[1246] in Humor
HUMOR: Letter from MIT Admissions and Response
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Henning Colsman-Freyberger)
Fri Dec 15 00:27:55 1995
From: Henning Colsman-Freyberger <henning@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 15 Dec 1995 00:18:08 EST
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[forwards removed]
MIT certainly has a reputation to be proud of, but its admissions
department went a little over-board, I think. I actually received
this letter, and actually mailed the following (original) response.
April 18, 1994
Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567
Dear John:
You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And
now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised. Most
students would be.
But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to
consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.
The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful
indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It
certainly got my attention!
Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn
we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to
brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best
program in the country) to writing.
What? Of course, you don't want to be bored. Who does? Life here
*is* tough *and* demanding, but it's also *fun*. MIT students are
imaginative and creative - inside and outside the classroom.
You're interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity teams -
39 - than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural
program so everybody can participate.
You think we're too expensive? Don't be too sure. We've got
surprises for you there, too.
Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about
this unique institution? Why not do it right now?
Sincerely,
Michael C. Benhke Director of Admissions
P.S. If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure,
"Insight," just check the appropriate box on the form.
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May 5, 1994
Michael C. Behnke
MIT Director of Admissions
Office of Admissions, Room 3-108
Cambridge MA 02139-4307
Dear Michael:
You've got the reputation. You've certainly got the pomposity. And
now you've got a letter from John Mongan. Maybe you're surprised.
Most universities would be.
But you're not most universities. And that's exactly why I urge you
to carefully consider one of the most selective students in America,
so selective that he will choose only *one* of the thousands of
accredited universities in the country.
The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your letter is
a powerful indicator that your august institution might well be a
possibility for John Mongan's future education. It certainly got
my attention!
Don't want Bio-Chem students? No problem. It may surprise you to
learn that my interests cover over 400 fields of study, from semantics
to limnology, from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of the
youngest professionals in the country) to classical piano.
What? Of course you don't want egotistical jerks. Who does? I *am*
self indulgent *and* over confident, but I'm also amusing. John Mongan
is funny and amusing - whether you're laughing with him or at him.
You're interested in athletes? Great! John Mongan has played more
sports - 47 - than almost any other student, including oddball
favorites such as Orienteering.
You think I can pay for your school? Don't be too sure. I've got
surprises for you there, too.
Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to increase
your chance of being selected by John Mongan? Why not do it right now?
Sincerely,
John Mongan
P.S. If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure,
"John Mongan: What a Guy!" just ask.
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