[3682] in Central_America
New quotes for Tue Oct 8
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Tue Oct 8 01:33:23 1991
Date: Tue, 8 Oct 91 01:32:38 EDT
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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celine (Rob F):
From the Home Office: Top ten ways to die...
10. Skydiving without a parachute.
9. Head on collision with a truck or bus, when on a bike.
8. Playing chicken with a high speed locomotive.
7. Telling Mike Tyson he's a wimp.
6. Swallowing a mouthful of broken glass.
5. Anything involving a running chainsaw.
4. Sneezing while being shaved with a straightrazor.
3. Jumping into a volcano in a flame resistant suit.
2. Eviscerating yourself with a spoon.
And the number one way to punch your ticket:
1. Being struck by lightning.
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cyrus (Cyrus Shaoul):
Fuck Central America!
"Beware of geeks baring GIF's"
California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.
From Latin "calor", meaning "heat" (as in English "calorie" or
Spanish "caliente"); and "fornia'" for "sexual intercourse" or
"fornication." Hence: Tierra de California, "the land of hot sex."
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
Earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can.
Suddenly....
I'm more random than I used to be;
It's just irreversibility,
Oh, I believe in entropy.
Finagle's Third Law:
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,
beyond all need of checking, is the mistake
Corollaries:
1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really
don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
"He was born with the gift of laughter, and a sense that the world was mad..."
-Sabatini
"The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity."
-H. Ellison
"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and
finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us. "He is full of
murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by
their ignorance the hard way."
-- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
A heisenbug is [a bug] which disappears when you try to look
at it under a debugger.
The Second Coming has arrived! Christ appears in a flash of light on
the dance floor at a discotheque. The dancers don't even notice. JC
looks around and decides to show everyone that the Son Of God can boogie
with the best of them. But something's wrong! He can't seem to stay
on the beat. His movements are slow and clumsy. In desperation, he
sinks to his knees and cries out, "Help!! I've risen and I can't get
down!"
There was a biology student who was studying equilibrium in sea birds. He
proposed that giving measured doses of various hallucinogenic substances
and observing their flight patterns would give some insight to the problems
of equilibrium in three dimensional space. This tale taking place in a more
liberal era, the student got the funding. He filled out mountains of forms,
set up a lab with a supply of sea birds, and proceeded on his way. After
a year of diligent work, groveling monthly before the review commitee to
get his stipend, and living with stoned sea birds, he completed his study.
With trembling hands, he delivered his 247 page report, complete with charts
and graphs, to the review commitee. This august body peruses his study,
asking penetrating questions and reducing our student to jello. Finally,
the department head rises. The light reflects off her steel rimmed glasses
as she stares down at our student.
"There is a lot of good work here," she says. "But we can't accept this
report. You have detailed marvelously the effects of all these substances
on these sea birds, but you have no control group."
Our student turns pale and says, "You don't mean..."
"Yes. I'm afraid so. You left no tern unstoned."
-
"Brown spot on the wall" by Ho-Flung Do
"Falling" by Eileen Dover
"Cliff Diving" by Hugo Furst
50 Days in the Saddle - By Capt. O. Blubalz
50 Yards to the Outhouse - By Willie Makeit
- Illustrated By Betty Wont
- Distributed By Buddy Madeit
- Edited By Doris Locked
- Published By Andy Didnt
A Study of the Glutius Maximus - By Ben Dover-Illustrated By C. Howitt Feals
Antlers in the Trees - By Who Goosed DeMoose
Antlers in the Treetops - By Hugh Goos deMoos
BaBy In the Gas Tank - By Who Pumped Ethel
Blood in the Saddle - By the Kotex Kid.
Blood on the Hurdle - By Wun Hung Low.
Boogers on the Wall - By the twin writters, Pickem and Flickem
Brown Spots on the Wall - By Who Flungdung.
Brown Spots on the Wall - By Who Flung Pooh
Brown spots in the Desert - By Squat and Leavit
Bubbles in the Bath - By Verewynn de Bottam
Carpooling - By Sharif d'Ride
Civil War Firearms - By Captain Ball
Constipation - By Sid Ondapott
Crossing Rivers - By Bridget Fast
Cures For Impotence - By Hugh G. Rection
Descriptions of Heaven - By Pearly Gates
Dieting Made Easy - By Ann O'Rexic
Down the Flagpole - By Dick Burns
Drummed to Death - By Tom Tomb
Falling Trees - By Tim Burr
Fences - By Barb Dwyer
Hair Styles - By Bobby Pin
Hawaiian Population - By Komon Iwannalaya
Hong's Life story - By His Hung Low.
How to Write a Term Paper - By Al Niter
I Was The Engineer for the Barbershop Quartet - By Mike Mixer
Jogging - By Ron Around
Joys of Exhibitionism - By Thay C. Mie
Know It All - By Marty Pants
Making Crime Pay - By Robin Steal
Male Anatomy - By Hugh G. Rection
Memoirs of a Red Army General - By General Kutchyokokoff
Military Life - By Private Parts, Corporl Punishment,
Sargent Atarms, Major Problem,
Coronel O'Corn, and General Condition.
Modern Exercise - By Jim Nasium
More Stupid Jokes - By Hugh E. Diots
Oh, the Pain - By Arthur Itis
Over the Cliff - By Eileen Dover-Illustrated By Hugo First
Pasta - By Liz Onya
Population Explosion - By that famous Chinese author, We Fuckem Young
Powerful Drinks - By Micky Finn
Programming Styles - By Dee Bugit, edited By Stil Mohrbugs
Psyche of a Voyeur - By I. C. Hue
Reconstructive Breast Surgery - By Dr. Syl I. Cohen, MD
Running - By Jim Shorts
Running to the Outhouse - By Willie Makeit and Betty Wont.
Russian Castration - By I. Bitchyakokoff
Rusty Bedsprings - By I. P. Knightly
Shit on the wall - By We Flung Dung
Soviet Venereal Disease - By Itl Rotchakokoff
Spots on the Wall - By Who Flungdoo
Strange Trails In the Sand - By Peter Dragon
Succeeding in Business - By Mari "The Boss" Dawter
Taking a Long Vacation - By Helen Back
Teenage Pregnancy - By Wee Fukem Young
The Agony of the Long Distance Runner - By Jim Shorts
The American Legal System - By Sue Someone
The Angry Tiger - By Claude Balls
The Broken Strap - By Won Hung Lo
The Chinese Population Explosion- By Wee Phuckem Yung
The Chinese Rupture - By Wang Hang Lo
The Christmas Spirit - By Joy X. Noel
The English Rupture - By Lord Howard Hurtz
The Escape of Bonnie Prince - By Scot Free Charlie
The French Rupture - By Claude Balls
The Hole in the Bed - By Mr. Completely
The Hole in the Mattress - By Mr. Completely
The Joys of Playing an Instrument - By Clara Net
The Open Kimono - By U. Seymore Hair
The Russian Lover - By Nibblar Titsov
The Russian Lover - By Teror Titov
The Russian's Revenge - By Hubitchicokov
The Smell of the Long Distance Runner - By Jim Shorts (sequal)
The Spanish Rupture - By Torres Balzoff
The Tiger's Revenge - By Claude Balls
The Ultimate in Hypocrisy - By Im Won Too
The Yellow Stream - By I.P. Daily
Tiger's Revenge - By Claude Bawls
Treasure in the Outhouse - By I. P. Nickels
Under the Bleacher Seats - By U. Seymour Butts
Under the Grandstand - By Seymour Butts
V.D. - By Dick Hertz
Virgin Marriage - By Chastity Belt
Western Cooking - By Chuck Wagon
Wild Russian Love - By Iater Titsoff
Winning - By Hans Down
Yellow River - By Peemore Freely
Yellow River - By I. P. Daily
- Illustrated By I. P. Freely
- Annotated By I. P. Standing
"I found these two white guys in the jungle. One was reading a book,
the other was writing in a notebook. The one reading a book saw me
coming and ran away, so I ate the other one."
"That's your problem. Haven't you heard? Readers Digest. Writers cramp.
These two porcupines are taking a bath. One says to the other:
"Pass the soap."
The other replies:
"What do I look like, a typewriter?"
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eichin (Mark W. Eichin):
This morning's unprecedented solar eclipse is no cause for alarm.
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heydrich (Andrew Chou):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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jewell (Darrin B Jewell):
ha.. just try and get a hold of me..
some places to try:
EECS ECF: work (617) 253-2737
Yearbook: office: (617) 253-2980 darkroom: (617) 255-9167 (maybe wrong)
MIT Electronic Research Society: (617) 253-2060
finger jewell@fenchurch.mit.edu for up do date info...
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johneric (John E Hankwitz):
I don't know how to make a plan.
Even if I did I don't think I would.
dahlmanm@carleton.edu sucks!
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jtkohl (John T Kohl):
From rec.humor.funny <S30b.6fb0@looking.on.ca>:
When interviewed, Dan Quayle said, "It's the most significant step
forward this country has taken since Neil Diamond set foot on the moon."
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kenneths (Kenneth J Schneider):
Last logged on Mon Oct 7 22:57:07 EDT 1991
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livewire (Live Wire):
GETTING SOME SLEEP, @#$%^&*!!!!!!
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lsc (Lecture Series Committee):
LSC Movies for the weekend of Oct 11 to Oct 13
No Friday Classic - Columbus Day Weekend
Fri. Oct 11 Class Action 26-100 7 & 10
A high-stakes courtroom battle pits a veteran civil liberties lawyer
against a hard nosed corporate attorney who is also his daughter.
Gene Hackman and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio as the father and
daughter are a real class act.
Sat. Oct 12 White Fang 26-100 3, 7 & 10
Disney brings the stirring tale of White Fang, a courageous wolf, to
the big screen. Jack London's novel about the wolf and the boy who
befriends him is displayed against the grandeur of the Alaskan
snowscape. Don't miss this Columbus Weekend special for the whole
family!
Sun. Oct 13 Three Days of the Condor 10-250 7 & 10
A perennial MIT favorite. Robert Redford discovers that being in the
CIA is more than just reading books as he unexpectedly finds himself
fighting for his life. Faye Dunaway is the innocent bystander who
befriends and aids him.
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For more information, call the LSC MovieLine, 258-8881,
or the LSC office, 253-3791.
MIT or Wellesley ID required, one guest allowed per ID.
Admission to movies is $1.50 and a 20-Admission
Superticket is available for $28.
Classic Movie shows end before the start of the second
show of the corresponding Friday series movie.
Problems and changes to the mailing list should be addressed to
info-lsc-request@zurich.ai.mit.edu
This service is neither maintained nor supported by the
MIT Lecture Series Committee.
To see this information again, finger -l lsc@zurich.ai.mit.edu
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nehrlich (Perlick I.G. Nehrlich):
"Cracks between the paving stones,
Like rivers of flowing veins,
Strange people who know me,
Peer from behind every window pane.
The girl I used to love,
Lives in this yellow house,
Yesterday she passed me by,
She doesn't want to know me now.
Can you see the real me, can you, can you?
Can you see the real me, can you?"
from The Real Me
Quadrophenia
The Who
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ricker69 (Rick Rodriguez):
To boldly go where no space age nitwit has gone before...
,_o_, ______
======= |_____\_____ _O__
_____----(_o_)----_____ \-----------\________======
/ `-------------' \ | ______/ \____)
[' `] / * /
__\____\__
}__________}
___
/===\ __
\ o / /| .
\_/ / \ . .
| \ \ . \. . ./
| }]::)==-{) __.#%&.___
______|______ / / . .^;$.
/\ /\ \ / . / . \
.. / \ _____ / \ .. \|__ .
||\/ \ |___| / \/||
||* ____\_____/____ *||
||\_/ \_/||
//-o-\\
____---=======---____
====___\ /.. ..\ /___====
// ---\__O__/--- \\
\_\ /_/
Star Trekkin' across the universe...
on the starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk
Star trekkin' across the universe...
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse...
Well...you fingered me...which means you probably want to know more about me...
Okay...so i'm a trekkie and i like Dr. Demento...anything else you want to know
i'm afraid you'll just have to ask...
-----
"Remember: wherever you go, there you are..." - Buckaroo Banzai
-----
"Excuse me, miss...is your father a thief?"
"No...Why?"
"Hmmm...then who climbs up into the evening sky and steals the brightest
evening stars and puts them in your eyes?"
-----
Rickster
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sao (Andy Oakland):
Wanna hear something really scary?
"When an Information Resource Plan (IRP) is developed, it includes a
top-level data flow diagram of the organization's systems. At this
level the diagram shows the principal exchanges among the systems and
with actors external to the organization. Systems may be categorized
as relating to the mission or the resources of the organization, for
instance human, material, financial and information resources. The
IRP-level data flow diagram shows the boundries of each system and
constitutes the first level of the conceptual process model. A system
generally corresponds to a single subject established in the
organization's conceptual data model.
"When a system is developed, its scope in terms of activities covered
must be established (if not already set out in an IRP). A data flow
diagram is made presenting the system in the context of the other
systems of the organization. The only process is the system itself.
The data flows represent the main external events (inputs) to which
the system responds and its main responses (outputs). The external
actors represent the main sources of information or the main
destinations of the data produced by the system. This diagram is the
first level of the conceptual process model.
This is from DMR's "System Development Guide," the officially supported
methodology for development now that Project Athena has been absorbed into
Information Systems.
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starflt (Derrick Kong):
RULEQUEST
Character creation in Runequest involves over a hundred steps. It
can take a novice two or three hours. (Space Opera characters can
take twice as long.)
from Murphy's Rules
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therese (Therese):
Sooner or later just like the world first day
Sooner or later we learn to throw the past away
History will teach us nothing.
-- Sting
Nothing Like the Sun
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warlord (Derek Atkins):
Today is the first Tuesday of the rest of the Year!
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wslee (Whay Sing Lee):
Move on, move on, never look back. That is the way of life.
~~~~~~~~~~
Address: Box 52, 3 Ames Street, Cambridge, MA 02139.
Tel: (617)225-6211 (H) (617)253-6048 (W)
Alternate e-mail address : wslee@ai.mit.edu
~~~~~~~~~~
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-->> Mon Oct 7 22:47:37 EDT 1991
-->> I am loggen on now at wslee@e40-008-7.mit.edu
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--- End of Central America ---
