[2348] in Central_America
New quotes for Sun Apr 8
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Sun Apr 8 01:32:13 1990
Date: Sun, 8 Apr 90 01:31:10 EDT
From: root@CHARON.MIT.EDU (Initializer.SysDaemon)
To: ca-mtg@BLOOM-BEACON.MIT.EDU
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celine (Robert Fullmer):
Stolen from rec.humor.funny - I was amused (no, I'm not a chatter):
About the chat channels...
Inspector's Relay Hints
GUYS!!!!!
GIRLS!!!!!
Can't find a mate on your own? Are you obnoxious to others when
you meet them in person, or just plain annoying? Do you live a life where
you dream about that special someone from another school, someone who
you've never met before? Then you want to join the meat market out there...
RELAY!!!!!!!
Yes, the place where you too can experience the thrill of enjoying
someone else's company without ever meeting the person...
Find that you are a female, and not many people talk to you? Just
go on to relay, and watch the guys come FLOCKING to you. It first starts
with a simple hello, then BAM!!!! private messages, then the DREADED ID file,
then an exchanging of photographs, then the guy wants to come over and visit
you in person! He'll usually ask for some measurements from you, seeing as
he's already told you how hard it is to be humble when he has a ten inch
"schlong" (thanks, Bob!). Tell him you are a 38-26-34, he'll love you!
Doesn't matter if they are accurate or not, because if he ever meets you
in person, he won't care anymore - it will be one of the few times he has
ever actually TALKED to someone of the female gender. Unless you count
the time he swore at the computer voice on that video game.
Guys - can't seem to find that girl of your dreams? Can't seem
to find ANY girl? Don't even know what a girl looks like? Well, hop on
the relay bandwagon. Pick a channel, any channel. Doesn't matter, they're
all the same (unless you are gay - then you want channel 33!). Anyhow,
get on, and say hi to everyone; it's the polite thing to do, and a nice way
to try to accomplish what you want (get a girl, ANY girl, in the sack). Start
talking to people - if you talk to another guy, chances are he won't answer
because he is trying to pick up GIRLS, not guys. He doesn't want you.
So don't talk to him (unless he knows some girl, which he probably doesn't).
Soon, you will find that the ratio of guys to girls is even worse
than that here at Tech, which means at least 7 guys to 1 girl. If you are
real lucky, you'll get on a channel with 3 girls. So, now you've started
talking...
First, gotta find a nickname. If you are male, try hardbody,
or teninches!, or girlsluvme, or something equally untrue and inappropriate.
Females - choose something like Manhunter, 36D, or luvbutts! It will
get people of the other sex talking to you.
You're wondering why several of the other guys on the channel are
suspiciously quiet. Well, they're NOT quiet - they're sending private
messages to the lone girl on the channel, or to a girl on a private channel!
So, you better join in - pick any girl at random, and start sending her
private messages. Start telling her about how you are great at the latest
video game, how making love is SO difficult lately (no girl can seem to resist
me! what will i do?), and why classes are so hard lately {but then again,
everything is hard with me! * hee hee * :-) }.
Always remember to put in * hee hee * , * grin *, and other things
like that. Makes it appear that you are human. It's just an act, though.
OK, now you've got this girl in your sights. She's actually talking
to you, and she's put up with your gibberish about your sex life.
Occasionally, you and she talk about things in the REAL world, but both of
you seem at a loss for words. Can't talk about what you don't know. After
some small talk, you must send her your id, and maybe if you are lucky,
get one back. OK, here's Joe Goofball reading it...
"She likes horseback riding, romantic evenings, candlelight dinners,
kissing (Joe blushes - he's never KISSED a girl before, unless you count his
sister), and watching T.V. (Joe is finally happy! - he watches T.V. all the
time, when he is not on relay!)"
Next time Joe logs on relay, he finds this hot (cough! cough!) girl
on relay. Try having compusex with her! It's a fun, safe way to give
yourself pleasure you can't get any other way. Just ask her (through private
messages, of course!) if she wants to have computer sex with you. She'll
probably want to, of course. So, just act along with her - she might know
more than you about it, anyhow. It'll give you something to dream about,
unless...
You actually want to MEET this person! Doesn't matter if she lives
10 miles away, or across the country. You can fly out to meet her. If she's
as desparate as you are, she'd love to have you come out to meet her. Maybe
you two can spend an evening together on the computer or something...
Or, you can be like a person from Philadelphia...who "found" the
perfect girl for him. They exchanged letters, and phoned each other
constantly. Finally, he decided to visit her (note that no pictures had been
exchanged) in Michigan, and flew up there.
He was in an all girls dorm, and when he met this girl, she was
"the ugliset, fattest girl i had ever seen" {his quote - i can only guess
how boring he was}. So, what did he do? (his quote again) - "I slept
with her". Why, you ask? "Because I had to get something for my money".
If you don't want to meet the girl in person, YET you have had
compusex with them...what better way to show your love for this person that
a relay marriage? Relay marriages are safe, you never have to worry about
alimony, AND, in Bitnet land, bigamy is legal!!! So, get married to two
or three people - have computer sex with all of them - it's safe, fun,
and you don't have to worry about any nifty diseases...
Wait, you say! You don't want to pick up a guy or girl for life on
relay? You're a girl, and afraid that some guy will try to pick you up?
Well, you can either 1) sign on to relay as a guy, and talk normally or 2)
"If you're from Stevens Tech, I'm a guy! Really!" [thanks, Jenny!]
The hardest trick of all is to find a person on relay who is
actually three dimensional. Most are two dimensional - just like the video
screen that they are looking at.
--Bob Gajarsky, Stevens Institute of Technology (aka The Inspector)
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fhonor (Frank Honore):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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jbetanco (Joel Betancourt):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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jcbourne (Juliet C Bourne):
You're the one who pulled me back again
Showed your love and your strength as a friend
You're the one who pulled me back again
Showed your love and your strength as a friend
Everybody come back from the edge
Everybody's lesson shouldn't hurt so bad
Everybody listen what's been said
If you never learn you're gonna be misled
Thank you love for your wisdom
Thank you love for your time
Just between us you're my answer
You're the lifeline of my mind
Hold on to me
Hold on to me
Hold on to me
Hold on to me
-- from "You're the One", Mr. Jordan album
by Julian Lennon and John McCurry
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jmh (J Michael Hammond):
I will be in Boston for the Generic Assassin Game, and a little
while after - approximately 10-19 April 1990.
If you want to get in touch with me, either leave a message here,
or wander around the MIT campus (follow any Assassins' Guild
clues you might run across).
--------
"Quote me no quotes. Tell me what you know." -- somebody
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montreal (It's just Toby):
{From system: This user's .plan file is not world readable}
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redskin (Glenn R Berry):
1 Sunday 4/8 Go to the Electronics Swap -try to find an Electronics
Research Society Officer and warn them that they are
in danger of derecognition
2 Wende 4/18 5:30 ASA meeting
7:00 APO Chapter Meeting
3 Satur 4/21 2:00 Guild Meeting
6:00 APO SteakFry
8:30 Patrol
4 Tuesd 4/24 First appointment re: tooth replacement
5 Satur 4/28 2:00 AGHcoAPO chartering; off-campus
Plus academics, punting, computer games, flaming, and possibly sleep
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to
program. What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in
organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be
self-critical?
-- Alan Perlis
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rlcarr (Animato):
Ground Control to Major Tom...
Ground Control to Major Tom:
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on.
(ten)
Ground Control (nine) to Major Tom:
(eight)
(seven)
(six)
Commencing count(five)down, engines on (four).
(three)
(two)
Check igni(one)tion and may God's love (liftoff) be with you.
This is Ground Control to Major Tom:
You've really made the grade,
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear.
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare.
This is Major Tom to Ground Control:
I'm stepping through the door,
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way.
And the stars look very different today.
For here am I sitting in a tin can.
Far above the world.
Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do.
Though I've crossed one hundred thousand miles,
I'm feeling very still.
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go.
Tell my wife I love her very much, she knows.
Ground Control to Major Tom:
You're circuit's dead, there's something wrong.
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hea...
...Here am I floating in my tin can.
Far above the moon.
Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do.
"Space Oddity"
David Bowie
--- End of Central America ---
