[1412] in Depressing_Thoughts
frustration
whycare@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (whycare@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Tue Aug 21 12:26:14 1990
I've been depressed for so long that it seems awfully strange
to get out of it. Present state is a sort of trance...
nonthinking, nonfeeling, illness. Can't seem to get out of
it consciously.
Presently I find nothing amusing, very little interesting,
and can't seem to reach the mental stimulation I've
once achieved. I have the notion that I am wasting everyone's
time and energy...including my own. What's the point of
putting food into my mouth everyday to sustain this
THING that walks without any apparent goals? I'm cannot
justify my existence to myself.
I don't believe I can be of worth to either society or myself.
Everytime I try to believe, I get knocked down on my face...
some realization slaps me across the face or knifes me
from behind. It's hard to stay deluded, getting impossible.
