[432] in Humor
HUMOR: Misc. bits
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Thu Sep 1 11:15:44 1994
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 01 Sep 1994 11:09:35 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Wed, 31 Aug 94 13:04:51 PDT
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
Subject: HUMOR: Lots o' recent short bits
From: rocky@cadence.com (Rochelle Grober)
>From lahti_g@karoshi.vlsi.com Fri Aug 26 11:28:19 1994
_____
/ \
| |
^^ (o)(o)
C ,---_)
| |,___| "I am Homer of Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance
| \__/ is futile. Preparation is irrel...MMMmmm...doughnut!"
/_____\
/_____/ \
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From: scott_schroeder@ins.com (Scott Schroeder)
From: <speck@ins.COM> (Philip C. Speck)
The King is alive!
Not at a 7-11 in Pocasset, Oklahoma like we all thought, but cruising down
the Information Superhighway! Now if only my local cable operator would
carry the Elvis channel...
The Elvis Presley Home Page is a musical and visual tribute to The King.
Here you can find a tour of Graceland (Elvis' home), photographs, and
sound clips. Also available are two nifty Elvis Windows applications.
http://128.194.15.32/~ahb2188/elvishom.html
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From: jeffs@sherpa.com
Subject: HUMOR: Finally, truth in packaging...
((Extracted without permission from Computerworld, Aug 15 '94))
The following product liability disclaimer accompanied a
shareware package called "EasyFlow":
"If EasyFlow doesn't work, tough. If you lose millions because
EasyFlow messes up, it's you that's out millions, not us. If you
don't like this disclaimer, tough. We reserve the right to do the
absolute minimum provided by law, up to and including nothing.
This is basically the same disclaimer that comes with all software
packages, but ours is in plain English and theirs are in legalese.
We really didn't want to include any disclaimer at all, but our
lawyers insisted."
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From: krowan@rosalind.SJF.novell.com (Kaye-Ailsa Rowan)
"The right to dislike and disagree with one another is one right that
many Americans take advantage of regularly."
-- U.S. Representative Barney Frank, Democrat-Mass.
Submitted by: buglady@bronze.lcs.mit.edu (Aliza R. Panitz) Jul. 8, 1994
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From: neuhold@dke.univie.ac.at (Karin Neuhold)
From: "Thomas Netousek (-4263)" <tkn@VNET.IBM.COM>
Subject: Humor... for UNIX freaks and others
Our OS who areth in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
Thy programs run, thy syscalls done,
in kernel as it is in user!
Allocate us this night our needed cycles,
and forgive us our page faults,
as we remove cores of those who seg fault against us.
And lead us not into single-tasking,
but deliver us from MS-DOS. Amen.
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Excerpted from RISKS-FORUM Digest Tuesday 16 August 1994 Volume 16 : Issue 32
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 10 Aug 1994 10:37:18 -0400
From: stern@panix.com (Michael J. Stern)
Subject: Adventures in Debugging
This is from *New Scientist*, 2 Jul 1994.
'Tis just 40 years since North American TV stations started broadcasting in
colour, using the NTSC system. Officially NTSC was named after the National
Television System Committee which chose it. Unofficially NTSC has often been
called Never Thrice the Same Colour.
A journalist who used to cover the NTSC told us recently of a lighter moment
at the laboratories of the record company RCA in Princeton, New Jersey, where
the system was developed. Team leader George Brown laid on a final
transmission test. A colour camera was focused on a bowl of colourful fruit in
one lab, and the received signal was displayed in another lab on a prototype
colour tube. Just before the test Brown took a banana from the bowl and
painted it blue.
For the rest of the day the engineers at the receiving end struggled
desperately to find out how their new system was faithfully reproducing the
colour of red apples, orange oranges and green grapes, but resolutely
converting yellow into blue.
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Forwards drowned :)
>WHY GOD NEVER RECEIVED TENURE AT ANY UNIVERSITY
>
>1. He had only one major publication.
>2. It was in Hebrew.
>3. It had no references.
>4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
>5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
>6. It may be true that he created the world,
> but what has he done since then?
>7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
>8. The scientific community has had a hard time
> replicating his results.
>9. He never applied to the Ethics Board
> for permission to use human subjects.
>10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up
> by drowning the subjects.
>11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted,
> he deleted them from the sample.
>12. He rarely came to class, just told students
> to read the Book.
>13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
>14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
>15. Although there were only ten requirements,
> most students failed his tests.
>16. His office hours were infrequent and usually
> held on a mountaintop.
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From: "David B. Serafini" <serafini@nas.nasa.gov>
"As the fading light of a dying day filtered through
the window blinds, Roger stood over his victim with a
smoking .45, surprised at the serenity that filled him
after pumping six slugs into the bloodless tyrant that
had mocked him day after day, and then he shuffled out
of the office with one last look back at the shattered
computer terminal lying there like a silicon armadillo
left to rot on the information highway."
Larry Brill
1994 Bulwer-Lytton Grand Prize Winner
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From: abennett@MIT.EDU
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN%ARIES@VAXF.Colorado.EDU>
...
Forwarded-by: Sam Levitt <71574,3106@compuserve.com>
From: "Walter Scott's Personality Parade" in Parade magazine 7/10/94
(included in the Boston Sunday Globe):
Q: My friend and I have a bet over who wrote the theme music for NYPD Blue.
A:...Five-time Grammy Award-winner Mike Post, 49, has composed more than
3000 hours of theme and background music for such TV shows as 'Hill Street
Blues,' 'The A-Team,' 'The Rockford Files,' 'Law & Order,' 'Renegade' and
'L.A. Law.' For 'NYPD Blue,' says Post, he wanted to capture the way NYC
assaults the auditory senses. To accomplish that, the composer digitized
the sounds of a grinding cheese grater and 1000 grunting Japanese men
stomping on a wooden floor."
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