[89155] in tlhIngan-Hol
RE: nuq bop bom: 'ay' wa'
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (David Trimboli)
Mon Aug 22 17:09:47 2011
From: "David Trimboli" <david@trimboli.name>
To: <tlhingan-hol@kli.org>
In-Reply-To: <6.2.5.6.2.20110821092615.07e41fa0@flyingstart.ca>
Date: Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:02:05 -0400
Errors-to: tlhingan-hol-bounce@kli.org
Reply-to: tlhingan-hol@kli.org
jatlh Qov:
> 1
>
> meHDaq yaHDajDaq ba' vajar HoD.
This needs aspect, or else it's automatically not continuous and not
completed. Likewise for any verbs that show something happening in the
story, but not for verbs that are simply describing the way things are.
For instance, {meHDaq yaHDajDaq ba'taH vajar HoD} and (from below) {nIn
natlhbogh ngIvmeH DujDaj qelbe'taH HoD}, but {loQ tlhoch'egh qechvetlh}
and {pIvchugh Hegh nejbe'}.
I won't point out further aspect problems.
> ghaH tlhopDaq nIn tamey cha' HaStaHom,
> 'ach nIn natlhbogh ngIvmeH DujDaj qelbe' HoD.
>
> DujDaj HubtaHvIS Hegh 'e' tul Hoch tlhIngan net Sov. 'a loQ tlhoch'egh
> qechvetlh. chIch HeghmeH tlhIngan Suvbe'.
"A Klingon doesn't fight, so he can die intentionally." Unfortunately
your real meaning is a bit harder to do. Maybe {HeghvaD neH Suvbe'
tlhIngan}.
> pIvchugh Hegh nejbe' ghaH.
> QapmeH Suv. yIn Qap chavchoHDI' SuvwI'
Add some punctuation to that one. At first I thought it meant "when a
warrior starts to achieve a life success"? Too many possible
interpretations!
> 'ej Hoch jaj yInmeH
> SuvnISbe'DI',
Same clitic {-be'} probably as before.
> may' bopchu'be'bogh yIn'e' qelchoH.
Using {-chu'} here seems hyperbolic.
> wo'vaD qa'vaD quvvaD
> je Suvba', 'ach wo' qa' je je'meH 'ut je chavmey'e' Delbe'bogh jagh
> 'Iw.
I hate seeing {Del} and {qel} used generally like this. I'm not clear on
what {chavmey'e' Delbe'bogh jagh 'Iw} "achievements which the enemy's
blood does not describe" means.
> may' neH buSchugh SuvwI', qanchoHDI' ghaH Hegh nejchoHmo'
> yepHa'choH. HoD qan le'yo'mo' Hegh tlhIngan Qup 'ej Duj chIl tlhIngan
> wo'.
I don't think {chIl} is the right word here. Nothing is misplaced. Maybe
{tlhIngan wo'vo' Duj nge'lu'pu'}.
> qaSbe'meH SeQpIr ghItlhmey, HIq qub, QoQ Qatlh, rurbogh Qu' joq
> SaHnIS HoD.
{rurbogh Qu'}?
> ngervetlh Har vajar. loD qan mojpa' Qu'Hom neH, 'a laD 'e'
> tIvbe'.
Huh? He wants a task before he becomes an old man, but he doesn't like
to read? 'utbe' bel, dude.
> HIq tlhutlh 'e' tIv 'ach lubelmoH Hoch HIqmey.
That should probably be {Hoch HIq}, unless he likes to mix every kind of
drink into a cauldron and drink it like that.
> qubchugh
> SaHbe'. HIq tlhutlhtaHvIS bom 'e' tIv. bommey qatchugh QoQ jan,
> chu'wI'pu' naD 'ach chuS'ugh Seghmey ngu'laHbe'.
>
> wa'logh vajar DuQchu' QoQ. wanI' jum 'oH.
jum wanI'.
> ngIvmeH DujvamDaq vumchoHpa'
> vajar, ngaqmeH lupwI'Daq Hung yaS ghaH.
Isn't {ngaq} a noun? {ngaq lupwI'}.
> may'Duj Dor ngaqmeH Duj. nov
> Duj jonta' chang'eng. may'DujDaq qama'pu' HochHom luweghlu'
HochHom qama'pu'.
> 'ach
> ngaqmeH Duj bIghHa' machDaq wa' nov tu'lu'. potlhbe' ghaH. loQ
> lujoy'ta' 'ach rIQqu'be'. bIghHa'Daq ba' neH. 'IQlaw'. chaq mobmo'
> 'IQ. rut bom nov. jatlhtaHvIS ghaH puj ghoghDaj 'ej va[Q]Ha', 'ach
> bomchoHDI' rachchoH
rach'eghchoH?
Is this from the point of view of Vajar? Maybe it should be
{rach'eghchoHlaw'}.
> 'ej SuS HoS rech.
I don't understand this. "and he exhales strong wind." You're not
talking about exhaling forcefully (pe'vIl), are you?
> nov Hol yajbe'chu' vajar 'ach
> ghaH DuQchu' wabmey watlh lIngbogh nov ghogh. 'avwI'vaD jatlh qama'
> net tuch. bomchoHDI' nov luqIp 'ej lutammoH latlh 'avwI' 'e' Sov vajar
> 'ach vajarvaD pIm bom QIch je, vaj bom nov 'e' chaw' vajar. rut
> bompa' pagh bompu'DI' nov loQ jatlh. jatlhchoHDI' nov reH qu'choH
> vajar 'ej jach bIjatlh 'e' yImev.
I don't think {jach} is one of the verbs of saying. I think only {jatlh}
and {ja'} are.
I'd also consider using clipped Klingon here. I can imagine an annoyed
Klingon clipping this to {jatlh 'e' mev}.
> Dugh ghaH 'ach may 'ej naSbe'.
I found the perspective to be a little confusing. Sometimes the point of
view is Vajar's; sometimes it seems to be from an omnicient narrator.
If the perspective, and the topic of a paragraph, were clearer, you
could probably dispense with the many pronouns you've used.
I like a story about Klingons not acting out their stereotypes.
--
SuStel
http://www.trimboli.name/
