[3347] in Central_America
New quotes for Wed Apr 24
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
Wed Apr 24 01:29:50 1991
Date: Wed, 24 Apr 91 01:28:54 EDT
From: root@charon.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@bloom-beacon.mit.edu
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bjaspan (Barr3y Jaspan):
KO-KO's "LIST" SONG by W.S. Gilbert
American translation by Mary Finn with
slight modifications by D. Harrison
As someday it may happen that a victim must be found
I've got a little list; I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground
and who never would be missed; who never would be missed:
There's the over-zealous traffic cop who hasn't got a heart,
The grocery shoppers with too many items in their cart,
All people who are found of saying, "Nuke it 'til it glows!"
All children wearing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle clothes,
And those folks that make those bottle caps that no one can untwist
They'd none of 'em be missed; they'd none of 'em be missed
[chorus]
There's the New Kids on the Block and all Madonna wanna-be's,
and the cocktail pianist, I've got him on the list,
All people who re-write the words to famous melodies
They never would be missed, they never would be missed,
Then the people who see Elvis at the local greasy spoon,
The Energizer Bunny, Vanna White, Vidal Sassoon,
And the lady from Los Angeles who dresses just like Cher,
The man who thinks Minoxydil will resurrect his hair
And that singular anomoly, the lip-synch soloist,
I don't think he'd be missed, I'm sure he'd not be missed.
[chorus]
There's that iron-pumping moron who just now is rather rife,
The macho masochist, I've got him on the list,
All people who write lurid exposes of private life
They never would be missed; they never would be missed,
Then the tax-increasing statesmen with convenient mem'ry slips,
Such as whatchamacallim...thing-a-me-bob...and good old "Read My Lips"
And tsk tsk tsk and what's his name and also...you know who
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list
For they'd none of 'em be missed; they'd none of 'em be missed.
[chorus]
> no encore <
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boogles (Brian K Zuzga):
+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+
| Does history record any case | When people are asleep |
| in which the majority was right? | We must all become alarm clocks.|
| -Lazarus Long | -Jello Biafra |
+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+
| A committee is a life form with | Does this mean that I'm |
| six or more legs and no brain. | developing a ludicrous |
| -Lazarus Long | .plan file? |
+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+
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brlewis (Bruce R Lewis):
Welcome to
developMUD (7.2R)
gripes/comments to
athena-ws@ATHENA.MIT.EDU
> wield dbx
You now wield your dbx.
> go /mit/lucydev/@sys
You are in a maze of symlinks, all different.
> go tty
You are in a neatly-kept, spacious room.
Makefile is standing here, ready to take your order.
> summon lucy
Makefile utters some mysterious incantations.
A binary appears on the floor.
The binary stands up.
> look binary
You see lucy.
> kill lucy
Your dbx glances off of lucy's bus error.
lucy hits you hard.
You miss lucy.
lucy hits you.
You barely touch lucy.
lucy hits you hard.
You're beginning to see stars.
> wield vax-saber
You now wield your vax-saber.
> kill lucy
Your vax-saber breaks against lucy's libdsk.a.
lucy misses.
lucy hits you.
lucy misses.
> wield rt-saber
You now wield your rt-saber.
> kill lucy
Your rt-saber breaks against lucy's libdsk.a.
lucy misses.
lucy misses.
lucy hits you hard.
You are in great pain.
> wield decmips-saber
You now wield your decmips-saber.
> kill lucy
You hit lucy.
lucy misses.
lucy barely hits you.
lucy utters the words, 'no source listing available'.
You are blinded.
> wear interface.c
You cannot wear interface.c over your libdsk.a.
> remove libdsk.a
You no longer wear libdsk.a.
lucy hits you.
> wear interface.c
You now wear interface.c.
You begin to see vague shapes.
> wear libdsk.a
You now wear libdsk.a.
You can see again!
> kill lucy
You pierce lucy's armor.
lucy misses.
You hit lucy hard.
lucy utters the words, 'I give up.'
> tell Makefile to help lucy
Makefile cures lucy.
lucy now follows you.
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cecily (Leanne C Clarke):
"The stars, like dust, encircle me
In living mists of light
And all of space I seem to see
In one vast burst of sight."
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celine (Robert Fullmer):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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gamadrid (George A Madrid):
To finish this darn 18410J/6046J take-home penguin.
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gurfinkl (Mariano Enrique Gurfinkel Castil):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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jik (Jonathan I. Kamens):
Article: 2414 of rec.humor.funny
Path: bloom-picayune.mit.edu!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!apple!decwrl!looking!funny-request
From: davidsen@crdos1.crd.ge.com
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Speed of a computer
Keywords: computer, chuckle
Message-ID: <S266.2529@looking.on.ca>
Date: 23 Apr 91 10:30:03 GMT
Organization: GE Corporate R&D Center
Lines: 21
Approved: funny@looking.on.ca
A new benchmark has been released which accurately measures the speed
of any computer. The computer is pushed off the top of a building, and
speed calculated by multiplying by 32.2 fps squared.
The MIPS (Meaningless Index of Plumeting Speed) rating is the raw
value times the number of CPUs. This is called the FhallingStone
benchmark.
Thanks for the original idea to:
John Hascall
Project Vincent
Iowa State University Computation Center john@iastate.edu
Ames, IA 50011 (515) 294-9551
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
If you don't need an auto-reply, submit to rhf@looking.on.ca instead.
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lnp (Lisa N Paradis):
In the future:
6.033 report due Tuesday 4/22
work on my 6.033 case study
5/3 next set of repairs done on car
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Words-n-stuff for the day:
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
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paul (Paul Boutin):
So I finally dialed into Athena, and only jik and Jay were logged in!
And it was 4pm Tuesday -- is this another of those MIT holidays that no one
else has? Was it another 80 degree day? Or did you all just give up and
go home?
Obligatory geeky peom:
0x0d2C
==========
May your signals all trap
May your references be bounded
All memory aligned
Floats to ints rounded
Remember ...
Non-zero is true
++ adds one
Arrays start with zero
and, NULL is for none
For octal, use zero
0x means hex
= will set
== means test
use -> for a pointer
a dot if its not
? : is confusing
use them a lot
a.out is your program
there's no U in foobar
and, char (*(*x())[])() is
a function returning a pointer
to an array of pointers to
functions returning char
--------------------------------------
jss - Jon S. Stumpf
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ricker69 (Richard J Rodriguez):
Wow...It's so good to be alive in the '90's...Back in the High life again...
Well, you have just fingered THE one and only Rick Rodriguez...you
don't know what you are in for...so here goes...
As far as Musical interests, i listen to almost anything that qualifies as
music...Things that don't qualify are C&W, "Alternative", industrial, thrash,
(though sometimes that's good for a tension release...a little head-bangin
never hurt anyone) and most heavy metal and other assorted "acid rock."
Favorite group: Petra Favorite singer: Michael W. Smith
Favorite shows would be Star Trek (old and new), The Muppet show, Sesame
Street, Airwolf, and of course, Knight Rider...Movie titles range from Star
Trek to Firebirds, Ghost, Glory, Henry V and Fiddler on the Roof...
Okay...so i have a wide variety of interests...but what am I like? That
could be a dangerous question...my friends say i'm from another planet,
namely Kamekron, the fourth from Cygnus, which is purported to be a black
hole...that's a buch of hooey...i was born in 273 B.C. Earth time
and came to Earth in 1973, with five other kamekronians...we are all
energy beings, though I took on human form to better study and get
acquainted with earthlings...Continued quiestioning of these same friends
will reveal a guy who's not exactly working on all thrusters...I have a
tendency to be a little, shall we say, abnormal, spontaneous, eccentric,
unpredictable, uninhibited, bordering on insane, you get the picture...
with a very warped sense of logic and reality...or so i have been told...
Other than that, i'm you're typical average JimBob...
To finish off...two little tidbits, and peeks, into the "real" (*cough*) me...
-----
"Remember: wherever you go, there you are..." - Buckaroo Banzai
-----
"Excuse me, miss...is your father a thief?"
"No...Why?"
"Hmmm...then who climbs up into the evening sky and steals the brightest
evening stars and puts them in your eyes?"
-----
ack...I hope you enjoyed reading this...It should make you think twice
before you finger someone again...Feel free to leave me email if you are
interested in anything you have read...I love meeting new people...
-----
"y'all come back now, ya here?!"
-----
-Ricker
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therese (Suntioinen Therese M.):
Why are these women here dancing on their own?
Why is there this sadness in their eyes?
Why are the soldiers here
Their faces fixed like stone?
I can't see what it is that they despise
They're dancing with the missing
They're dancing with the dead
They dance with the invisible ones
Their anguish is unsaid
They're dancing with their fathers
They're dancing with their sons
They're dancing with their husbands
They dance alone. They dance alone.
--- End of Central America ---
