[3290] in Depressing_Thoughts
It would seem that i have a hierarchy of emotions . . .
samn@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (samn@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Mon Aug 10 17:21:01 1992
. . . when, and only when, i acknowledge that i have any at all . . . .
the list, in order of appearance and importance (when i am not 'happy'
or otherwise content with everything):
fear/inadequacy/guilt/embarassment
confusion/frustration
annoyance
anger
and they seem to be connected in the following way:
fear/inadequacy/guilt/embarassment <---- <----
| | |
V | |
confusion/frustration | |
| |__________________________| |
V | |
annoyance | |
| |
| |
anger <-------------------- |
| |
|----------------------------------------------
Most often the cause of all of this is when i am yelled at and/or
criticized for annoying someone when i am not intentionally doing so,
or if i annoy someone because of who i am or how i act even if it is
not rude in anyway but just . . . inefficient . . .
and even more so if they try to 'take revenge' for what i didn't mean
to do.
Sometimes the way i act or not act is a direct result of the first,
which subsequently and immediately causes the other person to
be annoyed, thus starting the entire cycle all over again.
Unfortunately, my brain is wicked enough to not want to let me
admit to any of the above (which may bring an immediate stop to any
such situation), and this seems to be a major source of annoyance for a
whole bunch of people. Yet another way i unintentionally annoy people.
Furthermore, i seem to be unable to tell those closest to me about any
of the above (probably because of seldomly-admitted #1), but i *am* able
to post it to a public forum. *That* really puzzles me.
AND, one of the major ways i unintentionally annoy those
who i care about most is by not dealing with emotional issues in a
normal way. :-)
life is weird.
