[1370] in Humor
FAS - funny little stories
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Ted Weatherly III)
Thu Apr 4 15:04:04 1996
To: aaronp@MIT.EDU, jgreene@MIT.EDU, sxr49@MIT.EDU, fqadir@MIT.EDU,
cassys@MIT.EDU, lovgg@umd.umich.edu, sberman@umich.edu,
krsriniv@MIT.EDU, naimad@MIT.EDU, butta@netspace.net.au, liver@MIT.EDU,
sraymond@cougarnet.byu.edu, kw40stu@semovm.semo.edu, manju@MIT.EDU,
jdheidel@MIT.EDU, rshannon@nauticom.net, humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 04 Apr 1996 14:30:24 EST
From: Ted Weatherly III <tweather@MIT.EDU>
A doctor and a lawyer in separate vehicles collided on I-95 one
foggy night. The fault was questionable, but both were shaken
up, and the lawyer offered the doctor a drink from a pocket flask.
The doctor took the flask with a shaking hand and belted back a
couple of swallows. As the lawyer started to put the cap back on
the flask the doctor asked, "Aren't you going to have one too, for
your nerves?" "Of course I am," replied the lawyer, "after the
Highway Patrol gets here."
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to
an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he
notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book
about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the
longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps
his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns
over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow
and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife
again. This time he whispers in her ear,"Do you have a dentist appointment
tomorrow too?"
These three women were sitting around one night talking about
their boyfriends when they decided they would give their men nicknames
based on kinds of soda. The first woman said: "I'm gonna call Tom
"Mountain Dew" because he is as strong as a mountain and always wants to do it!"
The second woman said: "I'm gonna call Bruce "7-Up" because he has seven inches
and it is always up!" The third woman said: "I'm gonna call my man "Jack
Daniels. The other two women responded: "Jack Daniels? But that's a
hard liquor." The third woman replied: "THAT'S MY LEROY!"
A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the
night. As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole. He
watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to
himself, "Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my *thumb*"
Two kids were having the standard argument about whose father
could beat up whose father. One boy said, "My father is better than
your father." The other kid said, "Well, my mother is better than your mother."
The first boy paused, "I guess you're right. My fathers says the same
thing."
An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into
bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers. "Oh
honey", said the young nymph, "Does that mean we're going to do it three times?"
"No", said the old man, "It means you can take your pick."
-Ted <http://web.mit.edu/tweather/www/home.html>
"Remember that the FAS system is two-way:
If ye shall send out FAS,
ye shall also recieve some back."
