[1184] in Humor
HUMOR: Recent Sigs
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Mon Nov 6 08:40:16 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 06 Nov 1995 08:34:58 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Sun, 5 Nov 1995 10:24:20 -0800
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
From: janos@netcom.com (Janos Gereben)
- --------
"You have guts; you'd rather have nothing than settle for less."
-- Ishtar
_________________________________________________________________
"There are three kinds of people in the world: 1. Those who
can keep their lists straight, and B. Those who cannot."
-- J. Gereben
_________________________________________________________________
How long was Sherbet planning on making this piece of junk?
Homer Simpson on the Unfinished Symphony
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Suicidal twin kills brother by mistake. Details at 10:00
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I'm not good,
I'm not nice,
I'm just right.
Sondheim, `Into the Woods'
______________________________________________________________
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however
improbable, must be the truth."
- -- Arthur Conan Doyle
SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE SIGN OF FOUR
|---------------------------------------------------------------------|
| Free Tibet! |
| (With any purchase of equal or greater value) |
- ---------------------------------------------------------------------
"Nothing appears less serious than a pair of underpants ..."
-Philippe Perrot
FASHIONING THE BOURGEOISIE
______________________________________________________________
Consistently separating words by spaces became a general custom about
the tenth century A.D., and lasted until about 1957, when FORTRAN
abandoned the practice. -- Sun FORTRAN Reference Manual
______________________________________________________________
... Obe Wan Kenobi at the dinner table: "Use the FORKS, Luke!"
______________________________________________________________
I chose, and my world was shaken-
So what?
The choice may have been mistaken,
The choosing was not.
You have to move on.
-- S. Sondheim
______________________________________________________________
| There were two problems with developing the hardware for
| virtual acoustic environments. One, the TI 65000 chip
| didn't exist. Two, it wasn't fast enough.
| --Beth Fowler, NASA engineer
*******************************************************************************
* "I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter." *
*******************************************************************************
"Marriage may be where it's been but it's not where it's at."
Sondheim, `Company'
______________________________________________________________
`Take the moment present as a present for the moment'
Sondheim, `Into the Woods'
______________________________________________________________
"Are you sure it's not a mirage? That looks like a mirage I once saw. If I
saw it."
-Lord Lamborne
(PETER COOK, rest his soul)
YELLOWBEARD
______________________________________________________________
"[THE BREAKFAST CLUB] makes me nostalgic for a period in my life that never
existed."
-Isaac Alpert
______________________________________________________________
"It would be un-Christian of me to say that I'm glad young Elliot is dead;
I won't go that far. But it is beyond me what purpose he served alive. It's
God's problem now. Let's get out of here and bury him as quickly as possible."
-"The Hip Funeral"
MODERN MANNERS
By P.J. O'Rourke
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>
> "There are more phones in Manhattan than in all of
> Africa."
> Russell Daggatt
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>
> "If there was an Information Revolution, it's
> over: information won."
> Diana Dougan
______________________________________________________________
You know--we're living in society.
Seinfeld's George on Common Courtesy
______________________________________________________________
"It's a pretty little kingdom,
The dominion of the queen,
Where at any given moment
The ash trays are clean."
______________________________________________________________
"Beef Stroganoff: A Hearty Dish To Keep A New Husband Happy."
-THE WELL-FED BRIDGEGROOM
_________________________________________________________________
"I want to be painted by Gericault, a still life with a bust of Apollo, a
drape of purple velvet, and a vine of ivy leaves."
-"Outside the Operating Room of the Sex-Change Doctor"
THE GOLD CELL
by Sharon Olds
_________________________________________________________________
"Princes, two princes here before you, that's what I say now/Princes, two
princes who adore you, and that's okay now."
-"Two Princes"
Spin Doctors
POCKETFUL OF KRYPTONITE
(These may or may not be the actual words.)
_________________________________________________________________
Tailor?
Paler.
Butler?
Subtler.
Potter?
Hotter.
Locksmith?
(long pause)
_________________________________________________________________
Actions of any sort in one generation might have
incalculable consequences in another, so that merely
to sneeze was a pebble thrown into a pond, whose
circles might lap the furthest shores. It seemed as
if the only hope was not to act at all, to draw no
swords for anything, to hold oneself still, like a
pebble not thrown. But that would be hateful.
`Once & Future King'
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"You've got to be taught/Before it's too late/Before you are six or seven or
eight/To hate all the people your relatives hate."
-Cable
SOUTH PACIFIC
_________________________________________________________________
_/ "Only connect"
_/ _/ E.M. Forster
_/
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"Less than 5% of the artists in the Modern Art section [of the Met] are women,
but 85% of the nudes are female."
-Guerilla Girls
_________________________________________________________________
No one can stop an earthquake...Shift happens
_________________________________________________________________
To a group, you say: "all y'all"
Just "y'all" is singular
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"You may not be interested in war,
but war is interested in you."
-Leon Trotsky
