[1200] in Humor
HUMOR: Subject: WEIRDNUZ.402 (News of the Weird, October 20, 1995)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Tue Nov 14 14:36:56 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 14 Nov 1995 14:17:57 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Tue, 14 Nov 1995 17:07:27 +0000 (GMT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
From: notw-request@nine.org (NotW List Admin)
WEIRDNUZ.402 (News of the Weird, October 20, 1995)
by Chuck Shepherd
LEAD STORY
* According to an August story in the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, Kevin
Moore, 45, has been hounded for at least eight months by legal actions
instituted by Anne Victoria Moore, who claims--incorrectly, according to
police--that he is the Kevin Moore who was once married to her. She
perseveres even though various government agencies have informed her that
the man she is harassing is 11 years older than, six inches shorter than,
and facially dissimilar to, her ex-husband. First, she placed a claim on
the wrong Moore's house, then one on his bank account, and, in the latest
action, she filed charges against him for failure to pay child support.
[Roanoke Times-Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, 8-31-95]
THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT
* A July dispatch by the German news service Deutsche Presse Agentur
reported on Beijing's trendy "oxygen bars," where young professionals can
unwind at the end of a hard day in an increasingly polluted city by
inhaling fresh air at about $6 an hour. Special herbs and spices, some
of which have medicinal qualities, can be mixed in at a higher price.
[Chicago Tribune-Deutsche Presse Agentur, 7-2-95]
* According to its recent press release, the Beverly Hills, Calif., firm
Kevis Rejuvenation Programs, Inc., is marketing a hair restoring shampoo
that contains a cloned version of hyaluronic acid--the acid found in human
sperm. The acid adds body to the hair, but since sperm sells for $5,000
a kilogram, Kevis says it must charge $25 a bottle for its shampoo. [San
Francisco Chronicle, 7-27-95]
* Evelyn Daniels, 27, was rearrested in June in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.,
where she had been under house arrest on several drug charges. According
to police, her latest crime occurred when she was short on cash: She sold
the monitoring device the court had installed to keep tabs on her while
she was under restriction--for $5, to a pawnshop. [Miami Herald, 6-17-95]
* According to a September Los Angeles Times article, the Park Bench Cafe
in Huntington Beach, Calif., recently became perhaps the first restaurant
in America to offer its diners a menu for their dogs. Items for the
couple dozen dogs that might accompany their owners to dine on a good day
range from a plate of five dog biscuits (50 cents) to a ground turkey
patty (called a Wrangler Roundup, priced at $2.25). Dogs are leashed,
sit on the floor, and eat from disposable plates. [Los Angeles Times, 9-
10-95]
* A September Wall Street Journal story about emerging roadside
attractions in China featured Mr. Qian's Flying Dragon World Fun City, a
reptile showplace whose finale is a woman lying buried up to her neck in
writhing snakes, "everything aslither except her frozen smile." After
the show, a female worker told the reporter (as she sipped a glass of
snake-juice wine), "You have Disney, but we have snakes." [Wall Street
Journal, 9-6-95]
* In July, Margie Ostrower of Scarsdale, N. Y., formed Time of the Month,
Inc., and introduced her own blend of chocolate and "salty-crunchy things"
that she plans to market to women as a menstrual snack, PMS Crunch.
[Dayton Daily News-Cox News Service, 8-9-95]
* In May, the New York Times Magazine featured a line of fashions created,
modeled, and sold by inmates of the Oregon prison system. The jeans,
shirts, and jackets of the Prison Blues label are carried in about 400
stores in the U. S., and almost all income goes to the prisoner-workers
(with deductions for taxes, room, board, and victim compensation). [N. Y.
Times Magazine, 5-14-95]
WELL-PUT
* Accused Wausau, Wis., poacher John Sadogierski, allegedly to police
investigators who confronted him for killing and eating a trumpeter swan
and a sandhill crane and who was asked what the crane tasted like: "Bald
eagle." [St. Paul Pioneer Press-AP, 8-3-95]
* Houston, Tex., Judge Eugene Chambers, expressing his increasing
displeasure on August 16 (according to the Houston Chronicle) at guards
who required him to display his photo badge before entering the courts
building: "Up your [deleted] with a bucket of red paint." [Houston
Chronicle, 9-2-95]
* "Wild" Bill Goodwin, 71, denying to police investigators in May that he
was conducting orgies at his Costa Mesa, Calif., home: "We're not just
taking off our clothes and having sex. We've also got karaoke." [San
Francisco Chronicle-AP, 5-6-95]
* Tampa, Fla., sheriff's officer David Parrish, admiring the failed escape
attempt of inmate Ralph Johnson, who had a can of pepper spray concealed
in his rectum: "Some people are more talented than others." [St.
Petersburg Times, 5-22-95]
* Heidi Ansell, trying to get local police to oust drunken revelers who
were urinating into her yard from the fence of an adjacent motel, which
sits on a border between the California towns of Torrance and Lomita, but
finding both jurisdictions passing off responsibility to the other:
"Well, I guess if [the revelers]'re standing on the fence urinating, then
their butts are in Torrance and their penises are in Lomita." [[The Daily
Breeze, Jul95]]
THINNING THE HERD
* In September, Mr. Robert Kevin Brown, 31, passed away after his truck
plunged into a ravine alongside I-95 in Price William County, Va.
According to Virginia State Police, Brown had been dissatisfied that
traffic, at 55 mph, was moving too slowly for his taste and so leaned out
his window to make a gesture to another driver, which caused him to lose
control of his vehicle. [Washington Post, 9-21-95]
Copyright 1995, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights reserved.
Released for the entertainment of readers. No commercial use
may be made of the material or the name News of the Weird.
