[88226] in tlhIngan-Hol
Re: gha'tlhIq
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (lojmIt tI'wI' nuv)
Tue Aug 31 21:04:26 2010
From: "lojmIt tI'wI' nuv" <lojmitti7wi7nuv@gmail.com>
To: "tlhingan-hol@kli.org" <tlhingan-hol@kli.org>
In-Reply-To: <201008312230.48094.j.silver@mupwi.demon.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 31 Aug 2010 21:00:57 -0400
Errors-to: tlhingan-hol-bounce@kli.org
Reply-to: tlhingan-hol@kli.org
The pieces of this are really nice, but the word order could use some attention. DochHom is the direct object of vItu'bogh, right? But you placed it after the verb instead of in front of it. And if you are using SuD as an adjective for DochHom, you don't want -bogh on it, and the translation gives no justification for adding -qu'.
So, just making those changes, you get:
nI'bogh jaj 'ej tujbogh po...
But there's another problem already. You have used the conjunction for two sentences between two noun phrases. Relative clauses don't really work as sentences. What you really mean here is: "the day (which is long) and the morning (which is hot). Two nouns, not two sentences.
There's a semantic problem, too. The day is 24 hours long, be it summer or winter. You don't want jaj. You want pem.
nI'bogh pem po tuj...
On a hot morning of a long daytime... The morning belongs to the day. They are not equals to be merely listed. They have a relationship, a hierarchy. No conjunction needed.
'I'wIjDaq charbogh DochHom'e' SuD vItu'bogh bop gha'tlhIqvam.
The little thing is the topic of the ode, right? With a string of words that long, it might be good to mark it as such, explicitly.
I don't tend to think of putty as slimy, but I'll bow to your expertise on this.
lojmIt tI'wI'nuv
Sent from my iPad
On Aug 31, 2010, at 5:30 PM, Jeremy Silver <j.silver@mupwi.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> There is another slashdot discussion, this time concerning the article voragh
> mentioned.
>
> http://idle.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=10/08/30/1328253
>
> In this discussion one joker, issued a challenge:
> "Time for someone to really get their geek on and translate "Ode To A Small
> Lump Of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning"."
>
> Normally I throw something together and post away, but this time the best I
> could come up with is pretty complicated and difficult for me to think through:
>
> nI'bogh jaj 'ej tujbogh po, 'I'wIjDaq vItu'pu'bogh SuDqu'bogh DochHom 'ej
> charbogh bop gha'tlhIq
>
> The ode of respect is about a small green and slimy thing I found in my
> armpit, on a morning of a day which is long and hot.
>
>
> Could the more experienced grammarians decipher the above as what I intended?
> Were there any glaring grammatical blunders?
> Could you suggest improvements or constructs from your own translations or
> ways to re-cast?
>
> Thanks,
> mupwI'
>
>
>
