[485] in Humor
HUMOR: WEIRDNUZ.346 (News of the Weird, September 23, 1994)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Fri Oct 7 16:34:06 1994
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 07 Oct 1994 16:27:28 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Fri, 07 Oct 1994 13:12:21 -0600 (MDT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN%ARIES@VAXF.Colorado.EDU>
From: notw-request@nine.org (NotW List Admin)
WEIRDNUZ.346 (News of the Weird, September 23, 1994)
by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
* According to a notice in U.S. News & World Report in July, a new book
by San Diego researcher Thomas T. Samaras criticizes the negative
environmental effect of Americans' historically increasing height. Taller
people require significantly more of the earth's resources, writes
Samaras. He recommends controlling children's diets to make them shorter
and says the ideal adult would be 5 feet tall and weigh 110 pounds. [U.S.
News & World Report, 7-4-94]
Compelling Explanations
* In April in Savannah, Ga., Robert Palmer, 44, was charged with burglary
after removing a window pane and entering the home of Joseph Palmer. He
denied any motive of mischief and said he broke in only to ascertain
whether he was related to Joseph. [Savannah Evening Press, 4-28-94]
* In April, Dr. Jian-Yun Dong was convicted of 12 counts of sexual
misconduct against a female babysitter and against two female lab
assistants in his office at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. In
the course of denying the charges, Dong's attorney pointed out that one
of the allegations was that Dong forced sex in a lab at UAB while both
parties were standing up. "It couldn't have taken place," the lawyer
said. "It's physically impossible." [Birmingham Post-Herald, 4-6-94]
* In Dallas, Tex., in June, lawyer Brian Loncar defended against his
indictment for bigamy by saying he did not believe his second marriage
was valid because the wedding was performed in Las Vegas by an Elvis
Presley lookalike, that it was a "phony deal." Countered the prosecutor,
"Not necessarily. Not in Las Vegas." [AP wirecopy, 6-22-94]
* Five Florida counties have recently taken out all television sets for
jailed inmates, in order to deter crime. Said a Clay County sheriff's
deputy, "Knowing there's no television here, maybe they'll think twice
before committing a crime." Said the Jacksonville sheriff, "If people
want to watch football on TV this fall, they better not get arrested."
[St. Petersburg Times, 8-14-94]
* Clint Johnston, 69 and blind, told authorities in Mountain Home, Idaho,
in August that the recent charges against him for having consensual sex
with two 12-year-old girls should be dismissed. Johnston said that since
he could not see the girls, he did not know how young they were. [USA
Today, 8-19-94]
* Ray Von "Poochie" Everette, Jr., told a sheriff's investigator in
Gloucester, Va., after his arrest for sexual assault in June that he
crawled into bed with three sleeping women and had sex with one of them
"to prove a point." He said he wanted "to show her she could be had,"
because he suspected the woman to be a lesbian. Said the investigator,
"He thought it would bring her back right and make her act right."
[Newport News Daily Press, 6-24-94]
* Often-unsuccessful Arkansas political candidate Dan Ivy, who had just
switched from Democrat to Republican, was accused recently by his wife
Sarah, in divorce papers, of beating her. Dan denied the charge in July
and countercharged that Sarah, who like Dan weighs over 200 pounds,
recently physically beat him because of his decision to switch parties.
Dan's attorney explained that Sarah was angry at her husband's change of
party because a Republican "has increased pressure" to have a good family
life. [Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, Jul94]
What Goes Around, Comes Around
* In December, Marcus Melton, author of the book Nice Guys Don't Get Laid,
which encourages mild, virtuous men to act like rowdy, macho hell-raisers,
confronted two men who were harassing a patron in a bar in Traverse City,
Mich. They beat Melton up, leaving him with a black eye and a cut that
required four stitches. [Publishers Weekly, 1-17-94]
* In August, a television station in Jacksonville, Fla., which had been
carrying Rev. Jerry Falwell's "Old Time Gospel Hour," suspended the show,
and threatened to cancel it altogether, because of Falwell's sexually
explicit references describing the alleged foibles of President Clinton.
[St. Petersburg Times-AP, 8-17-94]
* The French newspaper Le Parisien reported in November that a black man,
who was the victim of racist remarks from an elderly woman in a Vienna,
Austria, train station, snatched the woman's train ticket and ate it.
Transit authority rules specify that a passenger without a ticket must
pay a hefty fine. [Le Parisien, 11-24-93]
* Union City, Calif., police arrested Gardner Forster, 32, in January
after he fled, nude, from a burglary scene after hiding in the homeowner's
closet. Forster leaped over a fence but landed in a neighbor's cactus
garden and was easily subdued. [San Francisco Examiner, Jan94]
* In August, Edward Musgrove, 32, attacked his estranged wife as she began
an evening route as a Los Angeles bus driver. He grabbed the steering
wheel, causing the bus to veer off the road, hit a tree, and crash into
a brick wall. The wife was not injured, but Musgrove was hurled
full-force through the windshield into the wall and was decapitated. [Los
Angeles Times, 8-17-94]
The Weirdo-American Community
* In June, the County Medical Examiner in Knoxville, Tenn., Randall E.
Pedigo, was shot after he pulled a loaded gun on law enforcement officers
who confronted him at his home on a charge that he had molested a teenage
boy the night before. A search of Pedigo's apartment turned up 97 guns
along with photos of nude, underage boys, some of which were taken, the
police allege, after Pedigo had drugged them or had convinced them that
the photos were for "medical research." [Knoxville News-Sentinel, 6-23-94
and subsequent editions]
Least Competent Person
* In February, about a year after one of the World Trade Center bombers
returned to the rental agency to get his deposit back on the van used in
the explosion, Memphis, Tenn., police arrested a 21-year-old man for
burglarizing a home. The man had left a pair of sneakers behind and had
returned several hours later, knocked on the door, and asked the
homeowner, "I was wondering have you all seen my shoes? They are red and
white Nikes." [Memphis Commercial Appeal, 2-20-94]
Copyright 1994, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights
reserved. Released for the personal use of readers.
No commercial use may be made of the material or of the
name News of the Weird.
