[4513] in Depressing_Thoughts
criticizing friends
dcctdw@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (dcctdw@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Mon Apr 18 02:54:54 1994
i'm not sure what's worse than criticizing your friends. but in the course
of dealing with apo stuff, i had to send some criticizing mail.
this sucks because
they're my friends
i -always- sound hostile, even when i try not to
i'm tired, stressed, and hungry, which means not even god knows
what the hell i implied in my mail and didn't rip out
i think i'm right, and i don't like to corner people
for the most part, i hate it when other people criticize me,
especially when i don't have a lot of control over the situation, and here
i am doing the goddamn same thing.
the reason i had to criticize was because work wasn't getting done. what a
f**king surprise; this is MIT, and we're trying to graduate. and for a lot
of the stuff, it's not really important that the stuff get done, but it IS
important that i know it's not getting done.
i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this. if typing
that a couple billion times would make me feel better, i'd type it. and
typing ^y a lot would only stupidly fill disk space.
i just KNOW someone is going to get reeeeeeeeealy pissed at me, and i'll
never find out, because they'll just smile and i'll never notice. and my
real worry is that it'll be several someones.
worse yet, i'm afraid i'm ruining someone's experience as officers. up to
now, it's been a wonderful term, but starting awhile ago, things started
getting dropped on the floor, and it's finally time i did something about
it.
it had to be done -- i'm the pres, and it's my responsibility. but that
doesn't mean that i don't feel like going home and just crying. i think
i'll go home and get some sleep -- right now, i'm exceptionally depressed
because i'm very tired. i expect this won't be so bleak once i've gotten
some sleep, and hopefully it won't be as bad as i think it currently is.
