[1025] in Humor
HUMOR: Danger is my middle name
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Mon Aug 28 09:42:50 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 28 Aug 1995 09:34:57 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Mon, 21 Aug 1995 23:58:14 -0700
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
From: rossix!rwc.dnet!apdma@openlink.openlink.com (Mary Ann Anthony)
From: ROSSIX::"fwb@scruz.net" 5-AUG-1995 07:23:44.99
Subj: I straddle the razor's edge
COPYRIGHT, SCHMOPPYRIGHT! Sure I broke some laws. But I do not live by
society's rules. I straddle the razor's edge. I throw caution to the wind.
Usually caution flies back at me and hits me in the skull. But that is
not the point. The point is that I scoff at human laws. You should try
scoffing. Just don't do it around small children or people with heart
problems. As if I have not shown enough spunk as it is...
THINGS THAT PROVE I LIVE DANGEROUSLY
I don't floss every single day.
On a real sunny day, sometimes I'll put on a Number 6 sunscreen rather
than a Number 10.
On escalators, I rarely use the handrails.
When I make mashed potatoes, I stop mashing before all the lumps are out.
I don't keep medicine in a "cool, dry place."
I run around the house carrying scissors.
I once put a quarter in a newspaper machine, and took TWO newspapers.
I often change lanes without using my blinker.
Recently, while grocery shopping, I decided not to buy a bag of potato
chips... and I left it in the frozen food section.
I've looked directly at an eclipse.
More than once I've gotten off on the right side of a horse.
When I use a saw, I don't use U.L. tested safety goggles.
I once told a guy on a Harley Davidson that he was on my foot.
I've gone swimming only five minutes after I've eaten.
I sing without warming up.
More often than not, I cross the street without looking both ways. Well,
you know, rural streets. And usually at 2 a.m.
I've bought breath mints without checking the price.
When I leave a room, I sometimes leave the lights on.
I have used my hairdryer with the water running -- in the other room,
of course... but you get the point.
I've clipped my fingernails by candlelight.
I step on cracks in the sidewalk. (Of course, it's my mother who's really
paying for that...)
When a cashier makes a mistake in my favor, as long as it's not over a
dollar, I don't say anything.
I've eaten yellow snow.
I've taken candy from strangers.
When I color, I don't stay in the lines.
Sometimes when I take a test, I use a Number 1 pencil.
On occasion, I don't use return address labels.
DANGER IS MY MIDDLE NAME
(Just not legally... after all, that
would mess up all my monogrammed towels.)
Fred Barling
fwb@scruznet.com
* ========= Connie Kleinjans (connie@interserve.com) ========= *
* "Humor. It's a dirty job, but someone's got to send it." *
* ======= Humorous, thanks to InterServe, 415-328-4333 ======= *
