[2707] in Depressing_Thoughts
argh
???@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (???@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Wed Jan 22 03:10:34 1992
Sometimes a nice large rock would come in handy. Ever wish that?
Today sucked. This week. This month. This past term has really
sucked. And me, so locked into the impression of who I am, I can
not even scream when I wish to high heaven I could. If I were to
"crack" I could not walk the infinite corridor without wanting to
hide whenever I saw someone I knew. Paint a strong picture. Now
live life by it. The choice is made and pretty unchangeable.
Out of my control, I see a closest friend for so long drift away.
"And you don't care?" I was asked. Christ. Do I have a choice?
One friend pulled away by another. I lose twice. I can not even
dislike them for it. Just not who I am, what I'm like.
Look around and what do I find? Like a desert, no body will see;
few can. Two who could see clearly slowly drift an island away,
preoccupied. And one who could, can no longer. Life. Fate, no?
Others who can see only a glimpse stay silent. A resounding echo
when a room is too quiet. It lets you know again, that you stand
alone.
Dammit, I don't want to hear any "It'll get better"'s. Boy, that
really fixes all for me. Thanks for that bit of originality. Go
back to your class. The "It could be worse"'s, please go to hell.
Each of you too has felt the same. How you so easily forget that
when you feel as fell as I feel, there is no "worse." The now is
what I see. And I don't need my now to be belittled by you. Why
can't you just listen? Why can you not be there? What wastes of
human flesh are you if you cannot, will not be there for another.
I have been there for you in the past.
A world away it seems, when you said help, I was there. When you
were alone, I held you. When the silence rang, I hummed for you.
Where the hell are you now? Where the hell are you now? Oh, but
I am sorry. When things are happy for you, well far be it for me
to disrupt that estacy. Call me when you're less busy.
I want an ear. Just one for my heart, for some tears. Only wish
for someone who could help me make those tears flow. Don't cheer
me up now; you would fail, only pushing down my true heart. Just
listen. Just listen. Dammit. Just listen. Do not tell me what
to do. No miracle cure. None exist. Just another heart. But I
only see mine. Now cold and small.
My kingdom for a horse, one said. My kingdom for a heart, I say.
My life. My soul. for a heart, a shoulder, a hold. Damn.
