[23476] in APO-L
[APO-L] Proposed third verse Work-In-Progress
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Buddha Buck)
Mon Jan 20 11:14:43 2003
Date: Mon, 20 Jan 2003 11:19:26 -0500
Reply-To: Buddha Buck <bmbuck@14850.com>
From: Buddha Buck <bmbuck@14850.com>
To: APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU
I mentioned in a previous email that I liked the idea of adding a third
verse, but didnt' like the specific one proposed for aesthetic reasons.
Michael Gallagher asked me on this list what my aesthetic objections
were, and I answered him privately. I included an off-the-cuff
suggestion for a third verse that addressed these aesthetic concerns.
In brief, my aesthetic objections were:
1) I think that praise should come from the outside, not from within. I
have no problem with the Fraternity being proud of its diversity, but I
don't like the idea of the Fraternity continually praising itself over
the diversity issue.
2) The proposed third verse does not mention or imply service, which is
the focus of the Fraternity. Instead, it seems too focused on the fact
that we are diverse, not what we are doing with that fact.
3) I don't think that the line "Hearts as one we praise together" works
well musically.
My work-in-progress third verse is:
> Sing we now both men and women, Brothers all are we
> Side by side to help each other serve with dignity
> Always helping, always serving, all of us agree
> Men of Alpha Phi Omega, with Equality
(This isn't identical to what I sent Brother Michael, but it's close).
It acknowledges our co-educational status, emphasizes our service
aspect, maintains parallelism with the existing verses, etc.
I don't think it's perfect, and do not have a lot of ego attached to it.
I am welcome to discussion of this verse and suggested changes to make
it better.
I don't especially like "all of us agree", but I found it a challenge to
come up with a five-syllable phrase that rhymed with "we" with the
stress in the right places that fit thematically. I don't think I lived
up to the challenge, but I came close.
In Leadership, Friendship, and Service,
Buddha Buck
Alumnus, Epsilon Sigma (University at Buffalo)
Delegate, 1998 National Convention, Minneapolis Minnesota
