[649] in Daily_Rumour
PRAVDA Number 2 Feb 18 1990
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Sun Feb 18 02:50:53 1990
To: rumour@ATHENA.MIT.EDU
Date: Sun, 18 Feb 90 02:49:32 EST
From: Jon Monsarrat "Dr. Who" <drwho@ATHENA.MIT.EDU>
PRAVDA
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| ``The Truth'' |
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VOLUME 47 NUMBER 2 FEBRUARY 18, 1990
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| Editor: |
| Roman Empiyer |
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UFO BOGUS, play."
CLAIM OBSERVERS
RUMORS DENIED
In an interview with several
people, it has been discovered There are no Aliens. Ignore
that there really was no UFO rumors to the contrary. Russian
sighting at all, but instead, a citizens who believe such stories
glow-in-the-dark Frisbee thrown as a KGB plot to cover up an
by cavorting young comrades, seen alien landing just north of
by several comrades who had Moscow in the hills with a
recently overconsumed vodka. frisbee story are dangerously
Eyewitnesses say they heard these un-patriotic.
overindulged comrades say, `Look,
dude, it's a UFO! Let's go call POETRY IN MOSCOW
Pravda!' Eyewitnesses also say
the telephoners passed out This poem has become quite a hit
shortly after making this phone recently:
call.
Roses are red,/ Violets are
ROMAN S. KUNTRIMAN SPEAKS blue,/ Bond is a dweeb,/ And Adam
is too.
In a short press release, he said
"I hope that even in these times, We are wondering who this Adam
we will all remember the former character is, and what his
Secretary General's last words: relationship might be with such
'Violence is the last refuge of an august personage as Commander
the incompetent'" Bond.
GERMAN REUNIFICATION: JERUSALEM MAYOR SPEAKS
FACT OR FANCY?
-YEVGENY SOLO Yesterday Jerusalem's Mayor Teddy
Kollek said that Israel should
Although both Germanies and the give up the occupied territories
United States of Amerika have including the Gaza Strip, and
signed the immense document that concentrate on absorbing the
is the Treaty of Berne-Lausanne, hundreds of thousands of Soviet
it is interesting to note that Jews expected to immigrate to
not all diplomats agree with this Israel now that Soviet borders
treaty. Ambassador Mueller {DGR} are down. Kollek, Jerusalem's
calls it `poorly conceived and mayor for 25 years, said Israel
hastily done,' and feels that will need so much human and
`[the world] cannot afford to material resources to handle the
rush into this blindly." His flow of immigrants "that I
lack of support for this bill is maintain it is impossible to
seconded by Ambassador Dahl continue at the same time to
{USA}, who also feels that this occupy the West Bank and Gaza."
bill was hastily prepared.
THE STATE OF FINANCE
These august personages' views
were countered, however, by our Minister Paichekhs' secretary,
own great Minister of Defense, one Tatiana Snarsky, delivered a
Nikolai Nokemov, who said: `I do report on the report on the state
not believe it was hasty.' of the Soviet Union's finances.
Nokemov, by his own admission, is The report, she said, was 726
a `hard-driving, militaristic pages long this year, up 74 pages
tyrant', and presumably knows from last year, a growth of 11.3
much more about such matters. percent. She predicts that it
will rise to 793 pages by next
James Bond, when questioned, year, for a 9.2 percent gain.
merely stated, `I do not feel it Citizens should not worry at this
is my place to comment on the drop in gain, however, for other
matter, considering I am the areas are doing equally well.
attache to the English Ambas- Minister of Agriculture Ivan
sador.' The English ambassador Kriemoviet said that Agriculture
was unavailable for questioning. is doing excellent this year, a
product of right-thinking state
One will have to wait until the citizens, and that any food
new Premier is chosen, however, shortages had been caused by
until we can see the outcome of errors in the Ministry of
this treaty. Remember, citizens, Transportation. The Minister of
through Service to the State is Agriculture is a wonderful ex-
greatness achieved! ample of a good Soviet citizen,
and has risen through his service
JAPANESE MAY ALL COMMIT SUICIDE to the State to positions of
higher and higher duty.
In campaigning for the new
national election in Japan, OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT ON TRIS
parliamentarian Michio Watanbe
forecast that the Japanese would At approximately 11:40 last
resort to mass suicide should the night, Father Patrick Tris was
Liberal Democratic Party lose its murdered by an assailant or
35-year stranglehold on the Diet, assailants unknown. He was shot
the nation's parliament, in 4 times with a 9mm weapon, once
tomorrow's lower-house elections. in the chest and three times in
"If the LDP loses, the yen will the head. A gun was found at the
drop, leading to inflation. scene, it appears to be the
Inflation will lead to murder weapon. The MVD is
bankruptcies. And bankruptcies investigating, and hopes to
will mean many suicides." He arrest the criminal(s) within the
added, "Such an event would be next few days. Of course,
highly regrettable." anybody who knows anything about
this crime should immediately
PORTRAIT OF THE WORLD EVENTS report it to the MVD. The death
-YEVGENY SOLO of Father Tris is saddening,
particularly in light of recent
February Ninth: While speaking in events.
London, Comrade Premier Gorbachev
was viciously assassinated. His Captain V. Riktov, MVD
assailant, one Nathan Youngman,
was disarmed by the heroic TRAVEL PROHIBITED
efforts of the KGB with some
minor assistance from one Com- Citizens, take note! Dangerous
mander James Bond, an English gases emanating from a completely
attache. natural spring which has recently
come to life in Lobstoviiy, a
February Fourteenth: Mr. small town just to the north of
Youngman, having been brought to Moscow in the hills, have made
Mother Russia to be tried for his travel there dangerous! The fumes
violent crimes against humanity, may in fact be deadly, and
escaped the just arms of the KGB therefore friendly MVD have
with the outside aid of cleared and cordoned off the
treasonous characters. Whether entire area.
this aid was coordinated by the
American Embassy is not known, ANC AGREES TO MEET DE KLERK
but if you have any information
leading to these criminal charac- In Lusaka, Zambia, the once
ters, feel free to call the KGB. banned African National Congress
announced yesterday it will send
Vice-President Danielle Pheasant a delegation to South Africa for
{USA}, on arriving in Moscow, was direct talks with President de
commisioned by the KGB to aid in Klerk on removing obstacles to
the processes of justice, and is negotiations to end the country's
working to settle this matter racial divisions. The statement
equitably, despite interference was ANC's first official response
from President Barcero, who has to de Klerk's Feb 2 initiative.
threatened war should the ex-
tradition process take more than LATE NIGHT CAROUSER
ten days.
Late Saturday night, a distur-
Only through dedication to the bance was reported in the
State can one achieve one's vicinity of the Kremlin. One man
goals. was seen being arrested by six
MVD agents, valorously doing
PALESTINIAN KILLED IN PUBLIC their job. More will be
WAS INFORMANT, ARAB PRESS SAYS published as we learn it.
In Jerusalem, hundreds of people UNNAMED MAN UNDER ARREST
gathered at a village square on
the West Bank to watch Pales- Sources high in the Judicial
tinian militants hack to death an System say that a gentleman,
Arab man who admitted being an whose name will not be disclosed,
informer for Israel, Arab is being held on a charge of
reporters said yesterday. The possession of an illegal weapon.
body of the victim, Mohammed This gentleman may also be
Khatatbeh, was left in the charged with murder, but of whom
central square of the village of was not disclosed.
Beit Furik, outside of Nablus,
and his family was not allowed to REAGAN TAPES IRAN TESTIMONY
bury him in the town. Khatatbeh
was kidnapped Tuesday and today More than three years have gone
forced to confess over by since the Iran-Contra affair
loudspeakers that he had informed was made public, and just today
on fellow Palestinians. The United States President testified
militants then asked what should on his role. His videotaped
be done with Khatatbeh, and testimony will be edited for
hundreds of villagers poured into national security and then made
the streets and chanted "Kill public, probably in the coming
him! Kill him!" week. It is expected that in
essence, he will acknowledge
ARTWORK TO BE VIEWED having approved secret arms sales
to Iran in an effort to build
Tonight, a viewing of the family relations with the Islamic
heirlooms Widow Checks, to be republic and to persuade its
auctioned later, will occur in leaders to exert pressure on
the Art Gallery (2-190) at 8 p.m. fundamentalist Lebanese groups to
Sources close to the art gallery free American hostages.
say that they fear a Palestine
Liberation Organization attack, PRIEST ACTUALLY A SPY,
for several of the pieces in the LETTER CLAIMS
collection are Jewish treasures.
An anonymous letter was delivered
KENYA'S FOREIGN MINISTER FOUND DE to the Pravda office today. It
reads:
In Nairobi, Kenya Police found
yesterday the charred body of Citizens of Moscow!
Foreign Minister Robert John Ouko
a few miles from his house, where It had come to our intention that
he was last seen four days ago. one Patrick Tris, claiming to be
Officials say he was apparently a Catholic Priest, was actually a
murdered. President Daniel Arap member of a dreaded intelligence
Moi issued a statement saying organization, the Catholic Intel-
"circumstances suggest foul ligence Agency. To us, this was
untenable that a religious or- shot. Have you left me at last
ganization would invade our for that ridic- ulous Colonel?
nation's land like that. Realiz-
ing this, we took measures to counting the second 'til you
insure that he would no longer reply....
aid in the perversion of the
minds of decent comrades. T.S.
********
-Atheists for a Better Communism
GM ANNOUNCEMENTS
PERSONALS
Gamemaster Donna Bell's username
******** is actually danae, not dane.
Dear M.C., Selina Molotov is now being
played by:
You know a lot of American-film Sherrian Lea
stars say "diamonds are a girl's Senior House, Runkle 301
best friend." How true, how x5-6482, don't call 3am-10am
true. How about you?
Note to players from Jon Monsar-
Don't be such a stranger, rat: some of today's articles and
sweatheart. yesterdays articles were nongame
real life news. Can you tell
Love, Your foxie baby. ******** which is which?
Wanted: For art show and auction, *********
any interesting or unique art
objects. Well-preserved religious A general announcement to people
icons and wartime relics of on instance moscow, players and
particular interest, and ad- non-players.
ditionally Czarist samples of
Impressionism or Cubist art. Instance moscow is an instance
Evaluation and authentification being run for the benefit of
provided as a museum service. players in an MIT Assassin's
Guild game set in Moscow.
Contact Dr. Jones with the
Tretitskaya Institute Players should try and make it
clear to non-players that things
******** like "Gorbachev' s Death" are
fictional events, not real ones,
Aliens, please contact Tatiana as appearantly there has been
Snarsky. some confusion over this in the
past.
********
-bamf
I have not seen you since
valentine's day my little vodka-
