[1344] in Humor
HUMOR: A lot like Steven Wright...
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Mar 11 09:58:38 1996
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 11 Mar 1996 09:50:06 EST
Date: Sun, 10 Mar 1996 18:05:39 -0800
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
From: "archerp" <archerp@aisx.com>
These questions are great creative/brainstorming exercises. Try
answering them with "No, but.." Or "Yes, and..."
If you'd like a few of my answers for fun, let me know. I'll send a
couple.
And send me any real funnies you come up with! :-)
After eating do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the
water?
Can anyone do a decent Rich Little impersonation?
Can you tell how old a pirate is by cutting off his peg and counting the
rings?
Come tax time, can race car drivers deduct speeding tickets?
Did Oedipus call his obsession with his mother a "Me Complex"?
Did old Roman scholars ever have cardigan parties?
Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4s"?
Do indecisive squids discharge erasable ink?
Do horses ever get together for a game of "penny loafers"?
Do Scottish terriers get Scotch tapeworms?
Do those poker playing dogs own paintings of humans playing fetch?
Do guys who paint the inside walls of art museums suffer from severe
inferiority complexes?
Does distressed leather come from very tense cows?
Does the French militia use Dijon mustard gas?
Has an elephant ever been diagnosed with humanitis?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How do you display an easel?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with
soap?
If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he
automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?
If a Raindancer were to do the Twist, would he create waterspouts?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still
grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there a group, like Alcoholics Anonymous, for people who abuse
acronyms? If so, what do they call it for short?
Is there another word for synonym?
Is there such a thing as dried fruit flies?
Is it illegal to run into a crowded fire and yell "Theater!?"
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Just *before* someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in
their stomach?
Should animal shampoo be tested on humans?
Was there a less successful version of Cliffs Notes called Cliffords
Condensed Notations?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese
shredders?
When it rains in the summer, do cotton fields shrink?
When two funeral processions meet at an intersection, how do they
decide who has the right of way?
When a taxidermist stuffs his Thanksgiving turkey, does he leave the head
and feathers on?
When sign makers go on strike, do they carry blank picket signs?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be
thrown away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder
why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
Which came first, the chicken salad sandwich or the egg salad
sandwich?
Why do you see pet dogs wearing sweaters, but you never see pet
fish in bathing trunks?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why don't more masked robbers hold up ski lodges?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't
afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Will playing a Satanic message backwards turn a teenager into a heavy metal
worshipper?
