[1377] in Depressing_Thoughts
whatever
whycare@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (whycare@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Mon Aug 13 02:53:26 1990
What keeps me feeling alive is what I can't (because of lack of inner
will and restrictive circumstances) find regularly.
Aliveness consists of:
1) Intense mental stimulation...intense = to the point that I can feel
the front part of my brain doing work.
2) Horror, fear, and paranoia.
1) can be achieved by forcing myself to put things which I've never seen
before in my life into my mind. It's best attained when I force myself
to try to understand cryptic and/or very technical material. Works
wonders when I have enough motivation to do something.
2) is a problem because I've been requiring much stronger external stimuli
to attain horror, fear, and paranoia. Things don't seem to be frightening
anymore. I CAN'T STAND THIS.
delete `in my life' from the above.
