[1216] in Humor
HUMOR: Important Questions
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Wed Nov 22 11:55:21 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Cc: bales@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 22 Nov 1995 11:31:46 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Tue, 21 Nov 1995 23:47:51 -0800
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
Subject: HUMOR: Does water sink or float?
From: "Wayne Pitts" <wpitts@Rational.COM>
For those who think that "Ask Marilyn" is a waste of valuable Parade
Magazine real estate, I submit a collection of questions that have
stumped her, taken from her October 11, 1992 column.
("Ask Marilyn" is a column in which Marilyn Vos Savant, listed in the
Guinness Book of World Records for having the highest measured IQ,
answers questions from her readers.)
Why do some men wear blue bikini underwear?
- V.C., El Cajon, CA
Does water sink or float?
- L. T., Tinley Park, IL
Whi is it that everyone else knows you have bad breath before you do,
especially when the nose is only one inch from the mouth?
- B. M. , Tempe, AZ
Why don't false teeth decay?
- Mrs. C. D. L. Cheraw, SC
I want to know if the light in the refrigerator goes out or stays on
when the door closes.
- L. H. K, Lewiston, IN
I want to pass on a neat tip: used dental floss can be added to soups
for heathful fiber reinforcement.
- G. M., Portland, OR
Do fish ever get thirsty?
- B. G., Alburquerque, NM
Is it possible to video record dreams?
- Mrs. S. Z., Summit, IL
Over the years I've eaten in many Chinese restaurants, and noticed
that none of them had windows. I have asked at many different Chinese
restaurants, and no one seems to know why. Is it for privacy,
tradition, or some other reason? Can you help me find out?
- L. R. S., Lincoln Park, MI
Do fish have necks? (P.S. Due to legal problems stemming from a
divorce, if you must publish the answer, please use a ficticious name
and address. Thanks much.)
- F. E. B., Fort Lewis, WA
How can a family of three make 27 bags of garbage out of six bags of
groceries? (P.S.: They *do* eat.)
- R. A. K., Sun Prairie, WI
What aspirin would you choose if you were stranded on a desert isle?
- S. S., Fort Walton Beach, FL
After death, will human flesh sunburn? I'm very curious about this.
- D. G. C., Richmond, VA
Do insects survive being slushed down the toilet?
- T. D., Fargo ND
This idea has been pestering me off an on for about 20 years. How did
the lady bug get its name? Also, is there a bug called the man bug?
- T. C., Astoria, MY
Will a ceiling fan cool a dog?
- L. B., Vero Beach, FL
My dog is an Australian shepherd, and I sometimes wondered what
language she would speak if for some strange reason dogs were able to
talk. Would she speak the language from which her breed was derived,
or would she speak English like my family? If she spoke English, would
she have an Australian accent?
- J. P., June Beach, FL
If you empty a swimming pool and fill it with cola, could you swim in
it, or would you sink to the bottom?
- M. H., Fountain Valley, CA
How could the Wizard be "of Oz" and also *be* Oz? This has stumped me
for a long time.
- C. R., Superior, WI
Where I work, we had a question about which is older: time or dirt. I
told them if anyone would know, Marilyn would know.
- F. J. D., Ambridge, PA
Do the rules of ethics change every 10 years? If not, how often?
- G. W. S., Washington DC
Was Gorbachev the first Soviet leader to weigh more than his wife?
- J. H., Carteret, NJ
Why does some car's enhaust smell like chicken soup?
- M. L., Stayton, OR
If all the women in the world sprayed their hair at the same time, how
would it affect the O Zone?
- M. J. W., Harrisburg, PA
If you melt dry ice, can you swim in it without getting wet?
- S. R., Newark, NJ
I'm a gifted student. I want to know how mice were discovered and
when.
- J. W., Camp Lejeune, NC
Why are earlobes the most underrated part of the human body?
- S. C., Brooklyn, NY
My question concens the exact time. I would like to know when (on what
date) it was started, where (at what location), how it was determined,
and who was involved.
- H. T. B., Baltimore, MD
I have a question for which I can't find an answer from either books
of knowledge or from my most intelligent friends: why do my dogs show
no interest in television?
- F. E. S., La Mesa, CA
I've heard that because rabbits have a high body temperature and their
body heat dissipates very fast through their long ears, they've been
used to heat houses. Can you tell me how many rabbits it would take to
heat a three-room apartment when the temperature outside is 45
degrees?
- F. K., Columbia, MD
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
>From "Ask Marilyn", October 23, 1994.
Once in a while I am disappointed with the questions you choose to
answer, because I consider them trivial, not worthy of your intellect,
but others really show your brilliance. Maybe this will stump you, but
I'm including a question that has intrigued me for some time. I hope
you can give me a serious answer. Why don't the Chinese use potatoes
in their food?
- H. C., Tampa, FL
In the Garden of Eden, after god created Adam and before Eve was
created, did Adam have sex organs? If he did, what for? And if he
didn't did God have to go back and "fix" Adam?
- M. L. M., Shippensburg, PA
We hear so much about global warming these days. Would it accomplish
any good if all the world's governments required their citizens to
turn on all their air conditioners in their homes and offices and cars
(on a specific day) and open all their doors and windows?
- M., New Orleans, LA
I would like to raise my IQ. Do you think bifocals would help? I would
also like to be a politician. P. S. How can I get into a think tank?
- P. B., North Painfield, NJ
How come so many squirrels are killed crossing the street? Don't they
know how to cross?
- J. H., Carteret, NJ
During the last Olympic Games, one contestent in the diving
competition did a series of spins and then straightened out into a
plain old belly flop! Wouldn't that have been a lot less painful if
the pool had been filled with "soft water"?
- G. A. G., Portland, OR
Have there been any biographies written about King Brian Boru, ruler
of Ireland from 976 to 1014? The books I've found only mention him
briefly.
- M. G., Warner Robins, GA
I've heard that television adds 10 pounds to your usual body weight.
Why and where?
- B. K., Los Angeles, CA
You know everything. How many parts does a typical automobile have? In
particular, how many parts are in a two-door 1979 Honda Accord (with
power steering and air conditioning)?
- D. E., Houston, TX
I have two questions to ask you that I've been trying to figure out
for ages: Is there life after death? And how can quick-dry spray make
your nails dry quicker?
- J. C., West New York, NJ
How come the Lord wanted us to have gums? Is there a significant
reason for having gums?
- S. C., Brooklyn, NY
H2O = water. Why can't people manufacture it? The formula seems simple
enough.
- E. F. R., Fresno, CA
On many products "natural flavoring" is listed as an ingredient. What
is "natural flavoring", and where can I get a bottle of it?
- S. P., Upper Marlboro, MD
Not being a mathematical genius, I usually pass on your brainteasers,
but I would be interested in knowing the odds of my pistol-grip hose
nozzle squirting me in the face when I drop it while washing the car.
It seems like 100%.
- C. S. B., Kernville, CA
I would like to know why flies can find their way into a house through
an open window, but they can't ever find their way back out.
- J. A., Portland, ME
Hypothetical question: In one fell swoop, God removes the thumbs of
every man, woman, and child on Earth! What do you believe would be the
major immediate, short-term, and long-term effects?
- C. W. S., Newport News, VA
You still haven't answered my questions about oranges and the cable
system. I have some other questions that I don't think you have the
answers to: What are we going to do when all of our "landfills" are
fill? Where is our clean water going to come from when our "dumps"
have contaimated all our wells? Those are my questions, Marilyn.
Forget about the oranges and the cable system questions. If you can
answer these, you will have done a good-enough job.
- J. E. N., Marion, OH
Why is he called the Lone Ranger if Tonto is always with him?
- J. H., Vaughn, WA
What happens to gum after it is disposed of? Does it rot away, or does
it stay on Earth forever?
- S. A., Frankenmuth, MI
Why do ducks have orange feet? This question came up in conversation a
couple of years ago, and no one seems to know the reason. Especially
since geese have black feet. Please help clear this up.
- C. J. S., Reston, VA
Why does a fly die when it's hit with a flyswatter?
- A. N., Lakeland, FL
I know your higher intelligence makes you superior in proble solving,
math, science, and social questions. The problem is this: My car needs
a transmission overhaul. The last man I had do one charged $460. Can
you overhaul my transmission for a reasonable price?
- B. P., Anitoch, IL
What are the odds of a person in Michigan getting dumped on by a bird?
How does getting hit by bird-droppings compare to getting hit by
lightning, cars, or lawn rakes -- and any other useful statistics you
may feel we in Michigan should know for safety reasons?
- J. S., Bay City, MI
How many cans of chicken noodle soup does it take to use up one
chicken?
- P. S., Holton, MI
Why do baseball players spit so much? Football players don't.
Basketball players don't. Soccer players don't.
- J. S. P., Savannah, GA
Why is it that if I have a hole in one sock at my big toe and then
move that sock to my other foot, the hole is still at my big toe and
not at my little toe, the way I expected?
- M. H., Vale, NC
Will you please explain how and why cockroaches turn over on their
backs when they die?
- F. E. J., New Orleans, LA
If humans use cow's milk for themselves, what do the cows use to feed
their young?
- D. L., Astoria, NY
It seems to me that you must really be lacking material for your
column when you choose to print some asinine letter about someone
eating corn on the cob into a perfect square. I wrote you a letter
over two weeks ago asking a real and pertinent question, yet you have
cosen to ignore it: Why are manhole covers round? (I'm making copies
of this letter, and I'll send one to you every week until I see it in
print.)
- B. B. B., Aurora, CO
------- End of Forwarded Message
