[2625] in APO News
The Apocrypha, Volume 86, Issue 8
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (That Jeff Guy)
Thu May 22 20:20:27 1997
To: apoc-dist@MIT.EDU
From: That Jeff Guy <jeffreypu@MIT.EDU>
Reply-To: jefreypu@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 22 May 1997 20:12:00 EDT
APOcrypha
Volume 86, Issue 8
Wednesday, May 14, 1997
Spring 1997
Letter from the Editor
Hi there again. Not much to say here except that this is issue 8 of
the apoc, and there is still one more to go this term. People should
try to write articles for the last issue and get them to me by
Thursday at Midnight, and by 9am Friday at the very latest, since that
is when I will be putting the issue together, and I expect the issue
to be larger than previous issues, so it will probably take me more
time than usual.
So, for now, here is issue 8
YiLFSubmissions,
Jeffrey
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reports
Please Don't Judge Me On This Article, I'm Actually Fairly Sane, By Matt
Rule of Acquisition 1: Once you have their money, never give it
back. ``Have you every really looked at latinum? So shiny, and smooth
to the touch...'' Rom, ST:DS9
So, as incoming Treasurer... (Audience shrieks
``Incoming!!!!!!!!!!!!'' and feigns horror.)
Yeah. Like I was saying, I hope to do a good job as Treas. for the
chapter, keep us unbroke, pay the bills, and act as a Voice o'
Financial Sanity. Also, I'll continue to do all the legal stuff
necessary to keep the U.S. Treasury department from nailing us the
same way as they got Al Capone. (Note: This is a joke. I think.)
Anyway, I will do the job to the best of my ability, and I'll go to
the people who know this stuff for help when necessary (Kevin, Cathy,
John, you've been warned), and hope to prove myself worthy of the
trust the chapter has put in me.
Also, I'll annoy the hell out of you to pay your debts.
That wasn't a joke.
Pay your debts.
- Matt
(Author's Note: You may notice several lame attempts at humor in this
article. If you feel the article was not a humorous as it should have
been, send your suggestions to someoneelse@anywherebuthere.edu. Or
send me money. Small, unmarked bills preferred. I like money.)
Jeffreypu as MVP
Wow. I was elected MVP. This is rather cool, and thanks to all who
voted for me, cause I plan to work very hard at this job, and I am
really looking forward to having a lot of fun with it. Right now I am
still talking with people and figuring out what I want to do, so the
plan for the fall is slowly forming in my head.
*Summer Stuff
Well, I won't be on campus full time, but I won't be out of reach,
since I plan to check mail as frequently as possible, and I will be
apartment hunting sometimes on the weekends, so I plan to come to
campus occasionally (bearing on my ability to travel back and forth,
of course). I do plan to do some summer rush stuff, even if its not on
campus here. For example, I plan on producing a freshmen mailing
similar to the one we did last summer, and I am going to try to get us
some early returns so that people can come back early to help out with
the Rush stuff.
As the summer progresses, I will probably come up with more ideas, and
I will certainly be consulting with others for ideas, as I have found
many people in the chapter that have been a good source of ideas
before and I will continue to take atvantage of them. (with their
permission, of course :)
*Rush
I really liked the way we handled Activities Midway last rush, with
our booth being more than just some people handing out flyers and
kindly explaining who we are to people who come up and bug us. Rather
I liked us being more active in handing out stuff, including the idea
of printing out little tickets that people can bring to the open
meetings to win a raffle (of course, I kind of would like to actually
do the raffle).
Of course I also really want to take more atvantage of the way that a
lot of us find our way into APO, and that is to do the handing out not
at meetings or at our booth but instead at our living groups and
student activities. That is, I would really like to create something
that you can hand to someone very casually and kind of tell them what
we are about and get them interested in that fashion, since people are
very likely to attend open meetings and such if someone they know is
going to be there.
*Open Meetings/Projects
I am expecting to prepare a little bit for open meetings, cause I
found the meetings to be a lot better when they look prepared for. As
much as I like our group to be warm and fuzzy, I think that open
meetings are more useful to prospectives if they are prepared, short,
and to the point. We don't want to give them all the details at this
meeting, cause that will bore them. I would rather spark their
interest, tell them a little about each of our programs, and then tell
them what it takes to be a brother. The rest of the meeting after that
can be less formal, like a question and answer kind of thing, but I
want to get the important info out first before expanding on it.
I plan of course on asking many previous MVP's what they have done
during open meetings that seemed to work better, cause I would like to
pick up some more ideas, since I really want to put work into the open
meetings to make them more successful. I think that we have had a
number of successful MVP's since I have been here, and I can reach
them fairly easily, so I expect to have some more good ideas by the
time the summer ends.
*The Pledge Program
Well, my ideas for the pledge program itself are slowly developing,
and as with other things, I am going to look to others for ideas on
how to best shape the membership program for next term. For one
thing, I want a pledge class that is more integrated both with our
chapter and each other. I really don't want the pledges to feel like
they are members that are different than brothers, rather make them
feel like brothers in training, which is what they are. I plan on
giving them about two weeks after pledging to choose a big brother,
after which I will find them big brothers. If they have problems with
the ones that I choose for them, I will deal with that on an
individual basis. I would rather see them get big brothers than be
left without because they couldn't decide.
I really hope that I can encourage brothers to come to pledge meetings
and vice versa, cause I really would like to see a pledge class that
had a large number of people that came to regular activities, just
like brothers, so that next term things will generally remain the same
for them, and thus, becoming a brother will really mean mostly giving
them a key and a vote and a pin that says they are a brother. In all
other ways, I hope things remain the same.
*The Membership Committee
I plan to use the membership committe more effectively next term, and
I plan on having meetings regularly, maybe once every week or every
other week. The purpose I plan to make of this committee is get
feedback from the chapter on how they think things are going, what
they would like to see more of, and basically pick people's brains for
cool ideas. I personally think that the membership job of our chapter
is done better if it is not left up to just one person to come up with
all the ideas, and so I plan to try to make the best use of the
membership committee that I can.
Of course, I encourage anyone and everyone who can to come to
Membership Committee meetings. They will be short, there will be food
provided by myself, and they should be more fun than our normal
meetings. I will probably take a survey of when people can make the
meetings at the beginning of the term and kind of decide what will
probably work the best.
And of course, I am still working on ideas for the membership
program. People are more than welcome to come talk to me about ideas
they have. Until then, good luck with finals everyone.
YiLFS,
Jeffrey
MVP Elect
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Misc Submissions
For all you Robert Jordan fans out there....
Hullo, all! It's the silly Lame Duck Fellowship Chair coming to you in one
last APOc article before my demise. =) Here's something that, while in
truly bad taste, and scans horribly, is probably one of the funniest things
I've seen in a while. [Surgeon General's Warning: Charley's sense of
humor has been known to make even Dave Cho cringe. Read at your own risk!]
Many thanks to Dave Cho and Derrick Kong for providing this brief interlude
in an otherwise thesis-filled workday.
*0.5inYiLFS,
*0.5inCharley
From http://www.cc.gatech.edu/ftp/people/viren/www/jordan/JordanFilk.html
They Might be Trollocs - Rand
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
bTheme From Rand
Why is the world breaking again?
Why can we feel the Dark One's hand?
Why are the ocean levels rising up?
It's Tarmon Gaidon, the age is ending
The Wheel has spun out a brand new Dragon: RAND!
by Keith E Casner
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Put A Little Balefire In Your Soul
I'm your only friend, I'm not your only friend ,
but I'm a little glowing friend,
but really I'm not actually your friend, but I am...
Blue Aes Sedai in the Tower, By the Light, Witch!
Who watches over You?
Put a little Balefire in your soul.
Not to put to fine a taint on it,
Saidin and the void won't cut it,
Put a little Balefire in your soul.
I have a secret to tell
You thought you knew Verin well,
Its a simple message but I'm saying it with prophecy
So the room must listen to me,
Instruct individually,
My Name is Ba'alzamon, eternal foe of L-T-T
The Wheel is Infinite, I'll always Win Again,
It doesn't rest,
Blue Aes Sedai in the Tower, By the Light, Witch!
Who watches over You?
Put a little Balefire in your soul.
Not to put to fine a taint on it,
Saidin and the void won't cut it,
Put a little Balefire in your soul.
I'm your only friend, I'm not your only friend,
but I'm a little glowing friend,
but really I'm not actually your friend, but I am...
There's a picture opposite me, of your distant ancestry,
Who stood at Shayol Ghul and sealed the Great Lord indefinitely,
While that vexed me a lot, I still succeeded in doing my job,
Of killing the Dragon and his Hundred Companions off (weak)
Darkfriends and Madness, like Machin Shin, its always near,
Blue Aes Sedai in the Tower, By the Light, Witch!
Who watches over You?
Put a little Balefire in your soul.
Not to put to fine a taint on it,
Saidin and the void won't cut it,
Put a little Balefire in your soul.
And While You're at it,
Keep an angreal on the balefire in your soul....
by John Palmer
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucky Sa'angreal
I lost my lucky sa'angreal, now it's three millenia gone.
A hundred foot tall statue, lets incredible power be drawn.
Even though the world was breaking, I shouldn't have let it go
I bet it could kill Sh**'t*n, but now we'll never know.
Ba'alzamon! I bet you'd like to have this thing!
Ba'alzamon! With it you'd rule the world!
You'd overthrow the Dark One
and take his place
Too bad Lanfear will probably do it first!
You think you rule Tel'aran'rhiod, but let me set you right
Lanfear just stands there mocking you
"You are a fool!"
Says the Daughter of the Night
by Keith E Casner
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fal Dara (not Mafal Dadaranell)
Fal Dara was Mafal Dadaranell,
Now its Fal Dara, not Mafal Dadaranell,
Been a long time gone Mafal Dadaranell,
Now its Border delight on a moonlit night.
Every gal in Mafal Dadaranell
lives in Fal Dara not Mafal Dadaranell
So if you've a date in Mafal Dadaranell,
She'll be waiting in Fal Dara.
Even Cairhien
Was once al'Cair'rahienallen,
Why they changed it I can't say.
People just liked it better that way!
So take me back to Mafal Dadaranell,
No you can't go back to Mafal Dadaranell,
Been a long time gone, Mafal Dadaranell.
Why did Mafal Dadaranell get the works?
That's nobody's business but the Lurks'
by John S. Novak, III
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Rivers Man
Two Rivers man, Two Rivers man
Rand al'Thor is a Two Rivers man
So what if he's tall and has red hair?
Not an Aielman!
Two Rivers man
Ishmael man, Ishmael man
Likes to pretend that he is Sh**'t*n
Gets in your dreams, screws with your head
Flame-faced man
Ishmael man
Two Rivers man, Two Rivers man
Two Rivers man hates Ishmael man
They have a fight, Two Rivers wins
Channeling man
Two Rivers man
Dragon man, Dragon man
Reborn Lews Therin Tela-man
Maybe the taint will drive him insane
World-breaking man
Dragon man
Rahvin man, Rahvin man
Has Queen Morgase in the palm of his hand
Uses saidin to get lots of chicks
Promiscuous man
Rahvin man
Dragon man, Dragon man
Dragon man hates Rahvin man
They have a fight, Dragon wins
Balefire man
Dragon man
by Keith E Casner
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ballad of the Three Ta'veren (to Letterbox)
[Rand]
I'll never know what will happen when I try to channel
try to use the One Power
Cause Moiraine never tells me anything I wanna know, she's Aes Sedai
From the Tower
And I'll never know what she does or doesn't know
when she stares at me when I ask but I won't cower
[Perrin]
If I had a pair of yellow eyes like a wolf in my head
for each time
Moiraine refused to tell me all about all the things she knew about
what she knew about the Wheel of Time
I would have a lot of yellow eyes like the wolves in my head
wouldn't I wouldn't that just be fine?
[Mat]
Burn me, I'm a ta'veren I don't wanna be a ta'veren
it's how I was born
Moiraine tells me all about all the things that I'll have to do
all about the Horn
But I didn't wanna blow the Horn I just wanna have a little fun
I'm no hero reborn
by Keith E Casner
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Channeling in the Dark
A woman came up to me, and said, "I'd like to poison your mind
With subtle lies composed of truths, though I am not unkind."
She looked at me, I looked at something written across her scalp
And this is what it faintly said as I tried to call for help:
"There's only one thing that I know how to do well
And I've often been told that you only can do what you know how to do well
And that's be you, be what you're like, be like yourself."
And so I'm having a wonderful time
But I'd rather be channeling in the dark.
There's only one thing that I like
And that is channeling in the dark.
A man came up to me and said, "I'd like to change your mind
With a hideous Taint that destroys your mind, though I am not unkind."
We laughed at his little joke and then I merrily walked away
And hit my head on the wall of Prison the two of us share today.
by John S. Novak, III
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moiraine (to Hot Cha)
Moir-aine, where are you?
Rasfwrj [pronounced ra-sef-widger] wants to know.
Are you dead, can it be so?
So Moir-aine, where are you?
First time Moiraine went away,
Did she go to Shayol Ghul?
Was she at the Darkfriend Social?
Or just making Rand her tool?
Second time she went away,
Went right through the redstone gate.
Took Lanfear along with her.
Did the *lfinn decide her fate?
If Thom goes and fetches her,
All the newbies would be happy.
But John Novak would no like it:
"RJ's getting kind of crappy."
Moir-aine, where are you?
Rasfwrj wants to know.
Are you dead, can it be so?
So Moir-aine, where are you?
by Keith E Casner
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women Are Mad (to Women Men)
When a *sniff* comes from a woman
It means she's a bit put out
You've said or done the wrong thing there's no doubt
Now if you try to argue
You will end up in a rout
Whether you try to reason or you shout
But when she calls you a woolhead,
or a light-blinded halfwit,
says you think with your chest hair,
then you just have to say:
Women are ma-aa-aa-aa-a-a-a-a-d!
Women are ma-aa-aa-aa-a-a-a-a-d!
Women are ma-aa-aa-aa-a-a-a-a-d!
Women are ma-aa-aa-aa-a-a-a-a-d!
[Women are mad...]
If you're Rand, you wish you could be more
like Mat and Perrin who, seem secure
[Women are mad...]
Around women, but how could you know
that they wish they were more like you!
Women are mad and inconsistent
There's no telling what they think
They'll change their moods in just a blink
Siuan stares so you can't face her
Bain and Chiad play Maiden's Kiss
(When very vexed Moiraine's been known to hiss)
Elayne shows a haughty bearing
Nynaeve tugs her braid, and
Min fumes with frustration,
Egwene just lets it all out.
Women are ma-aa-aa-aa-a-a-a-a-d!
Women are ma-aa-aa-aa-a-a-a-a-d!
Women are ma-aa-aa-aa-a-a-a-a-d!
Women are ma-aa-aa-aa-a-a-a-a-d!
by Keith E Casner
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
They Might Be Trollocs
[Come on, come on, Fight!]
They might be trollocs
They might be trollocs
They might be part wolf, they might be part goat
They might be trying to storm Bayle's boat
They might be trollocs
They might be trollocs
They might be smelly, they might be cruel
They might look like Ogier to an ignorant fool.
[when trollocs come down from the Blight,
the Borderlanders have to be great fighters,
just to keep from being thrown into cookpots ]
Myrddraal footprints in the woods,
Myrddraal footprints mean no good
They'll rip off your bollocks,
Cause they might be trollocs
And what are we gonna do if there's a Fade?
They might be trollocs, (Smash!)
They might be trollocs,
They might be evil, they might be warped
The only good trolloc is a trolloc corpse
[Come on, fight!]
They might be trollocs, (Crunch!)
They might be trollocs,
They might be Ko'bol, they might be Dhai'mon
They might like to eat human flesh well-done
Myrddraal footprints in the woods,
Myrddraal footprints mean no good
They'll rip off your bollocks,
Cause they might be trollocs
And what are we gonna do if there's a Fade?
They might be trollocs (Gnash!)
They might be trollocs (Snap!
They might be trollocs (Clang!) etc.
by Keith E Casner
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Road Movie to Caemlyn
We're in a road movie to Caemlyn
And the Trollocs are closing in
And we lost Thom in Whitebridge, to a Fade
We were once home in Two Rivers
Tales of Fades gave us the shivers
On Winternight, all our worst dreams came true
this next stanza is the "skeleton bones" part
Shadar Logoth was the worst
Mat picked up a dagger that's cursed
And we lost Egwene and Perrin in the battle
We're in a road movie to Caemlyn
And the Trollocs are closing in
And we just don't know if we can trust Moiraine...
by Keith E Casner
A little poetry
Thoughts on Othello
When I became frustrated and did something rash
When I struggled for hours with nothing for show
I should have found in some place of my soul
A drop of Patience
When I believed completely that I was able
When I wanted more than time would allow
I should have found in some place of my soul
A drop of Patience
When I leave life and its responsibilities
When I walk alond in a place civilization forgot
Then I realize- Nature has her patient ways; and
I should have found in some place of my soul
A drop of Patience
-Heather D "Pipa" Drake
``Some People''
Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to understanding with the passing whisper of their
wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
Anonymous
Intro from Charley's Thesis
*Background
A large percentage of the roughly 90,000 bridges built in the 1930's are
nearing replacement or need for complete rehabilitation. The 223,000 bridges
built between 1956 and 1975 are beginning to pass their midlife, and most will
require deck replacement or major repairs. Due to the limited nature of funds,
not all projects which a bridge management agency might wish to pursue can be
funded. Thus, they must ensure optimal use of these limited funds to protect
public safety and the investment in the bridge inventory, and serving commerce
and the motoring public.
Highway and transportation agencies must carefully monitor potentially severe
safety problems such as bridges subject to collapse due to scouring or lack of
structural support. They must identify premature deterioration and damage of
bridges and use these funds to avoid further deterioration and correct damage
through proper maintenance and repair. These agencies also must strive to
reduce inconvenience and disruption to commercial and passenger traffic due to
load and clearance restrictions or closing of bridges.
Decisions as to the timing and nature of repairs for structural members depends
on several factors: (1) deterioration rate; (2) interconnections among the
members; and, (3) available funding. If a steel girder were deteriorating due
to chloride contaminated water leaking through poor deck expansion joints,
replacement of the joints should coincide with or precede the replacement or
repair of the girder, especially when funding is limited and only one of the
two projects could be completed at that time.
Until recently, the approach to managing the national bridge inventory focused
very heavily on structural deficiency, functional obsolescence, and
serviceability. The Federal Government and many state agencies have based
their funding needs on estimates of costs to repair structurally deficient or
functionally obsolete bridges. Questions raised as to the validity of this
methodology have been raised, and have stimulated the rise of other methods of
funding requirements estimation. Most of these newer methods recognize
maintenance, repair, and rehabilitation (MRR) actions as being a response
to deterioration whereas such actions as widening and strengthening respond to
user demands. MRR actions are dependent on minimizing lifecycle agency
costs whereas improvements are predicated on benefits to road users of
eliminating bridge deficiencies. Such benefits would include reduction of
accidents, delay times, and vehicle operating costs resulting from closure or
posting of bridges. One type of approach relies on maximizing these benefits
as a function of the costs, another on achieving level-of-service criteria.
In theory, such criteria would be set to maximize benefit to society (road user
benefits agency costs) to identify bridges requiring MRR actions.
There have been several projects already which have demonstrated the value and
feasibility of BMS. In the early 1980's, Wisconsin, North Carolina, and
Pennsylvania resulted in the development of bridge management concepts capable
of predicting future conditions and needs, evaluating structures which do not
meet level-of-service criteria, integrating inspection and maintenance designs,
and allocating limited funds among projects.
Two subsequent federal projects were conducted regarding BMS development. The
first reviewed state practices and synthesized the fundamental elements of a
comprehensive BMS. The second developed a microcomputer BMS software package
for use in all states (Pontis).
North Carolina employed a benefit-cost analysis and analytical methods for
determining the best mix of bridge projects over time throughout this period,
and demonstrated its value. Texas and Indiana have also performed much
research on BMS.
*Purpose of the Project
The purpose of this project is to develop the specifications for a Bridge
Management System software package, designed specifically to accomodate
the needs of active seismic regions. There are many reasons for this
particular type of package to be developed. Regions of high seismicity
frequently need to perform multiple types of seismic retrofit, and need to be
able to prioritize these actions within the overall scheme of MRR and
improvement actions, as funding is generally limited for these projects as
well.
In addition, there is not currently a commonly available tool for
incorporating seismic retrofit into the overall bridge program planning
resources of BMS software. Such a tool would greatly enhance the ability
of bridge management to upgrade and maintain the safety of the bridges
for which they are responsible. Further, it would improve the efficiency of
the process, possibly freeing-up funds for use in the implementation of the
plans made.
Virtually all states are currently using or in process of implementing Pontis
as a standard BMS. Those which are not using Pontis are using the NBI database
with in-house interfaces for decision support. As a result, this package will
be designed to interface with Pontis, and employ its current features in a
manner so as to facilitate seismic evaluation of the bridges.
A brief overview of the entire Pontis system is included here so that those not
familiar with the system have some idea of how the proposed module will
interact. Descriptions of the various features and modules are included as
well to elaborate on the abilities of the system.
Jeffrey
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jeffrey Scott Poore Home Phone: (617)225-8868
500 Memorial Drive #518 APO Office: (617)253-3788
Cambridge, MA 02139 My Pager #: (617)675-7258
jefreypu@mit.edu http://the-dark-side.mit.edu/
Department of Computer Science and Electrical Engineering
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Brother and Editor of the Newsletter of the Alpha Chi
Chapter of Alpha Phi Omega, the National Service Fraternity
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
