[468] in Humor
HUMOR: Boston Driving I
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Thu Sep 29 16:12:13 1994
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 29 Sep 1994 16:04:52 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
In the Sept 28th Boston Globe, there is an article about an annual "Bus Rodeo"
for all US public transit drivers. This year it was held in Boston. The (10
years!) reigning champion is from Medford, MA. Another driver from Iowa said
he was "confident I could take the title until I saw Boston traffic".
-Drew
Date: Wed, 28 Sep 94 12:38:48 PDT
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
From: Scott Johnson <srj@nsd.3com.com>
Subject: forwarded message from Dale Hagglund
Undocumented Bostonian Driving Rules
Many newcomers to Boston complain that the drivers here rude
and downright dangerous. This memo will correct this
misconception by describing some of the the more commonly used
"rules of the road" which are not otherwise documented. If, as
a visiting driver, you follow these helpful tips you will find
driving in Boston a safe, relaxing and enjoyable experience.
1) Do not read the driver's handbook. It is poorly
written and will only confuse you when it comes to real
driving.
2) Yield signs seen while entering round-abouts (traffic
circles for you Canadians) are there for DECORATIVE PURPOSES
ONLY. Any driver approaching a round-about should
accellerate to avoid holding up traffic. Once in the
circle, the driver must immediately yield to any traffic
entering the intersection. Deadlocks are never an issue
because one driver will always be more aggressive then all
other drivers at the intersection.
3) A green light indicates that up to three cars are allowed
to turn left BEFORE straight-through traffic can enter the
intersection. This rule is not universally enforced so
again the "most aggressive driver" prevents all deadlocks.
4) NEVER use signal lights to indicate lane changes or turns.
These only serve to distract other drivers and may lead to
preventable accidents. (As a further helpful suggestion, be
careful how you use the term "flash"; to a Bostonian "flash
at an intersection" means that you will suddenly take your
pants off. This is, of course, a very dangerous driving
practice).
5) Lane changes are always safe if done slowly enough. A
driver never needs to sholder check during a "creeping" lane
change.
6) Never make eye contact with other drivers. This is
considered a WEAK driving practice. The safe driver should
always be staring at the road immediately in front of the
car.
7) Beware of flashing yellow lights which are half the
diameter of normal traffic lights. These will unpredictably
change to solid red lights. These lights were introduced as
a cost-saving measure because:
- the light last twice as long because it is off half the
time.
- it was discovered that a small yellow ligh cost half as
much as a green light which was twice as large.
8) Headlights are never to be used during the period
starting 1 hour BEFORE dawn until 1 hour AFTER dusk. It
causes pre-mature light failures which can lead to dangerous
driving conditions at night. As well, other drivers may be
distracted. If you encounter any vehicle who's headlights
are on during the day, it is considered polite to flash you
own lights, wave your hands, or yell out the window to point
out the other driver's error.
9) Never change your driving habits because of snow conditions.
If the roads are slick and that causes you to have an
accident, you can always sue the city or town you are
driving in for not shoveling the streets off fast enough.
As a consequence of this rule, all snow-plows are operational
before the third flake hits the ground and all back-alleys
are shoveled if the snowfall exceeds 1/2 inch (1cm).
