[1144] in Daily_Rumour
San Francisco Daily Rumor-Chronicle
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (drhoads@MIT.EDU)
Sun Feb 16 18:55:08 1997
From: drhoads@MIT.EDU
To: rumor@MIT.EDU
Date: Sun, 16 Feb 1997 18:54:42 EST
Published by Simon Sinclair
FEARFUL FIREMAN FLEES FUNERAL, FOREAMS FLASHING!
Chuck's funeral was held last night, a day later than originally
scheduled. Jake, newly ordained as a priest, did the services, and
reportedly was quite good until Colonel Graff started interrupting
with tales of the darker side of the deceased. The big news, however,
was that our good Fire Marshall, on realizing that a religious service
was intended, fled the room in terror, bright flashes of light
(hellfire?) surrounding his hands. No explanation for this has been
forthcoming, other than "I didn't realize there was going to be a
religious service." Feeling some concern about the ability of people
who fail to realize that funeral's in the worship room are likely to
be religious to take care of other important matters, this paper is
withdrawing it's editorial support for his re-election. Others
interested in running for the position of Fire Marshall are welcome to
speak with our reporter to arrange an interview to secure editorial
support.
TacoDemon Takes Title
Solving the question of how to differentiate the TacoDemons, Don Juan
de Aculpulco has announced (repeatedly) that "*I* am Don Juan." The
other two Don Juan's appear to be willing to go along with this
nominatory declaration, accepting for themselves the names of
"Tijuana" and "Cancun". TacoJoe, leader of the TacoDemons, had made
no comment on this situation as of press time.
Spacewarping Attracts Attention
Three objects of immense mystical power were spotted around town last
night, an opal staff, a jade ring, and an obsidian ring. Several
people were seen to comment on them, and numerous offers to buy them
were made. Unconfirmed reports have it that the jade ring was in fact
sold, to the bartender, for an undisclosed amount. Both the opal
staff and the jade ring were involved in unexplained incidents last
night (see police log), but the wearer of the obsidian ring is
perfectly capable of keeping out of trouble, thank you very much.
Dreams Torment SF's Sleep
Much of San Francisco seems to have shared a dream last night about
stars exploding and a threat to the planet earth, allegedly sent by
one "Lord Shiva." Further investigation revealled that Shiva claims
the people of the Earth are destined for a great future, if they can
survive a few minor unpleasantnesses coming up.
Sea Serpent Not Spotted In Machine Gun Nest
Several people, including Jake McCandles and Charlie Benson, were
reportedly gunned down by a machine gun nest while exploring old San
Fran last night. They were only saved from certain death by the fact
that they were also accompanied by Magnum Parnell, the bouncer, who as
a werewolf was unharmed by the bullets. He managed to patch them up
long enough to get them out of danger. Extreme caution in exploring
the remnants of the old city is urged. Anyone who wishes to arrange
for medical attention to seek them out if they don't return from SF by
a specific time, should contact Father Simon Sinclair.
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Police Log:
(A report of the events of last night as provided by the Sheriff and
his deputies)
Fireball damage was reported in one of the rooms near the bar. After
investigation, this was determined to be a result of someone teaching
the fireball spell to a student. No action taken.
Eric Flats and Lt. Uhura were found staring at each other in one of
the rooms next to the bar, apparently frozen solid. After
approximately five minutes, they "melted" and were able to move
again. As a result of unsatisfactory explanations being presented to
date, further investigations are being persued.
Wesley was reportedly shot by his Aunt, Dr. Rheingold. He testified
under truth that this had happened, but that it was ok, because she
was breaking a hypnotic spell he'd been placed under by the salesman,
Elliot Martin, who he claimed was a vampire. Dr. Rheingold claimed
under truth that no such events had occured, and she didn't know who
had shot her nephew. Mr. Martin claimed that Wesley and his aunt
"tasted funny," and were probably space aliens. Wesley and
Dr. Rheingold were both convicted of disturbing the peace, and fined
one beer each. Investigations are continuing into the actions of
Mr. Martin in this incident.
Late reports -- It is also reported that either James Harris attacked
Frederick Taylor last night, or the other way around. The Sheriff was
still investigating when the paper was put to bed, but full details
should be in the next issue.
INVULNERABILITY ALERT: The Sheriff reports that the following people
are apparently immune to most standard forms of attack, and should be
treated with great care. James Harris, Tijuana, Fredrick Taylor, and
Magnum Parnell.
- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Classifieds:
(Classifieds generally cost one beer. They can be anonymous or not,
as desired. Anonymous classifieds should be responded to by speaking
to Father Sinclair.)
Master Brewer seeks stills to work on. Reasonable profit sharing
arrangements available.
Herbs for sale: Rosebuds, Mandrake, Wolvesbane, and more! Reasonable
prices.
Lost: half of gold locket. Five beer reward to finder.
