[4827] in Depressing_Thoughts
Re: limbo
jcbourne@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (jcbourne@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Wed Sep 13 23:53:43 1995
i was right; i failed by a few points. now i'm doing the
begging-for-an-exception thing which is decidedly unpleasant and leaves
a bad taste in my mouth. i'm not ready to give up my graduate career
because of a stupid exam and 10 lousy points. my advisor agrees, but
there's not much she can do about it as the faculty is apparently split
over the nitpicky importance of the exam.
you know, it's bad enough that i often doubt my abilities, but now i
have external proof that i'm not good enough or didn't study enough or
didn't stress out enough for these people. i never fit in here to begin
with and now there's one more reason that i don't. even if they grant me
an exception, i will always know that i didn't pass the stupid qualifier
like everybody else.
i have to keep reminding myself that this is not something worth crying
over. everything will happen as it's supposed to and my whole life
doesn't depend on getting a PhD. but dammit...
i haven't cried... yet...
