[774] in Daily_Rumour
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daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (teg@Athena.MIT.EDU)
Mon Feb 15 13:06:05 1993
From: teg@Athena.MIT.EDU
To: rumor@Athena.MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 15 Feb 93 13:05:07 EST
The Daily Reamer
Monday, February 15, 1993
Volume 42, Number 4
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Military Finds Mutated Body
At 11:25pm last night, a military patrol discovered a hideously mutated body
in the basement of Building 10. The body is reported to be completely
unidentifiable, but military medical staff are confident they can make an
identification using dental records. One bystander who saw the body through
its sealed plastic bag described it as a "Darwin Grab Bag."
Body Found in Stairwell
The corpse of Eric Quaid was found in a building 35 stairwell at 3am this
morning. Cause of death was determined to be several blows to the head with
a blunt instrument. While some bystanders expressed the opinion that he was
murdered, forensics experts have not eliminated the possibility that Quaid
simply fell down the stairs, despite the fact that he was found at the top of
the stairwell.
Bomb Removal Continues
World governments are still working feverishly to defuse all of the bombs they
slung at each other. At this time there are an estimated 12,964 bombs still
littering the landscape which have not been defused.
Protesters Picket Pistachio Ice Cream
The debate over pistachio ice cream is really heating up. Protesters marched
yesterday in front of Toscanini's Ice Cream, demanding that they remove
pistachio ice cream from their menu. Supporters of pistachio ice cream
heckled and jeered at the protesters, to the point that small quantities of
frozen dairy product were thrown at the picket line. A military patrol
stepping in to disperse the disturbance was pelted by both sides before the
civilians in question fled. Numerous other pistachio-related disturbances
have been reported all over campus.
A Revolution in Cybertech
By Joanna MacKenzie
In an announcement which could affect humanity's long-standing
fascination with death, Professor Warren Potter divulged the nature of
his biotechnological breakthrough. For long years, he has researched
for the greater good of all humanity, and now his efforts have borne
fruit. His life's work is the invention of cybernetic life-extension.
His new development may have a strong impact on the world economy.
No Souvenirs From Destroyed Art --- Students Disappointed
Several students have requested pieces of the sculptures that have been blown
up. The MIT Administration, which has collected all the pieces, is quoted
as saying, "We're sure the students would rather we save the pieces and put
the sculptures back together again." All requests for souvenirs were denied.
Techday Job Fair Held Today
The Technology Day Job Fair will be held today in 35-225 at 8pm. Interested
students and corporation representatives are encouraged to attend.
Charles River Monster Sighting
The Charles River Monster was not sighted not picketing the Toscinini's
picketers in protest of any antagonism towards green things.
Coke Machine Toasted
The Coke machine just outside room 37-232 was smashed in by MIT Alumnus
Mortimer Fane, apparently in a fit of pique.
********** a special notice from the Lecture Series Committee ***********
Due to all the extraordinary conditions, LSC will be showing
a movie tomorrow. We are also glad to notify the patrons
that our popcorn machine is fixed, so there will be popcorn!
(Thanks to all of you who helped us!)
Mon. Feb 15 The Blues Brothers 10-250 7 & 10
Elwood and ``Joliet'' Jake Blues (Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi) are
two Chicago musicians on a mission from God. Wild car chases,
awesome blues music, the National Guard, and a destructive Carrie
Fisher can't stop them in their fight to save an orphanage.
Presented in amazing four-track magnetic sound!
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For more information, call the LSC MovieLine, 258-4EIT,
or the LSC office, (Control Room).
MIT, Wellesley or military ID required, one guest allowed per ID.
Admission to movies is $1.50 and a 20-Admission
Superticket is available for $28.
Problems and changes to the mailing list should be addressed to
bert@athena.mit.edu
GM NOTE:
This service is neither maintained nor supported by the actual
MIT Lecture Series Committee.
To see this information again, finger -l bert@amt.media.mit.edu
