[300] in Depressing_Thoughts
Re: Yet more male/female ...
datuv@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (datuv@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Thu Sep 1 11:52:59 1988
Wow, coatrack is finally back to being interesting. I had given up on it.
First, I'd like to thank dkk and aaron for their vote of confidence. Does
anyone else want to get in some jabs at my attempt to be helpful, while
coatrack seems to be on a role?
First, geez Andrew, it seems like you have done a lot of "soul searching"
while you were gone. Now as Aaron and Dave said, I'm kind of worried about
your overwhelming decision. You see, perhaps you are doing the same thing
that you did when you were ten. You are coming to a decision based on a
limited number of facts. What you said about doing a lot of thinking in
isolation I can understand. There is this certain phenomenom which one
(including myself) goes through, when they are isolated, alone with their
thoughts and away from inputs of reality. What happens is you bend
facts to fit a new hypothesis you have made, in order to come to some
sort of decision. The decision is important to you because you believe
that it will give you strict guidelines on how to live your life. In
actuality, it is an escape mechanism. It is a way of not dealing with new
situations/emotions, because you have already classified them. Now you don't
have to analyze anymore, and adapt to changes.... Bad move. Seriously
Andrew, a dramatic immediate change made based on thoughts in a vacuum is
not healthy. Why don't you hang around with people for a while, get some
more data, and try changing things slowly. Or if you think you have made
a wise decision, try this new Andrew for a while, but keep your eyes open,
and see how you like it, and what it is doing to your life. Don't be
too proud to drop it if you see that your new lifestyle just isn't working.
One of the hardest things to do is to say, I made this decision but it was
wrong. Please don't be stubborn about changing your mind. No one will
think any worse of you because you decide that the change that you
decided upon after all this soul searching was wrong. Honestly.
I've made that mistake before in many situations. It is much better to
change your decision. The same works for the situation where you like a
certain other, and you go around so ecstatic telling others how much you
like this person, but find out that you were mistaken. If you continue
to force yourself to like that person because everyone will say, oh geez look,
one day she's "in love" with this guy and the next day not, then you will be
doing a disservice to yourself, and the other. Believe me, I found out the
hard way....
Second, looking for an other. Well, yeah, looking is not a good idea.
It is a good idea to look/be your best. If you are at the top of your
potential you will attract more attention from both sexes. Friends are
important too. Acting yourself is sooo important. If you don't the
females you attract will not be what you want. They will be attracted
to the fake Andrew, and so then you will be surrounded by a bevy of
incompatible potentials. I agree with Dan that you will fall in love
when you least expect it. You may be in love with a good friend, and not
even realize until later. If you are actively searching, it puts too much
pressure on both parties. Another thing is that, if you seem so desparate
to have a SO, when you find the person that you truly love, they may
believe that they are just another one of your crushes/possibilities, and
feel that their love for you is not really requited. That is, that
you will be over them in a week or two, or that you are just settling
for them, because they are the only one who will have you, but once you
get them, you'll just continue searching. (experience :-( )
'Take it easy.'
I said:
Excellent. When can I get them.
did you call Lesley?
Why do you have to call her/
oops, ignore that, I didn't mean to dump that on the screen, but I refuse to
rewrite all this stuff...
I agree, it might be helpful to have a flame session, however, people
seem to be less inhibited when they are writing to a computer screen,, then
when they are in public, and there is no moderation of speaking over the
computer. What I mean is, you don't have to wait for someone to finish
speaking before you say something... But communication is a lot faster
in person, and more can be rehashed I guess. What do the rest of you think??
bye all,
you've made my day,
Laura
