[405] in Humor
HUMOR: engineering-speak translations
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Aug 15 15:10:44 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 15 Aug 94 15:00:37 EDT
Date: Mon, 15 Aug 1994 10:38:35 -0600 (MDT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN%ARIES@VAXF.Colorado.EDU>
Date: Sat, 13 Aug 1994 17:42:24 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: Carl Staelin <staelin@cello.hpl.hp.com>
From: sread@avistar.com (J. Stuart Read)
Top 20 Engineers' Terminologies
1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED --
We are still pissing in the wind.
2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM --
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION --
We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH --
It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED --
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it
delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE --
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING --
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED --
The only person who understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS --
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about
hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT --
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL --
Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.
12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING --
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't
interfere with what we've already done.
13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION --
I can't wait to hear this bull!
14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS --
Come into my office, I'm lonely.
15. ALL NEW --
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
16. RUGGED --
Too damn heavy to lift!
17. LIGHTWEIGHT --
Lighter than RUGGED.
18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT --
One finally worked.
19. ENERGY SAVING --
Achieved when the power switch is off.
20. LOW MAINTENANCE --
Impossible to fix if broken.
