[1030] in Discussion of MIT-community interests
Loss, law suits, and where do we go from here?
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Victor Luchangco)
Fri Feb 1 11:36:39 2002
Message-ID: <200202011536.g11FaRf14235@loon.lcs.mit.edu>
Date: Fri, 1 Feb 2002 10:36:27 -0500
Reply-To: victor_l@theory.lcs.mit.edu
From: Victor Luchangco <victor_l@THEORY.LCS.MIT.EDU>
To: MIT-Talk@MIT.EDU
In-Reply-To: Your message of Thu, 31 Jan 2002 21:55:50 -0500.
<Pine.LNX.4.33.0201312114440.12552-100000@sub-zero.mit.edu>
> Apologies in advance: what follows is not particularly well-written.
> Sorry. --wgh
Apologies were definitely not necessary.
That was the best piece you've ever posted,
one of the best posted by anyone, certainly on this topic.
The brother of a good friend of mine committed suicide while he was
in a hospital some years ago. He said he was going to do it, and his
father warned the hospital staff. But he managed to do it anyway.
They sued the hospital afterwards.
I don't totally understand, but it's not chiefly about money, and not
even (although in many cases at least partly) about revenge. There is
a desire to make some good come out of evil (and in punishing the
perpetrators, you hope that you stop the same thing from happening
again--even if there is little reason for that hope). There is a
desire for closure (although I doubt that winning the case actually
brings closure). It's the same reason, I believe, that people desire
the death penalty for those who have killed their loved ones. Killing
won't bring your loved one back, but maybe it will bring some closure,
and at least it will bring some justice. I have doubts about whether
it would bring much of either, but if you can't sleep because you're
crying, and being awake is too painful, anything that *might*
work... well, you've got to try it. And if it also gives you
something to do, other than dwell on your loss, something to push for,
to drive the immediate pain out of focus and channel it into something
positive, so much the better.
I'm not angry at the Shins. From what I know about the case, I think
they are wrong, but I am sad for them. I am also sad that their suit
will likely impact MIT in a negative way, especially in this time when
MIT finally seems to be taking positive steps to address the problem
of student isolation and suicide. (I wish they would understand how
destroying the communities that have formed would undermine these
steps, but that is a different issue.)
Perhaps something good can come of this whole situation, if instead of
focusing on informing parents, we open lines of communication among
students, and between students and administration. We hear only about
the successful suicides, but attempted ones are far more common. And
almost always, there is in part a plea for help and a belief that no
one understands you or how you are feeling. Let us learn how to hear
that plea, and affirm that many of us have felt exactly the same way.
The demon within is not exorcised merely by bringing it to light, but
its most effective tools--isolation and despair--are weakened.
One particular issue we must address is the desire for excellence. I
don't think any of us wants MIT to settle for mediocrity. But we must
convey more clearly to each other that the value of a human being--our
value--is *not* dependent on what we do, but is inherent. Most MIT
students have never had to make that distinction--have probably never
even explicitly thought that they derive their sense of worth from
doing well. They have simply been sucessful; it has been part of who
they are. But when we suddenly are no longer doing so well, or if we
have to work hard when we never had to before, then we question our
worth, or perhaps just work beyond our ability to meet our impossible
standards. We need to ask, as a community, how we can maintain
excellence without breaking so many people?
Victor
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