[3409] in Depressing_Thoughts
conflicting emotions
dcctdw@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (dcctdw@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Fri Nov 6 00:40:17 1992
1. It'd be nice if my parents were reasonable enough that i wouldn't feel
afraid asking them for $300 for plane tickets to visit Andrea. My parents
have money and usually give lots to me, which I don't really spend except
through stupid dribblings (Toscis and video games, primarily) and the
occasional (rare, i think) splurge. The problem is, aside from the fact
that i'm not sure they'd buy "I'm crashing in this guy's room upstairs from
her", is that i think they'd equate $300 to "You'd better get straight A's"
-- i'm pretty certain i'll be getting all B's.
2. Lots of people here miss people elsewhere, and they, nor their parents,
have this type of money. They take their 48 units of classes, and pull N
side jobs to pay for costs here and for things like this. Lots of people
just take it in stride. Essentially, lots of people aren't so selfish as
my sentiments in #1, or rather, don't get so upset when they can't get what
they want. They probably want things like the above, but they deal better
when they can't get them.
I know that most people probably feel both #1 and #2; unfortunately, since
I was raised with my parents' money being around, it's still hard for me to
understand what it's like to live with not having money. Part of me
reflexively says This Is Important, and part of me is still grappling with
This Isn't Even Remotely Important.
I'm not sure if i want the money, or the better programming in my head. I
suppose the latter...
None of this changes the fact that i still miss Andrea terribly, and
despite a few bursts of random cranial chemical imbalance, the world has a
constant tinge of blue hanging over it...
