[1188] in Humor
HUMOR: WEIRDNUZ.401 (News of the Weird, October 13, 1995)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Wed Nov 8 09:24:04 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 08 Nov 1995 09:19:51 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Wed, 08 Nov 1995 03:18:37 +0000 (GMT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
Date: Mon, 06 Nov 1995 12:05:03 -0500
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: notw-request@nine.org (NotW List Admin)
WEIRDNUZ.401 (News of the Weird, October 13, 1995)
by Chuck Shepherd
LEAD STORY
* In an August story on improvements to the Seattle, Wash., waste
treatment plant, the Seattle Daily Journal of Commerce reported on the
Vancouver firm that manufactures the hard-shell diving suits used by the
"pilots" who jump into the tanks and monitor effluent flow. The suits
provide air for up to 48 hours, contain voice and video connections to
the surface, and have thrusters for propulsion throughout the sewage.
The longstanding brand name of the diving suit is The Newtsuit.
(Republicans should relax; the suit is named after the firm's founder,
Phil Nuytten.) [Seattle Daily Journal of Commerce, 4-29-95]
THE LITIGIOUS SOCIETY
* Warren E. Smith filed a $3 million lawsuit in Roanoke, Va., in April
against palm reader Lola Rose Miller because she sold him bad numbers to
play in the state lottery. He is suing for the amount of that week's
grand prize, which he says he should have won. [Washington Times, 4-5-95]
* In May, Jose and Maria Tercero filed a lawsuit against the Santa Fe,
New Mexico, School Board and various officials for unspecified injuries
suffered by their son, Jesse, from the act of carving a jack-o'-lantern
last October. The Terceros said forcing Jesse to carve the pumpkin
violated his religious freedom because he does not celebrate Halloween.
[Albuquerque Journal, 5-22-95]
* The Minnesota Court of Appeals ruled in February that the King of Clubs
Bar in Minneapolis could be sued by a wife whose husband assaulted her on
the way home after the couple had stopped by the bar for a few drinks.
[St. Paul Pioneer Press, 2-21-95]
* In June, a jury in Pensacola, Fla., awarded nearly $600,000 to Pedro
Duran, 56, in his lawsuit against the CSX company. Duran lost his left
arm and suffered a broken back and leg when a CSX train hit him as he lay
on the tracks, passed out from a round of drinking. According to trial
testimony, an engineer spotted what he thought was a lump of trash on the
tracks and sounded the whistle as a precaution for 54 seconds before the
collision. However, the "lump of trash"--Duran--didn't move. [Orlando
Sentinel-AP, 7-1-95]
* In July, the Maine Supreme Judicial Court upheld a $40,000 verdict
against the Fort Kent Golf Club. Jeannine Pelletier had sued because, on
the 1st fairway almost ten years ago, she hit a golf ball that struck a
railroad track that cuts across the fairway, and the ball bounded back
and hit her in the face. [Boston Globe, 7-20-95]
* In May, Laura Carlton, 23, accepted an out-of-court settlement by the
City of Victoria, British Columbia, in her lawsuit for injuries she
suffered when a police officer inadvertently shot her during a raid. She
had sued for around $200,000--$50,000 of which was for her loss of
earnings as a prostitute, which she regarded as a stepping stone to a
future as an exotic dancer. [Edmonton Journal, 5-28-95]
* In August, Carolyn J. Christian and her minister-husband filed a
$160,000 lawsuit against a school that trains guide dogs after a blind
man, learning to use one of the school's graduates in a Bradenton, Fla.,
shopping mall, stepped on the woman's toe, possibly breaking it. (A few
days later, the Christians withdrew the lawsuit, citing public outrage.)
[St. Petersburg Times, 8-9-95]
I DON'T THINK SO
* Martin George Clever, 32, arrested in Lakewood, Colo., for burglary in
July, told police that he entered the home in the early evening because
he saw two naked dolls in the yard pointing to a sliding-glass door. He
said he thought they were inviting him inside. [Denver Post, 7-18-95]
* Charles McFarling, 39, cited by police in Indianapolis in June in a
traffic collision that killed a woman in another car, said he ran the red
light because he was thinking too intensely about material he had learned
the day before in a defensive-driving course. [Indianapolis Star, 6-7-95]
* In court testimony in August in the New York City terrorist bombing
trial, since-convicted Fadil Abdelghani testified that, although he was
caught on videotape stirring the bomb's oil and fertilizer, he had no
knowledge that he was making a bomb. Asked a prosecutor, "Something came
over you and you had an urge to start stirring?" Said Abdelghani, "I had
nothing to do, and I wanted to help [my cousin's friends]." [New York
Times, 8-23-95]
* Police in Collinsville, Ill., arrested Earl Templeton, 38, and charged
him with passing three counterfeit $100 bills. According to police,
Templeton said he was not trying to enrich himself but rather to stimulate
the economy. [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 6-17-95]
* In May, Dorothy Diane Rose, who is in a halfway house in Tampa, Fla.,
the result of a 1990 trial in which she was found not guilty by reason of
insanity for strangling her two toddlers, petitioned her judge in Tampa,
Fla., to be released because she has a job lined up. According to a
counselor, a local couple wants to hire her as a babysitter. [Tampa
Tribune, May95]
* In Sonora, Calif., in August, former U. S. Forest Service employee Gary
Gunderson, 43, was convicted of theft of what prosecutors said were
"truckloads" of items of government property. Gunderson said he might
have borrowed a few things but that because he suffers from Usher's
syndrome, which he said causes visual impairment, he wasn't able to see
well enough to realize that he had a lot more stuff than he thought.
[Sacramento Bee-AP, 8-31-95]
RECENT PASSINGS
* In March, in Rich Hill, Mo., Mr. Edgar Allen Poe, age 75; in April, in
Charlestown, R. I., Mrs. Eleanor Rigby, age 80; in May, of a fall just
after he reached the summit of Mount McKinley, Mr. Brian McKinley, age
37; and in Anchorage, Alaska, in September, Mr. Phillip Morris, of lung
cancer at age 45. [Kansas City Star, 3-23-95] [Providence
Journal-Bulletin, 4-12-95] [New York Times-AP, 5-8-95] [Anchorage Daily
News, 9-19-95]
Copyright 1995, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights reserved.
Released for the entertainment of readers. No commercial use
may be made of the material or of the name News of the Weird.
