex., police charged two
teenagers with aggravated robbery; as a ruse to keep from being
identified, they had removed their clothes and walked around the
neighborhood pretending to be carjacking victims who had been robbed and
stripped. And Virginia legislator Robert E. Nelms was arrested for
indecent exposure in a Richmond park; he explained only that "the rushing
river had its effect on my bladder." And 40 people attended the first
Christian Nudist Conference in Longwood, N. C., where both robed and
unrobed ministers distributed communion and naked karaoke was the featured
distraction. [Houston Chronicle, 2-27-96] [Washington Post & .208,
2-23-96] [L. A. Times-AP, 3-3-96]
THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS
* In the middle of a cabinet meeting in Accra in December, the president
of Ghana, Jerry Rawlings, 49, brawled with vice president Nkensen Arkaah,
68. According to Arkaah, Rawlings punched him to the floor and then
repeatedly kicked him in the "groin" in a policy dispute. [Globe and
Mail-Reuters, 12-30-95]
* The U. S. Justice Department recently conducted a sting operation
against some Chicago officials who were suspected of taking payments for
facilitating illegal dumping. As the identity of the sting agent became
known, state Sen. Ricky Hendon, who was formerly a Chicago alderman and
who had in the past been suspected of corruption, told reporters proudly
that he personally had resisted the pressure by the sting agent. The
Chicago Sun-Times reported that Hendon said, "I hope I get some points
for not being corrupt this one time." [Chicago Sun-Times, 1-9-96]
* Noted championship eater Mort Hurst, who once ate 16 double-deck Moon
Pies in 10 minutes and 38 eggs in 29 seconds (which resulted in a stroke,
in 1991), announced in January that he would run for secretary of state
of North Carolina, against race-car legend Richard Petty. Asked if he
was intimidated by Petty's name, Hurst said no: "I been on Paul Harvey's
[radio] show; I don't think Petty has." [Durham Herald-Sun-AP, 1-21-96]
* The candidates for Oregon Senate, district 8, include Thomas Wilde, a
Democrat who, if he wins the primary in May, will face his wife,
Republican Melinda Wilde, in the general election. (Thomas started out
as Melinda's campaign manager but discovered that the two hardly agreed
on anything.) And running for the Missouri senate seat from Concordia
are husband Al (Democrat) and wife Janette Hanson (Republican), who both
face challengers in the August primary. [Eugene Register-Guard, 1-25-96]
[Independence Examiner-AP, 3-4-96]
* The Oklahoma Senate passed a bill in February that would end the
emerging bar sport of bear-wrestling, in which men fight small, declawed
bears. The maximum penalty for illegal bear-wrestling would be $5,000.
Sen. Penny Williams successfully introduced an unrelated amendment to the
bill raising the fine for abusing a former or current spouse, but she
could only get agreement to raise the fine for that to $2,000. [San Jose
Mercury News-AP, 2-29-96]
* Not a single person voted in the 25th Precinct in Tulsa, Okla., in the
city council primary in February. The county believes no one has lived
in the precinct for 20 years but operates the polling place for 12 hours
every election day because if someone does want to vote and can't, the
entire election could be negated. [Daily Oklahoman-AP, 2-7-96]
* Florida state Rep. Marvin Couch (R Oviedo) resigned in February, a week
after he was arrested on three misdemeanor sex charges. He was caught by
police in his car in a shopping center parking lot at noontime receiving
oral sex from a prostitute. Rep. Couch was a member of a legislators'
prayer-meeting group that called itself the God Squad. [AP wirecopy,
3-1-96]
SEEDS OF OUR DESTRUCTION
* Less noticed than his highly-touted intervention in Bosnia was Assistant
Secretary of State Richard Holbrooke's help in February in defusing an
imminent war between Greece and Turkey. The two nations had amassed
troops and warships for full-scale battle over the isle of Imia, a 10-acre
rock in the Aegean Sea, completely uninhabitable except for a few goats.
[Rocky Mountain News-AP, 1-31-96; Greensboro News & Record-AP, 1-31-96]
* In January, 600 blind "anmasa" (special masseurs and masseuses) came
from all over South Korea to protest a scheduled TV program that suggested
they were prostitutes. (The anmasa profession is limited to blind people,
to give them an enhanced opportunity to work.) About 100 of the men lined
up along a wall of TV station Channel 11 in mid-day and urinated on it in
protest. [Gulf Times [Qatar], 1-24-96]
* In sociologist Reginald Bibby's 1995 poll of a cross-section of
Canadians, 76% of those asked to name Canada's greatest living person
either responded "no one comes to mind" or declined to answer. More
recently, Toronto's Maclean's magazine concluded that Canada's most famous
person is Pamela Anderson of "Baywatch." [Globe and Mail, 1-31-96] [World
Press Review, February 1996]
* The village council of Bruntingthorpe, England, began consideration in
February of an elaborate plan to reduce the amount of dog poop in the town
of 200 people (and 30 dogs): The village would DNA-test the dogs and keep
the results on file for the purpose of matching the DNA to that on any
unscooped dog poop lying around the village, so as to punish scofflaws.
[The Barrie Examiner-CP, 2-26-96]
* Included in the holy matrimonial vows in February by Haitian President
Jean-Bertrand Aristide and his bride, lawyer Mildred Trouillot: "When
you [Mildred] see this ring, think of me and remember that you are the
attorney of the Haitian people." Mildred responded that Aristide should
think of his wedding ring as a symbol of her love and also a reminder that
it was better to fail by the side of his countrymen than to succeed alone.
[The Nation-Reuters [Bangkok], 2-6-96]
* Dr. Rolando Sanchez, the Tampa, Fla., surgeon with 15 minutes of fame
last year for amputating the wrong foot of a diabetic patient, filed a
claim against the city in March over a recent jogging accident, in which
he fell into a hole cut away for a sprinkler system and broke his arm.
[St. Petersburg Times, 3-13-96]
Copyright 1996, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights reserved.
Released for the entertainment of readers. No commercial use
may be made of the material or of the name News of the Weird.
