[1182] in Humor
HUMOR: Another Day in the AI Lab
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Fri Nov 3 12:26:45 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 03 Nov 1995 12:18:33 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Next to the Mad Scientist Announcement, one of the best announcements I've
seen.
-Drew
From: swillcox@ai.mit.edu (scott willcox)
Date: Fri, 3 Nov 1995 11:55:14 -0500
From: cgdemarc@ai.mit.edu (Carl de Marcken)
Seminar Master: Roll two eight-sided die.
You: (Rolling) Eight and four- 12.
SM: The proof goes through. That's the end of the turn. Audience rolls a
twelve-sided (rolling) ... for a six. (Looks in Audience Manual). An
Ochre Just stands up and says "But isn't that _just_ another result. Isn't
that _just_ research- isn't there _anything_ original here at all?".
(Rolls again.) The Lurker in the back, though wounded, manages to fire off
a slack-jaw spell that... hits your party leader. Roll to see damage.
You: (Rolling) Two.
SM: You embarass yourself, drooling slightly. Party leader is disabled
for one turn. Your move.
You: My Corollary Kid presents a relevent application, aimed at the Chief
Funder. She's +3 to hit against the mathematically naive, +1
against frustrated old men. Party leader moves to the back.
SM: He's disabled. OK, application silences Ochre Just. Next turn.
(Rolls) Uh oh, you've got a problem. Audience issues a major summons,
for a... Bearded Juggler. Meanwhile, the Mutated Beholder is still
transmitting images of your vacuous leader directly to the web.
You: How many hit points does my UROP have?
SM: 11.
You: UROP attacks Beholder with his artifact, the Soldering Iron of Zero Heat
Capacity, to disable transmissions or, failing that, sterilize. Lemma
Boy moves for clear shot at doorway. Party leader moves to adjourn!
SM: Smart move. Unfortunately, behind the food table was a Soundex. (Rolls
six-sided die.) Soundex turns your UROP into a you-flop, who misses and
fries a mobot. But your real problem is the Bearded Juggler that
walks in the door... it pounces immediately. Juggler gets four
attack die, rolls a ... 22, and says (reading with glee from the
Audience Manual) "You've linearized what was already a fundamentally
trivial problem. That isn't a proof- it's a tautology. What is this,
straw man day at the circus?!" He vanishes in a puff of smoke,
leaving no time for a rebuttal. Sorry kid, next two turns audience
will be +2 for gall all around.
You: Great. Hmm. Well, Lemma Boy uses his last notation strike, and puts
slides 8 through 10 on the overhead projector simultaneously. UROP
moves to the back. Corollary Kid hides behind UROP. Party leader
grabs brownie.
SM: Roll for Lemma Boy.
You: (Rolling) Two, seven.
SM: Not a chance. The Starving Nomad grabs the slides on his way
to the food table. Lemma Boy collapses, writhing.
SM: Roll for UROP and Corollary Kid.
You: (Rolling) Four, four, six, two.
SM: UROP and Corollary Kid flee.
SM: Roll for party leader.
You: (Rolling) Snake-eyes.
SM: Party leader denied faculty appointment. Game over, man.
