[89197] in tlhIngan-Hol
Re: chIjwI' qanqu' bom: 'ay' wa'
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Robyn Stewart)
Sat Aug 27 11:17:32 2011
Date: Sat, 27 Aug 2011 08:05:35 -0700
To: tlhingan-hol@kli.org
From: Robyn Stewart <robyn@flyingstart.ca>
In-Reply-To: <BAY166-W383538A729316684E3E917AA120@phx.gbl>
Errors-to: tlhingan-hol-bounce@kli.org
Reply-to: tlhingan-hol@kli.org
At 02:16 27/08/2011, you wrote:
>I've been struggling for a while with a translation of Coleridge's "Rime of
>the Ancient Mariner" that I've just recently come back to, as I'm a bit more
>confident now producing a decent range of structures. The story Qov's posting
>has inspired me to post some of it. This is Part I; comments, suggestions or
>corrections are very welcome. (If nothing else it's a nice opportunity to use
>the word {yatqap}.)
>
>
>chIjwI' qanqu' bom: 'ay' wa'
>The Rime of the Ancient Mariner: Part I
I assume you've deliberately rejected tIQ as not
referring to persons, even though it doesn't usually in English, either.
>naDev Duj chIjwI' qan tu'lu', 'ej wej nuv'e' wa' mev.
If I didn't know the English I wouldn't get "wej
nuv'e' wa' mev". I'd read it as a weird version
of "he doesn't stop yet one person." I don't know
if "wej nuvvo' wa' qagh" would be correct. "ngIq
wejDIch nuv rI'" or "wejDIch nuv mevmoH" break
the rhythm. If I'm missing some canon where mev
and nuv'e' wa' serve the purpose here, then that's why I'm not getting it.
>« rol tIq mIn boch je ghajbogh loD, qatlh jupwI'vo' chochev?
maj.
>SawwI''e' poSqu' lojmItDaj, 'ej cha'DIchDaj vImoj.
Okay, now we run out of the part of the poem I
know by heart, so this gets tougher for me. I'll
tell you what I understand from the Klingon, then
you can laugh at me or reconsider, your choice.
As for the bridegroom, his door is wide open, and I became his second.
>ghompu'qu' meb, ngopDaj luteb; DaQoy chaq 'e' Datlhoj. »
They filled the huddled guests' plates. Perhaps
you realized that you heard them.
>lopwI' DeS 'uch beq qan ghop lang; « Duj'e' tu'lu'pu', » jatlh.
The old sailor's thin hand grasped the wedding
guest (partigoer, but I'm getting wedding guest
from the SawwI' context)'s arm. "There was a ship" he said.
maj.
>« Qu'vatlh! HI'uchHa', qoH qanqu'! » tugh DopDajDaq ghop tatlh.
Curses, release me, you old fool! His hand was soon back at his side.
>'ach ratlhmoHmeH 'ut neH mInDaj 'ej vIHlaHbe'qu' meb;
But only his eyes were needed to hold him there, and the guest was transfixed.
>'ej 'IjtaHvIS wej ben puq rur; ghaH charghta' chIjwI' 'eb.
And as he listened the sailor's chance cowed him like a three year old child.
Hmm, not sure what I think of "wej ben puq" but I
knew what it meant right away. Cowed isn't quite
the right meaning. Somewhere between that and
held. It works. You like it better than jon?
>naghDaq ba'choH SawtaHghach meb, QoyHa'laHbe' wIvDI';
The wedding guest(s) sat down on the stone, once chosen they couldn't mishear.
>'ej vaj jatlhtaH beq loDvetlh ngo', mIn boch ghajbogh chIjwI'.
And so spoke on that old sailor man, the man with the shining eyes.
>« Quchqu' beqpu', maverghHa'pu', mayon, malolchu'taH,
The crew was so happy, we had cast off, satisfied on an even keel
>chIrgh HuD je bIngDaq matlheDlaw', wovmoHwI'vo' majaH.
We were leaving the area under temple mountain, we went away from the lights.
>'ej maH poSDaq narghpu' jul 'IH, bIQ'a'vo' SalchoHqu',
And the beautiful sun had appeared on our left, rising out of the ocean.
>'ej wovchoH, ghIq maH nIHDaq ghIr, bIQ'a'Daq 'elqa'pu'.
It started shining, then descended on our right
and slipped back into the ocean.
>ngIq jaj jenchoH 'ej jenqu'choH, tagha' jenqa'laHbe' »
Every single day it rose higher and higher until it could rise no higher.
>ro mupchoHlI' Sawghach lopwI', meSchuS Qoymo' ghaH'e'.
"The wedding guest started beating his breast
because he heard the organ playing.
(SawwI' lopwI' would be nicer than Sawghach for me)
>vaS'a'Daq 'elqu'pu' naywI', SuDqu', chal rurchu' ghaH;
The bride entered the great hall, She was as blue as the terran sky.
>'ej QuchtaHvIS lunung bomwI', vIHtaHvIS nachDaj jaH.
Happy singers preceded her, heads moving as they went.
>roDaj qIpqa' SawtaHghach meb, QoyHa'laHbe' wIvDI';
The wedding guest he beat his breast. He couldn't stop hearing once chosen.
>'ej vaj jatlhtaH beq loDvetlh ngo', mIn boch ghajbogh chIjwI'.
And so spoke on that old sailor man, the man with the shining eyes.
>« 'ej DaH nujaH jevbogh SuS'a', HoSghaj 'ej Qobqu'chu':
And now a windstorm came upon us, powerful and thoroughly dangerous.
>numup, nuqIp, nujuS SuS tel, 'ej tIngDaq nuraDqu'.
It struck, it hit, the wind's wings swept by us and forced us to the southwest.
Or maybe it was SuStel did it.
>Dujmaj'e' ronchoH 'ej torchoH; jach gheb je lo'bogh SuvwI' yoH,
Our ship began to roll and pitch; even the brave
old horn-blowing warrior cried out.
>jaghDaj QIb wambogh tlha'wI' boH, nach torwI' je rurlaw',
It was like an impatient follower that hunts his
enemy's shadow and a hunter on his felled prey.
maybe
It seemed like his enemy's shadow hunted by an
impatient follower and a head nodder.
I clearly don't get this.
>« nom! » ra' Duj pIn, jachlaw' wab tIn, pa'vo' tIngDaq maHaw'.
The ship's master commanded "Quick!" A mighty
sound cracked and we fled from there to the southwest.
Sound words are on my wishlist. "Beeped, creaked,
cracked, clicked, groaned" Very hard to distinguish.
>'ej DaH narghchoH 'eng 'ej peDchoH, 'ej pay' bIrqu'choH muD;
And now the clouds appeared and it started to snow, and suddenly became so cold
>'ej bIQDaq chuch wIjuS, wISuch, HuD woch rurbogh chuch SuD.
We passed by ice in the water, we visited it, ice like tall blue mountains.
(we visited it? huh?)
>'engmey jojDaq, bIrbogh qojDaq taQqu'law' Hoch 'ej wov;
Between the clouds, were strange cold shining cliffs
>Dat chuch'a'mo' loDpu''e' So', pagh Ha'DIbaH wIghov.
Because everywhere there were icebergs that would
hide a man, we could spot no animals.
>naDev 'oHtaH, pa' 'oHtaH je, Dat 'oHtaHqu' chuch'e',
Here ice, there ice, everywhere always the ice.
>'oHvo' wab law' luQoylu'law', rur vullaw'bogh nuch'e'.
One seemed to hear sounds from it. An apparently
passed out coward resembled it.
Huh?
Is the simile deliberately inverted?
>pay' 'engmeyvo' nargh yatqap'e', 'engmeyvo' nughoSlI'.
Suddenly an albatross appeared from the clouds,
out of the clouds it approached us.
>wIrI'meH qeylIS pong wIlo', qa' 'oHlaw'mo' wIrI'.
We summoned it in Kahless' name, we called it because it seemed to be a spirit.
>Soj'e' Sopbe'pu'bogh SoplaH, 'ej maH nutlhejchoHlI'.
It could eat what food we hadn't eaten, and it accompanied us.
>chuch'a''e' ghor, 'ej muD'e' jor, muveghmoHta' DeghwI'!
It broke the ice and parted the air, so our helmsman could sail us through.
>'ej maH 'emDaq narghchoH SuS HoS, nutlha'taHqu' yatqap.
And a powerful wind appeared behind us, the albatross following on.
>'ej Hoch jaj jachchugh beq, nughoS; SojvaD belvaD neH ghap!
And every day if the crew cried out, it followed us, just for food or pleasure.
>ghunDI', SISDI', 'etDaq, 'o'Daq, qaStaHvIS Hut ram ngun,
When it was warm, when it started to rain, it
perched for nine nights at the bow and the stern
>Hoch ram chalDaq, 'engmey chISDaq Hoch wovmoH maSwov Dun. »
Every night a wondrous moon in the white clouds
of the sky illuminated everything
>« DughIj veqlargh, chIjwI' qanqu'! nIQanqu'jaj Qun'a'!
>qatlh bI'IQtaH? » « 'oHDaq jIbaH, 'ej yatqap vIHoHta'. »
The devil scares you, ancient mariner! May the
gods protect you! Why are you so sad? I shot and killed the albatross.
I know you're dealing with a poem that might make
me pause to understand in English. I deliberately
didn't look up the English, to see how the
Klingon stands alone. Mostly pretty well. You
can see that in many places the translation is
smooth enough that I'm feeling some taste of the
poetry from the original. You can see where I was
confused, but whether that's by the poetry or the translation -- dunno.
If you want me to take another pass at anything
with the translation in hand, let me know.
- Qov.
>
