[4790] in Depressing_Thoughts
Re: generic stuff
amgreene@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (amgreene@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Mon May 8 09:12:38 1995
Short response: I've been there, gone through the same crises, and
am now happily married. So hang in there; it does work itself out.
Long response:
That "short response" doesn't sound very convincing, does it?
At the end of my freshman year (see cr[0001]) my "system of rules"
stopped making sense. I felt very lost, and got "exiled" to Alaska
for six weeks. I came back as "Rhu", who would break all the rules
that "Andrew" had held dear.
Well, it didn't work that way, because those rules were who I was.
Who you are isn't what you claim to believe, or what name you use;
who you are is what you do and how you respond to external stimuli
(whether from other people, or classes, or whatever). Your actions
reflect not only your principles, but the depth of your commitment
to those principles.
Several years later, I again had a crisis of faith in myself and I
threw out all the rules. I got involved in a destructive relation-
ship and made myself even more miserable. Finally, I realized what
I wrote above: as Shakespeare wrote, "Above all, to thine own self
be true."
The Psalmist wrote, "Out of the depths of despair I cried unto the
Lord, the Lord answered me and set me free." (Ps. 118:5) I like to
interpret this verse as, "Despair overwhelmed me; I focused on the
things I believe in; they gave me a purpose and I felt redeemed."
It's tempting to envy the hedonists. But if women call you "one of
the nicest guys" they know, then you'll probably end up in a long,
healthy, happy marriage someday.
Cling to your principles, and have faith in their power. And when,
not if, you do break a rule, ask yourself not "Was that rule worth
breaking?" but rather ask "Do I still believe in that rule?" It is
important both to let your standards evolve and to stand fast. The
tricky part is knowing when to do each. :-)
Good luck.
