[1382] in Humor
HUMOR: EZ-Net Pro!
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Mon Apr 8 23:58:48 1996
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 08 Apr 1996 23:43:33 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Mon, 08 Apr 1996 21:26:11 +0000 (GMT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
From: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: DNWU64A@prodigy.com (KEITH E SULLIVAN)
THE README.1ST FILE YOU WISH YOU HAD REALLY READ FIRST
By Michael Finley <mfinley@skypoint.com>
Exclusive to St. Paul Pioneer Press
IMPORTANT! This online file contains information not available at the
time the documentation for this product, EZ-Net Pro III+, was printed.
This version (READ119.ME 12/25/95) supersedes the 118 previous READ.ME
files. For a complete set of all READ.ME files, call 1-900-442-4444.
The fee for this set is $29.95, plus $.50 per minute of the call.
SPECIFICATIONS. The official minimum requirement for running EZ-Net Pro
III+ is 4 megabytes of RAM and an Intel 80386 microprocessor. Field
reports suggest, however, that a more optimal configuration might be 16
megabytes and a Pentium Plus.
WHAT'S NEW. EZ-Net Pro III+, Version 3.1 is an upgrade of EZ-Net Pro
III+, Version 3.0, released in October of this year. It includes fixes
of many of the problems reported in Version 3. It also includes online
wizards.
PRICING. The price for the complete EZ-Net Pro III+ is $399.95. The
price for the 90-day upgrade, including fixes and wizards, is $249.95.
TECHNICAL SUPPORT. Before you call, write down your CONFIG.SYS,
AUTOEXEC.BAT, WIN.INI, SYSTEM.INI, and EZPRO.INI files. Also write
relevant information from your CMOS file about hard disk type, IRQ
interrupts, expanded memory, extended memory, and DMA channels.
The hours for technical support are 2-4 PM, Tuesdays and Thursdays,
Honk Kong time. The number is 1-900-442-4444. Callers will be
assessed a $.50 per minute charge. Technicians answer calls in the
order they are made. Over 55% of calls are answered in the first
twelve minutes. Due to the popularity of tech support services, EZ-Net
Corp. is giving consideration at this time to adding an additional
support line.
Callers impatient with delays may be interested in our "Caller Waiting
Catalog," featuring programs and publications to help pass the time
online. Included is information about needlecrafts, scrimshaw, and
copies of our English phrase book for call centers. For more
information, call 1-900-442-4444.
INSTALLATION. To install, copy all the files from the disks supplied
with EZ-NET Pro III+ onto your hard disk. Load them in the assigned
order, from Disk #1 (Setup) to Disk #23 (Help Files). If your system
locks up during set-up, simply reboot and start again.
During installation, EZ-Net Pro III+ will create temporary files
consuming 80 megabytes of space, which will then be deleted upon the
completion of the installation. You may wish to delete permanent
programs to make room for these temporary files. EZ-Net Pro III+ will
create an indestructible EZ-Net group for the other fine programs in
the EZ-Net Corp. family of software applications.
Some users report difficulty in reading disks supplied with EZ-Net Pro
III+. These disks conform to the industry's most exacting standards
for tensile strength and are certified by an independent evaluator to
be as good as new. Before calling technical support, check to see that
your disk drives are properly aligned.
For best results, do not run EZ-Net Pro III+ concurrently with other
programs. Do not run EZ-Net Pro III+ in "turbo" mode. Do not run EZ-
Net Pro III+ near other electronic equipment, magnetic fields, power
lines or on portable computers. If your computer uses an internal
modem, disconnect the modem before using EZ-Net Pro III+.
EZ-Net Pro III+ can cause instability in Windows 3.1 and in Windows 95.
For best results, use Windows 3.0.
Do not expose disks to light.
Any use of EZ-Net Pro III+ that goes against implied and expressed
conditions stated by EZ-Net Corp. constitutes a violation of the
licensing agreement and renders the limited warranty null and void at
the discretion of EZ-Net Corp. and its assignees.
If trouble persists, see your repair entity or call Technical Support
at 1-900-442-4444. You will be assessed $.50 per minute of your call.
TROUBLESHOOTING. If EZ-Net Pro Net III+ does not work, the problem is
usually with your hardware. Check that all cables are securely
attached and that the power switch is in the "ON" position. If disk
bays emit smoke upon reboot, call 1-900-442-4444 for further
instructions. You will be charged $.50 per minute of your call.
EX-Net Pro III+ operates differently on different systems. While 100%
IBM compatible, problems have occurred with off-brand systems such as
Compaq, Dell, and Gateway. Switch to a 100% IBM compatible system and
most problems will disappear.
Feel free to play with the macro language described in your booklet
"Fun with the EZ-Net Pro III+ Scripting Language Ver.2" It is great
fun. If you can create a macro to return the user to the main menu
from the scripting utility, please call us immediately at 1-900-442-
4444. The $.50 per minute charge will be waived.
For additional problems, consult your user's manual "Operation Manual
for EZ-Net Pro III+ Version 3.1." Note that the errata sheet, inserted
in the inside front cover, contains several errors. Microsoft Corp. is
located in Redmund, WA, not Singapore. Our corporate motto has been
changed to "Concrete Solutions for Computer Applications," from
"Applying a Concrete Solution to Your Computer."
OUR GUARANTEE. We thank you for purchasing EZ-Net Pro III+. Our goal
is complete customer satisfaction. To be sure of your responsibilities
and obligations under this license, refer to the list in Appendix 1 in
your manual, entitled "What You May Not Do."
You are protected by the EZ-Net Pro III+ limited warranty. To invoke
this warranty, simply send us by registered mail the unopened box, with
disk envelopes still sealed, along with serial number, which is written
on Set-Up Disk #1. Include your original receipt and a return
authorization number. To obtain a return authorization number, call
customer service at 1-900-442-4444. As per the fine print of our
limited warranty, we will send you a new copy of EZ-Net Pro III+ free
of charge. Users will be assessed a $.50 per minute charge.
Egil Kvaleberg <egilk@oslonett.no> [alt.humor.best-of-usenet]
