[4183] in Central_America
New quotes for Tue Mar 31
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Tue Mar 31 01:24:45 1992
Date: Tue, 31 Mar 92 01:23:50 -0500
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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belville (Sharon Belville):
NCAA Basketball - 1992 Sweet Sixteen
SOUTHEAST (at Lexington, KY, March 27, 29)
Ohio State(1)___
\Ohio State_
UNC(4)__________/ \
\___Michigan___
Michigan(6)_____ / \
\_Michigan__/ \
Oklahoma St(2)__/ \
\
MIDWEST (at Kansas City, MO, March 27, 29) \___________
/
UTEP(9)_________ /
\Cincinnati_ /
Cincinnati(4)___/ \ /
\__Cincinnati__/
Memphis St(6)___ /
\Memphis_St_/
GA Tech(2)______/
EAST (at Philadelphia, PA, March 26, 28)
Duke(1)_________
\___Duke____
Seton Hall(4)___/ \
\____Duke______
U.Mass(3)_______ / \
\__Kentucky_/ \
Kentucky(2)_____/ \
\
WEST (at Albuquerque, March 26, 28) \___________
/
UCLA(1)_________ /
\___UCLA____ /
New Mexico St(12) \ /
\___Indiana____/
Florida St(3)___ /
\__Indiana__/
Indiana(2)______/
/@ |
___(}/ __|---
OO ## |
NC |
/ / |
< < |
|
=======
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bjaspan (Barr3y Jaspan):
Even with seven billion dollars, Bill Gates still can't buy a clue.
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ccount (Craig A Counterman):
Date: Wed, 25 Mar 92 4:30:4 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: jhitch@pnet01.cts.com (Jeffrey Hitchin)
Subject: Breakthrough in male contraception
Keywords: smirk, sexual
Approved: funny@clarinet.com
Lines: 52
<This was handed out at an obstetrics and gynecology convention.
Permission was given to copy and hand it out. It's a facetious
attempt turning the tables in contraception research.>
The "Umbrelly"
The newest development in male contraception was unveiled
recently at the American's Women's Surgical Symposium held
at the Ann Arbor Medical Center. Dr. Sophia Merkin, of the
Merkin Clinic, announced the preliminary findings of a study
conducted on 763 unsuspecting male grad students at a large
Midwestern university. In her report, Dr. Merkin stated that
the new contraceptive- the IPD -was a breakthrough in male
contraception. It will be marketed under the trade name "Umbrelly."
The IPD (intrapenal device) resembles a tiny folded umbrella
that is inserted through the head of the penis and pushed into
the scrotum with a plunger-like instrument. Occasionally, there
is perforation of the scrotum, but this is disregarded, since it
is known that the male has few nerve endings in this area of his
body. The underside of the umbrella contains a spermicidal jelly,
hence the name "Umbrelly."
Experiments on a thousand white whales from the Continental Shelf
(whose sexual apparatus is said to be closest to man's) proved the
Umbrelly to be 100 percent effective in preventing production of sperm
and eminently satisfactory to the female whale, since it doesn't
interfere with her rutting pleasure.
Dr. Merkin declared the Umbrelly to be statistically safe for the
human male. She reported that of the 763 grad students tested with
the device, only two died of scrotal infection, only twenty
experienced swelling of the tissues. Three developed cancer of the
testicles, and thirteen were too depressed to have an erection. She
states that common complaints ranged from cramping and bleeding to
acute abdominal pain. She emphasized that these symptoms were merely
indications that the man's body had not yet adjusted to the device.
Hopefully the symptoms were disappear within a year.
One complication caused by th IPD and briefly mentioned by Dr. Merkin
was the incidence of massive scrotal infection necessitating the surgical
removal of the testicles. "But this is a rare case," said Merkin, "too
rare to be statistically important. She said the other distinguished
members of the Women's College of Surgeons agreed that the benefits far
outweighed the risk to any individual man.
--
Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
Jokes ABOUT major current events should be sent to topical@clarinet.com
(ie. jokes which won't be funny if not given immediate attention.)
Anything that is not a joke submission goes to funny-request@clarinet.com
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emoy (Eva Moy):
(you won't find any TI here! :)
help! my brain is turning into melted jello!
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fallas:
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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fhchua (Fei Hai Chua):
...
.. ..... .....
.... ...... ... .
..... .... ..
.... ......... ..
.. ......
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glassw (William B. Glass):
I'm back -- with all fingers and toes still intact!
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goz (David Gomez):
If you would like to get a hold of me my number is 225-9683.
Anything regarding SUMS, please send me an email message with your
questions, comments, and/or suggestions.
Thanks You very much.
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huanghe (He Huang):
MIT/WHOI Joint Program Student
Location Telephone #
Offices:
MIT: Dept. of Ocean Engineering Room 5-007 (617)-253-2105
WHOI: Deep Submergence Lab Blake Trailer (508)-457-2000 Ext.2408
Home:
60 Wadsworth St. Apt.4H MIT Eastgate (617)-252-0667
Cambridge, MA 02142 Apt. 4H
During the weekdays, I am always at MIT. In the weekend or holidays,
I may go to DSL in Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution.
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jcb (Jeff Bigler):
X 1. Thou shalt have none other gods before me
X 2. Thou shalt not make thee [or worship] any graven image
X 3. Thou shalt not take the name of the lord in vain
X 4. Keep sabbath day to sanctify it
X 5. Honour thy father and thy mother
6. Thou shalt not kill
X 7. Neither shalt thou commit adultery
X 8. Neither shalt thou steal
X 9. Neither shalt thou bear false witness against thy neighbour
X 10. Neither shalt thou covet thy neighbor's wife [or possessions]
Nine down. One to go.
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jcbourne (Julie Bourne):
Sometimes I think that you'll never / Understand me / Maybe this time is
forever... / Say it can be / ... / Sometimes I think that you'll never /
Understand me / But something tells me together / We'd be happy
("Father Figure", George Michael)
---
Trust me / I want you to trust me / Oh trust me / 'Cause I won't bring
you down / (Don't bring me down) / I won't bring you down / Do you trust
me / Yeah
("Hard Day", George Michael)
---
I don't care if you don't / I don't feel if you don't
I don't want it if you don't / I won't say it if you won't say it
("Let's Go to Bed", The Cure)
---
Companionship, partnership, mutual reassurance, someone to laugh with
and grieve with, loyalty that accepts foibles, someone to touch, someone
to hold your hand -- these things are "marriage," and sex is but the
icing on the cake. (Lazarus Long)
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kenneths (Kenneth J. Schneider):
Address at Theta Chi: Address at Home:
528 Beacon Street 4005 Birdwell
Boston, MA 02215 Tyler, TX 75703
(617) 267-1801 ext. 142 (903) 581-0216
Last logged on Fri Mar 20 15:10:53 EST 1992 on host M1-142-19 .MIT.EDU
Last logged on Thu Mar 26 20:36:56 EST 1992 on host e40-008-10 .MIT.EDU
Last logged on Mon Mar 30 21:10:39 EST 1992 on host e40-008-7 .MIT.EDU
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lsc (Lecture Series Committee):
LSC Movies for the weekend of Apr 3 to Apr 5
Fri. Apr 3 The Jazz Singer (1927) 10-250 7:30
Al Jolson stars as the son of a cantor who wants to make it big in
show business. Aside from being fun to watch, this film will be
remembered for the immortal words ``You ain't heard nothin' yet,''
the first words ever spoken on film.
Fri. Apr 3 Mobsters 26-100 7 & 10
Based on real-life events, this film centers on Lucky
Luciano (Christian Slater), Meyer Lansky (Patrick Dempsey), Bugsy
Siegel (Richard Grieco) and Frank Costello (Costas Mandelar), all
rival gang members in New York City. When Lucky saves Lansky's life,
they join forces and pit two powerful dons (Anthony Quinn and Michael
Gambon) against each other. Presented in Dolby stereo.
Sat. Apr 4 The Secret of NIMH 26-100 3, 7 & 10
[Due to circumstances beyond LSC's control, we are unable to
present Beauty and the Beast on Apr 4. Beauty and the Beast will
be shown on Sat., May 9, at 3, 7 & 10 in 26-100.]
The animated story of a group of intelligent rats who escape from the
National Institutes of Mental Health. Note the special matinee
showing.
Sun. Apr 5 From Russia With Love 10-250 7 & 10
In this, the second James Bond film, SPECTRE lures Bond (Sean
Connery) into a trap devised by a Soviet chess champion. The bait is
a Russian cypher machine and a beautiful KGB agent. To succeed,
James must survive bombs in Istanbul, a ride on the Orient Express
with SPECTRE agent Grant (Robert Shaw) and the poison tipped boots of
Rosa Kleb (Lotte Lenya).
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For more information, call the LSC MovieLine, 258-8881,
or the LSC office, 253-3791.
MIT or Wellesley ID required, one guest allowed per ID.
Admission to movies is $1.50 and a 20-Admission
Superticket is available for $28.
Classic Movie shows end before the start of the second
show of the corresponding Friday series movie.
Problems and changes to the mailing list should be addressed to
info-lsc-request@zurich.ai.mit.edu
This service is neither maintained nor supported by the
MIT Lecture Series Committee.
To see this information again, finger -l lsc@zurich.ai.mit.edu
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merm (michael mermelstein):
i have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
but this is my schedule for the term instead.
m t w r f
9 6.012r 6.012r
10 8.04 8.044r 8.04 8.044r 8.04
11 6.012 6.003r 6.012 6.003r
12 6.003 6.003
1 8.044 8.044 8.044
2 8.04r 6.012t 8.04r
3 6.003t
7-10 4.301 4.301
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mike_e (Michael R Evans):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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panda (Chris Reed):
Strat-O-Matic MLB 1991 (72 games) Last Update: 3/26/92
Div Team W L PCT GB NEW
---------------------------------------------
NLw Atlanta 40 20 .667 --- 9-3 in last 12 (3/30/92)
ALw Texas 34 26 .567 6.0 3-3
NLw Los Angeles 20 16 .556 8.0
NLw Houston 27 27 .500 10.0 1-2
ALe Detroit 12 18 .400 13.0 2-4
ALe *Toronto 4 8 .333 12.0 1-2 * late games
ALe Boston 13 23 .361 15.0 2-1
NOTES...
Who will be the best of the worst from the AL East?
Jack on pace for his third consecutive Strat-O-Matic championship.
Number one strato penis Bunn making a move though.
Zode reaching deep for his first playoff birth, all he needs to do
is beat three miserable AL East teams.
AWAY (6-6) (10-14) (1-5) (2-4) (11-7) (5-1) (6-9)
HOME Det Hou Bos Tor LA Atl Tex
(2-4) Det *******|6-4 5-4| | |9-4 | |
*******|4-6 6-5| | 11-5 | |
*******2-3 12-5| | |3-2 | |
(15-12)Hou 2-3 3-6|*******|3-4 |0-3 |3-4 |3-8 7-2|2-3 8-3
3-4 2-1|*******|3-4 |4-7 |3-1 |1-2 1-2|3-4 1-4
6-1 8-2|*******|4-5 |3-0 |4-2 |6-3 7-6|6-3 6-5
(5-4) Bos |2-3 0-15*******| |0-2 | |
|6-8 9-2|*******| 15-1 | |
|9-2 1-8|*******| |3-2 | |
(2-4) Tor | | |*******|8-3 | |2-6
| | |*******|5-3 | |7-3
| | |*******|4-3 | |4-5
(9-9) LA 4-3 |0-2 | |0-3 |*******|8-6 |3-5 3-2
1-0 |1-3 | |1-0 |*******|3-8 |3-8 0-4
1-3 |9-8 | |2-3 |*******|5-4 |4-5 5-2
(8-4) Atl 6-4 |4-2 6-2| | |0-11 |*******|
6-5 |0-3 1-9| | |4-8 |*******|
4-8 |4-7 1-2| | |1-3 |*******|
(10-8)Tex L |1-6 8-3|4-3 8-9| |7-6 | |*******
L |2-3 9-2|7-8 5-4| |4-5 | |*******
W |9-3 4-7|5-7 7-6| |4-5 | |*******
Det Hou Bos Tor LA Atl Tex
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sethg (Seth A. Gordon):
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starflt (Derrick Kong):
SINUS TROUBLE
In FGU's adventure The King Over the Water, a character must make a
Sense Acuity roll to detect a pile of sixteen dead rats.
from Murphy's Rules
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syliao (Stan Yi-Huang Liao):
Office: 36-888
Phone: 617-253-1583
Office Hours: Whenever you can't find me in the office.
Home: 62 Webster Ave #3 Cambridge MA 02141
Phone: 617-864-5925
E-mail address: syliao@rle-vlsi.mit.edu
But I would willingly see all the arts, especially music, in the
service of Him who has given and created them. - Martin Luther
For the glory of the most high God alone. And for my neighbour to
learn from. - Johann Sebastian Bach
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tlouie (Tom Louie):
My current address:
Tom Louie
500 Memorial Dr. #213
Cambridge, MA 02139
617-225-8713
--- End of Central America ---
