[1398] in Humor
HUMOR: Things to Live By
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Fri Apr 19 09:54:09 1996
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 19 Apr 1996 09:40:38 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Fri, 19 Apr 1996 08:17:50 -0400
From: pug@MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give
the wrong answers.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I
hate plants.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is getting better.
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
considering if there are men on base.
Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
2. Advising the President.
3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
-- David Letterman
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But
I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.
--Salvador Dali
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be
when you kill them. -- William Clayton
And finally...
When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important
lesson to be learned: Do not have sex with the authorities.
