[1185] in Humor
HUMOR: Why did the chicken...? (Star Trek style)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Mon Nov 6 08:48:09 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 06 Nov 1995 08:40:58 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Sun, 05 Nov 1995 14:31:27 -0500
From: Erik Nygren <nygren@MIT.EDU>
From: ajw@MIT.EDU
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
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Chakotay: Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its
right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.
Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in
this system. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.
Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.
Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.
HoloDoc: How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I
didn't even know we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that it
would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if
it had remembered to turn me off!
Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be
something wrong with the universe.
Dr. Soran: His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with
nanoprobes have been edited out.)
Scotty: Because she couldna take much morrrrrre.
Odo: I don't know, but I'm sure it must be Quark's fault.
Quark: Who, me?
Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...
Kirk: You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you
killed...my SON...you CHICKEN bastard....youkilledmy...son!
Troi: I feel the chicken's pain!
Kira: It was probably being chased by those cursed Cardassians.
Bones: Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!
Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the
20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal
should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind
of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to
why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a
conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir.
Dr. Bashir: It probably heard about my amazing medical skills not to
mention my sexual prowess and came to get some pointers.
The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.
Hugh the Borg: Maybe it just needed a big hug!
B'Elanna: I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the bleeping regulations of
bleeping Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!
Picard: There are four lights!
Q: Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be
able to comprehend the answer.
Uhura: Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?
Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional?
Chekov: It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for the
billionth time..did I scream this time?
Khan: With my last breath I spit at the chicken...
Harry: I don't know, it's my first mission.
Paris: Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.
Harvey Mudd: Chicken? I don't remember any chicken. No no no, there's
been a terrible misunderstanding.
Janeway: Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha
Quadrant...and it probably misses its dog.
Nurse Chapel: Oh, Spock!
Lwaxana: Oh, Jean-Luc!
Spock: Fascinating, Captain.
V'Ger: To join with the Creator.
The Grand Nagus: Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once!
You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing!
Gul Dukat: Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can work
out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to
everyone's satisfaction.
Kes: It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads
all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!
O'Brien: No problem, Commander, I'll get right on it.
Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems
and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit
on the computers and...
Sisko: It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we've learned
from all this?
Jake: Check out the babe that just came off that transport!
Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll have more luck with
women than I do.
Sulu: Don't call me Tiny!
Sarek: Sometimes logic fails me where chickens are concerned.
Mr. Homn:
Dax: To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin
I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue,and then there's...
Tuvok: That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer.
It makes the junior officers nervous.
Gene Roddenberry: To boldy go where no one had gone before.
