[5572] in Central_America
New quotes for Sun Aug 28
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Central America)
Sun Aug 28 02:54:40 1994
Date: Sun, 28 Aug 1994 02:54:14 -0400
From: Central America <root@charon.MIT.EDU>
To: ca-mtg@charon.MIT.EDU
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jcb (Jeff Bigler):
"At the multiracial children's tea party the guests have, perhaps,
behaved slightly better since the Keepers were introduced.... Out on
the lawn the Keepers maintain a kind of order...at best the children
seem strangely subdued or off-color. Although they are aware of the
Keepers, they don't want to look at them, they don't want to catch their
eye. They don't want to think about them. For the Keepers are a
thousand feet tall, and covered in gelignite and razor blades, toting
flamethrowers and machine guns, cleavers and skewers, and fizzing with
rabies, anthrax, plague. Curiously enough, they are not looking at the
children at all...they are looking at each other.
"A silence starts to fall across the lawn. The party has not been going
on for very long and must last until the end of time. Already the
children are weepy and feverish. They all feel sick and want to go home."
--From _Einstein's_Monsters_ by Martin Amis
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rjbarbal (Richard J. Barbalace):
Hello. I'm back, a week late, but mostly intact.
Here's the story so I don't have to repeat it too many times: I had
all four of my wisdom teeth cut out two weeks ago, on August 12. Yes,
I looked like a chipmunk for about a week. In fact, until a three
days ago, my mouth was so swollen I couldn't even bite down or eat
solid food; don't worry, no net weight loss. I survived primarily on
milkshakes, pudding, applesauce, and soup. The last (we think) of
about a dozen stiches was taken out just yesterday. These stiches had
proven to be essentially ineffective at preventing my gums from
bleeding continuously for over a week.
Right now, I can't open my mouth all the way. Three weeks of using a
hot water bottle should reset my muscles in place (which had to be
"pushed aside" to extract the teeth) so my mouth will function
normally. Until then, I still will have trouble eating, talking,
french-kissing, etc. so please bear with me.
Notes and tips for people with small mouths who need to get severely
impacted wisdom teeth removed:
1) Don't wait. I should have had mine out a year ago. Waiting only
makes the problem worse.
2) General anethesia was...I don't remember. I don't remember
anything. Did they really take those teeth out or did they
just cut large holes in my mouth?
3) 8-12 shots of local anethesia probably would have been much worse.
4) Hospital gowns suck. Especially with air conditioning on high; be
sure to ask for a blanket.
5) Nurses aren't cute except on tv. :(
6) Don't swallow blood. Spit it out. Yes, every ten minutes. Yes,
even when you're trying to sleep. Choking on your own blood
is not fun.
7) Chocolate goes better with blood than vanilla does.
8) Milkshakes are wonderful. Lots of yummy calcium. Make some
banana ones so you'll get potasium too.
9) Learn sign language. You won't be able to say anything besides
"uuuuuuuuuuuuuh" for a week. Or carry a pen and pad of paper.
10) Get two ice bags and keep them full and on your jaw at all times.
Buy lots of ice in advance (especially in the summer).
11) Codeine works too well. Take it only when you really have too,
like before going to sleep. I hate drugs.
12) Things get better fast when they start to get better.
Maybe I'll put down more stuff as I remember it.
Other than the teeth, home was...home.
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sethg (Seth A Gordon):
[Compiled from various sources]
WHY GOD NEVER RECEIVED TENURE AT THE UNIVERSITY:
1. Because He had only one major publication.
2. And it had no references.
3. And it wasn't published in a refereed journal.
4. And some even doubt He wrote it Himself.
5. It may be true that He created the world,
but what has He done since then?
6. His co-operative efforts have been quite limited.
7. The scientific community has had a very rough time
trying to repeat His experiments.
8. He didn't get committee approval
for an experiment dealing with human subjects.
9. When the experiment failed, he drowned the subjects.
10. He holds office hours only rarely and then in remote places.
--- End of Central America ---
