[1111] in Humor
FWD>HUMOR- The Windows 95 D
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Katy Oldham)
Wed Oct 4 07:26:17 1995
Date: 4 Oct 1995 04:25:07 -0700
From: "Katy Oldham" <Katy_Oldham@mesaqm.sps.mot.com>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Mail*Link( SMTP FWD>HUMOR: The Windows 95 Drinking Game
Date: Mon, 04 Sep 1995 01:01:47 +0000 (GMT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
Yes it's the long awaited Drinking Game 95. To be used while enjoying the
"Windows 95 Infomercial" coming up this Monday (check local listings for
time and channel). Gather together some good friends, curl up next to the
tv, and call up this posting on your Mac, OS/2, or UNIX machine.
enjoy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bill Gates Microsoft Windows 95 infomercial drinking game
Beta version.
*******************************Drink once**********************************
Everytime a cute ethnic child is shown being more productive through the
use of Win 95.
A "new" feature of Win 95 is shown that has been implemented in the Mac OS,
OS/2, or third party extensions for years.
Someone makes a reference to Bill's money or success.
The word "virtual" is used.
Microsoft new computer network is refered to as MSN.
When "Joe/Jane Q. Computer User's" computing concerns are solved by Win 95.
A 1-800 number is displayed.
Whenever "plug and play" is used.
A reference to how "easy it is" is made.
An old person is shown using the computer.
The computer speaks directly to the camera.
A spokesman from the Computer industry praises Win 95.
The word "upgrade" is used.
*******************************Drink twice*********************************
When a crappy feature/bug of Win 3.1 has been fixed by Win 95.
Some politically correct/assinie icon/metaphore is used for a standard
function (i.e. "recycle bin")
Someone "doesn't understand" a feature, and needs it explained in detail.
Plug and play is refered to as "p&p."
Any time Anthony Edwards (the host) says the words "World Wide Web."
Large, bloated, yet obsolete mega-corporations, toady up to Bill in the
hope that some of his sucess will rub off.
Any time the phrase "Now is the time..." is used.
A person is shown meeting some "Sandra Bullockesque" love interest through
MSN.
A feature of MSN duplicates an existing internet service.
The 'net is refered to as the "Information Superhighway."
You are invited to publish your own Web page.
You are remined that Win 95 will allow you to attempt any of the following
trivial tasks: Balencing home checkbook/budget, college term paper, manage
your stock portfolio, order flowers or a pizza, play games, email your
grandmother, make plane reservations, 'chat' online, medical imaging,
research dinosaurs, download porn, play "global thermonuclear war," or open
the pod bay doors.
*******************************Drink thrice********************************
Bill makes reference to his wealth and/or sucess.
A crappy feature/bug from Win 3.1 continues on into Win 95.
A reference to "You've been waiting a long time, but now here it is..."
Win 95 crashes the demonstration computer.
They tell you that this is "the last operating system you'll ever need."
********************************Drain it***********************************
A "new" feature intoduced in Win 95 is totally original, never before
implemented in Mac OS, OS/2, or third party extensions.
Anthony Edwards remarks offhandedly "You ever notice how much Windows
looks like the Macintosh operating system?" Drain another if Bill answers,
"Nah, we swiped it from Xerox."
An explaination to why Win 95 was released a scant few months before '96.
Canter & Seigal spam MSN with adds for their latest book before the end of
the program.
Bill apologizes for his monopolistic business strategy, crappy software,
and cult of personality. Hands rights over to Linus Torvalds.
Charlie Chaplian "spokesman" from the IBM campaign shows up.
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Date: Mon, 04 Sep 95 17:15:50 MST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Subject: HUMOR: The Windows 95 Drinking Game
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Apparently-To: "Katy_Oldham-RP2933@email" <katy_oldham@mesaqm.sps.mot.com>
