[1187] in Humor
HUMOR: Misc. goodies
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Wed Nov 8 09:19:07 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 08 Nov 1995 09:15:12 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: 08 Nov 95 08:55:12 EST
From: Ismael Rodriguez <73420.3472@compuserve.com>
From: Art Mellor, INTERNET:art@midnight.com
From: art@midnight.com (Art Mellor)
To: humor@midnight.com
Subject: Humor List Digest Wed Nov 8 03:00:43 EST 1995
Please send submissions and address changes to art@midnight.com, not the list.
Please have anyone wishing to receive this list send mail to art@midnight.com.
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Table of Contents:
21 lines: Quote of the day
80 lines: One-Line Signatures captured from the Internet
18 lines: (NO SUBJECT)
51 lines: Humor List
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Date: Tue, 7 Nov 1995 05:50:01 -0700
From: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
Subject: Quote of the day
No one involved with "Waterworld" appears to have realized that
spending a hundred and seventy-five million dollars on a
movie that condemns excessive consumption and preaches the
wise use of resources might seem a bit disingenuous.
- Terrence Rafferty, in his review of "Waterworld" in "The New Yorker."
Submitted by: Harry Krishna <alpha@bi.fish.com>
Aug. 3, 1995
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Send quotes to qotd@ensu.ucalgary.ca
Send list changes or requests to qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca
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Date: Tue, 7 Nov 1995 03:21:17 -0500
From: SteveH1491@aol.com
Subject: One-Line Signatures captured from the Internet
One-Line Signatures captured from the Internet
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Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
Assassins do it from behind.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
All generalizations are false.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
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Date: Tue, 7 Nov 95 12:00:39 EST
From: anne.sawyer@gs.com (Ann Sawyer)
perhaps you can volunteer your home. ;-)
PALO ALTO, Calif. (AP) -- Barbie has been a glamour girl, stewardess,
businesswoman, astronaut and even royalty. Soon, she may be homeless.
The Barbie Doll Hall of Fame, which boasts more than 20,000 exhibits, is
being evicted so the new building owner can open a restaurant. "If
we're forced out of here, we have no place to go but the street," said
Evelyn Burkhalter, who owns the museum. Burkhalter is fighting an
eviction lawsuit filed by her new landlord Rowena Wu, who claims the
museum breached its lease by not providing adequate insurance for the
$2.5 million collection.
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Date: Tue, 7 Nov 95 14:31:59 EST
From: kimberly (Kimberly Deimel)
Subject: Humor List
WHAT AM I?
This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long.
The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually
found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a
clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other.
In use, it is quickly inserted almost always willingly, sometimes slowly
sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust
in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly
and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in
will most surely recognize the rythmic pulsing sound, resulting from the
well-lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a
juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning
from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening
shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids
have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of
rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its
bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.
WHAT AM I????
Answer Below
As you may have already guessed, the answer to the riddle is none other
than your very own...
TOOTHBRUSH
