[3541] in Central_America
New quotes for Fri Aug 9
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Fri Aug 9 01:29:44 1991
Date: Fri, 9 Aug 91 01:29:13 EDT
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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bjaspan (Barr3y Jaspan):
From: okunewck@cs.psu.edu (Phil OKunewick)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Affirmitive action
Date: 8 Aug 91 23:30:05 GMT
Lines: 21
Approved: funny@looking.on.ca
In today's era of affirmitive action and politically correct
speaking, it is no longer acceptable to say "handicapped" or
"disabled". "Challenged" is now the acceptable term.
Such was the case when a morning radio personality (somewhere
around Maryland) recently reported a traffic jam caused by a
"mechanically challenged" vehicle.
The unfortunate thing about using the word "challenged" when
referring to a disabled person is, it won't change the nature of their
disability, nor is it likely to change peoples' feelings toward them.
Instead, as has happened with so many other words, "challenged" will
take on the new meaning. Twenty years from now, when we say that "a
skiier was challenged by an expert slope," we will probably mean that
he broke his leg.
--
Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
If you don't need an auto-reply, submit to rhf@looking.on.ca instead.
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dmuir (Douglas H Muir):
Fly Heisenburg Airlines.
We don't know where we are,
but we're making great time.
-from Synners by Pat Cadigan
A pessimist sees the cat as half dead.
The optimist sees the same cat as half alive.
I'm the sick mother who put the cat in the box in the first place.
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drmorris (David R. Morrison):
Begin with an individual, and before you it know you find that you have
created a type; begin with a type, and you find that you have created --
nothing. That is because we are all queer fish, queerer behind our
faces and voices than we want any one to know or we know ourselves.
When I hear a man proclaiming himself an ``average, honest, open
fellow,'' I feel pretty sure that he has some definite and perhaps
terrible abnormality which he has agreed to conceal -- and his
protestation of being average and honest and open is his way of
reminding himself of his misprision.
-- F. Scott Fitzgerald
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hlludtke (Heather L Ludtke):
Follow the yellow brick road!
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jason (Thane G Bodily):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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mczody (Michael C. Zody):
Stratomatic '78 Baseball
Through 33 Games Through 42 Games
Standings
Team W L GB Pct Team W L GB Pct
New York 22 11 - .667
Texas 17 16 5
Team Batting Team Batting
Team avg hr r Team avg hr r
New York .248 17 118
Batting (102 or more plate app) Batting (130 or more plate app)
Piniella, NYY .328
Randolph, NYY .295
Rivers, NYY .280
Nettles, NYY .274
Munson, NYY .260
Jackson, NYY .228
Dent, NYY .204
Chambliss, NYY .163
Slugging (102 or more plate app) Slugging (130 or more plate app)
Nettles, NYY .453
Piniella, NYY .418
Rivers, NYY .367
Jackson, NYY .362
Randolph, NYY .360
On base (102 or more plate app) On base (130 or more plate app)
Nettles, NYY .361
Piniella, NYY .359
Randolph, NYY .331
Jackson, NYY .324
Rivers, NYY .308
Homeruns Homeruns
Nettles, NYY 5
Chambliss, NYY 3
Dent, NYY 3
Jackson, NYY 3
Doubles Doubles
Randolph, NYY 9
Rivers, NYY 7
Nettles, NYY 6
Piniella, NYY 5
Jackson, NYY 4
Triples Triples
Piniella, NYY 3
Rivers, NYY 3
Jackson, NYY 2
Randolph, NYY 2
White, NYY 2
Runs Runs
Rivers, NYY 20
Randolph, NYY 19
Nettles, NYY 16
Jackson, NYY 15
Chambliss, NYY 13
RBI RBI
Nettles, NYY 18
Piniella, NYY 13
Randolph, NYY 13
Stolen Bases
Team Pitching
Team ERA Rat
Texas 3.09 1.095
New York 3.41
Earned Run Average (33 or more IP) Earned Run Average (42 or more IP)
Matlack, TEX 2.28
Jenkins, TEX 2.30
Guidry, NYY 2.99
Hunter, NYY 3.08
Medich, TEX 3.11
Figueroa, NYY 3.29
Winning Percentage (5+ decisions) Winning Percentage (7 + decisions)
Gossage, NYY .750 (6-2)
Guidry, NYY .750 (6-2)
Jenkins, TEX .667 (6-3)
Figueroa, NYY .667 (4-2)
Hunter, NYY .600 (3-2)
Ratio (33 or more IP) Ratio (42 or more IP)
Jenkins, TEX 0.881
Medich, TEX 0.971
Matlack, TEX 1.119
Comer, TEX 1.282
Strikeouts Strikeouts
Guidry, NYY 79
Jenkins, TEX 51
Matlack, TEX 46
Gossage, NYY 37
Hunter, NYY 31
Saves Saves
Gossage, NYY 4
Lyle, NYY 2
Alexander, TEX 1
Cleveland, TEX 1
Complete Games Complete Games
Jenkins, TEX 8
Guidry, NYY 7
Matlack, TEX 6
Figueroa, NYY 3
Hunter, NYY 1
Shutouts Shutouts
Comer, TEX 1
Guidry, NYY 1
Figueroa, NYY 1
Jenkins, TEX 1
Matlack, TEX 1
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rixner (Scott W Rixner):
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
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rlearne (Rachel E Learned):
My Draper address is learned%draper.com@relay.cs.net
or rel1729@ejbsun1.draper.com
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toad (John P. Jackson):
Are you working with ESIX 3.2D & X386 too? Send me email!
Other than that,...
----> Skydive!!! <----
MIT Sport Parachute Club <-> Massachusetts Sport Parachute Club
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tompalka (thomas palka):
gone for the week....
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yoshi (Yoshimasa Ito):
Why? I need not plan. I must wander aimlessly down the thirsty path of life,
with an empty Quik chocolate milk carton in my left hand, looking for a good
place to throw it out. Dinner tonight?
--- End of Central America ---
