[6] in Dilbert Redistribution
[scottadams@internex.net (Scott Adams): Newsletter 5.0]
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Alicia L Allen)
Tue Apr 4 11:13:47 1995
Date: Tue, 04 Apr 95 11:10:35 EDT
From: iggy@MIT.EDU (Alicia L Allen)
To: dilbert-redist@MIT.EDU
apparently after a weeks delay, it subscribed me,
should i keep posting them here now that you all have the
web address? (and know how to subscribe?)
-alicia
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Date: Tue, 4 Apr 1995 06:35:11 -0700
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From: scottadams@internex.net (Scott Adams)
To: Multiple recipients of list <dilbert_list@internex.net>
Subject: Newsletter 5.0
X-Listprocessor-Version: 6.0c -- ListProcessor by Anastasios Kotsikonas
Dilbert Newsletter 5.0
-----------------------
To: Dogbert's New Ruling Class (DNRC)
From: Scott Adams
Date: March 1995
Highlights:
---------------------------------------------
- New Dilbert Web site on Internet
- New Dilbert compilation book due late April
---------------------------------------------
DNRC Status Report
------------------
In just eleven months Dogbert's New Ruling Class has grown to over 20,000
cynical (yet oddly attractive) members!
But don't worry, that still leaves well over 5 billion people to do our
menial work after Dogbert conquers the planet and enslaves all non-members.
Start putting your job list together now.
Name the Non-DNRC People
------------------------
What we really need is a good derogatory nickname for non-DNRC people. The
phrase "non-DNRC people" is kinda klunky and doesn't convey our full contempt
for the fact that they squander our valuable resources such as oxygen and
vowels.
Their name should sound harmless and endearing but have a clever double
meaning. For example, we could call them "pumpkin" to their faces, then
mutter "...head" under our breath while clearing our throats.
Or we could call them "Dumplings", because you can't say dumpling without
"duh."
I'll print the best suggestion in the next newsletter. And the person who
suggests the winning name will be elevated to DNRC Sainthood.
(Note: My examples were intentionally non-funny so as not to discourage your
participation by overwhelming you with my own professional wit. I could do
much better. I'm just holding back. I'm not defensive. Leave me alone.
Stop touching me.)
Dilbert's New Home on the Internet
----------------------------------
You may notice the sudden disappearance of Dilbert from the GNN web page and
the ClariNet service.
Dilbert is moving to his own home page on the World Wide Web, courtesy of
United Media. It's open to the press on March 30th. A special DNRC preview
of the page is available on March 31st. And it's open to the general public
(Dumplings?) the next day.
Here's the address:
http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert
Here's what you'll find
====================================================
- Dilbert cartoon of the day (one week delay)
- Prehistory of Dilbert -- early rejections
- Photo tour of how I create Dilbert*
- Dilbert Newsletter archive
- Instructions on joining Dogbert's New Ruling Class
- Dilbert character descriptions.
- Early photos of me (may frighten young children)
====================================================
* Special guest appearances by Sarah and Freddie the cats
Pioneer Preference
------------------
Anybody who is on the Dilbert mailing list prior to June 1995 will be granted
permanent "Pioneer Preference" status in the DNRC. This elite status gives
you the special unalterable right to wildly exaggerate how life in the DNRC
was in the early days.
Delight your friend(s) with stories about how your first newsletter was
delivered to you over a six baud modem and filled your entire 1K hard disk.
Fortunately, you were able to rewrite the operating system of your computer
to make room, creating a new operation system called "Dogbert's Operating
System" (DOS for short) which was later adapted from its shareware version
into something commercial by a weird guy with glasses who kept hanging around
your house so he could meet your sister.
DNRC Enemies List
-----------------
I compiled an official "Enemies List" to unite the DNRC. But I could only
come up with a few names that I thought would have general agreement:
1. Little Billy from Family Circus
2. Satan
3. Marcia Clark's hair stylist
Witch Hunt
------------
I have received unconfirmed reports that executives at Computer Associates
have tried to find out which one of their employees is really the ghost
writer for Dilbert.
One of the things they don't teach you in business school is what to do when
your company starts to resemble a comic strip. I guess the executives at
Computer Associates figured that the best corrective action was to seek out
the author of the comic and punish him. That should improve morale.
In recent published reports I've also been described variously as an employee
of Hewlett-Packard, AT&T and Pacific Gas and Electric. And I've been rumored
to have links with most of the aerospace companies.
I think what's really happening in all of these companies is that disgruntled
employees are starting rumors just to tweak management. Try starting the
rumor that the author of Dilbert works at your company -- it's worth 50
points in the DNRC and it's more fun than scanning a photo of your butt and
pasting it at the top of your new org chart. (So I've heard.)
Origin of Bob the Dinosaur
---------------------------
New readers of Dilbert may be puzzled by the occasional appearance of a
dinosaur. Bob the dinosaur appeared several years ago after Dilbert did a
computer analysis which proved that dinosaurs couldn't all be
extinct...therefore, logically, they must be hiding. That's when Bob and his
dinosaur mate Dawn revealed that they had been hiding behind the couch.
Dawn is skilled at moving quietly among humans undetected, which is why you
rarely see her anymore. But Bob has to compensate for his poor stealth by
wearing tennis shoes to soften his footsteps.
So you see, it all makes perfect sense.
Complaint of Sexism in Dilbert and the DNRC
----------------------------------------------
In the last newsletter I granted sainthood to two DNRC members for their
efforts in getting Dilbert in the local newspapers. By coincidence, both
saints were men. A few women wrote letters like this one:
-------------------------------------------------------
"Dear Mr. Adams:
OK, I love the strip, etc., but in the strip and in the
newsletter the assumption seems to be that it's guys
talking to guys. I.e., the rights of saints include:
The right to relieve yourself in the parking lot of
any mall
The right to call any non-Saint "Big Guy", as in
"How's it goin' Big Guy?"
That cuts out 51% of your readers, you know what I mean?
I'm not asking for political correctness here, but there
*are* women in the computer industry and lots of them
read your stuff. I'm just asking for a little
awareness."
-------------------------------------------------------
My first reaction was to devise a brilliant and witty "reasonable doubt"
defense based on the theory that a rogue cop planted incriminating sexist
evidence in my newsletter.
I even paid my neighbor's maid to support my story. But the whole plan
started to fall apart when Johnnie Cochran refused to handle my case because
he "...didn't want to associate with a person like me."
My second plan was to scratch myself in a socially unacceptable manner and
then spit. But I was sitting in my studio at the time and I figured that
this insightful and biting satire would be totally wasted on my cats.
Eventually my denial impulse subsided. I decided to plead guilty and mend my
sexist ways. As a sign of my enlightenment I have revised the rights of
saints to be more gender-sensitive:
1. The right to relieve yourself in the parking lot
of the mall, but only after waiting in a long
line.
2. The right to call any non-Saint "Beverly."
I'm not just being politically correct. It's the right thing to do.
Dogbert Answers My Mail
---------------------------
Dogbert answers the letters that I'm too polite to answer myself.
----------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Adams:
I was perusing a forwarded copy of your Dilbert newsletter
(v.4) and noticed two instances where you used "lay" when
you should have used "lie." This is one of my biggest pet
peeves, and it distresses me no end that a talented (and
influential) cartoonist such as yourself should fall
victim to this pernicious grammatical faux pas. Please be
more careful in the future.
--m
p.s. I am not a crackpot.
----------------------------------------------------------
Dogbert responds:
Dear Crackpot,
Sounds like you need to get lied.
Dogbert
----------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Adams:
We are students at Dartmouth. We keep reading your strip
and can't find any humor there. Is it supposed to be
funny or autobiographical or what?
-- Timmy and Ron
----------------------------------------------------------
Dogbert responds:
Dear Timmy and Ron,
I hope you have athletic scholarships.
Dogbert
Best "P.S." of the Year
-----------------------
Dear Scott,
Thanks for Dilbert. He's often the only worthwhile reason for buying the
Sunday paper.
Dave
P.S. My name really isn't Dave. I've changed my name to the symbol that
looks like the word "Dave." I prefer to be addressed as "The guy formerly
known as Dave, who is now known as the symbol which looks like the word
'Dave' (but really isn't the word Dave.)"
My new name is starting to cause some confusion. I think, in part, because
the pronunciation of my new name - the symbol that looks like the word "Dave"
- does not sound like the word "Dave" at all.
Unfortunately, my new name is pronounced differently depending on who is
addressing me. The exact pronunciation also depends on the season and the
temperature, but I usually don't get mad at mispronunciations unless someone
makes absolutely no attempt at all to pronounce my name correctly.
Fortunately for you, Scott, the pronunciation of the symbol that looks like
the word "Dave" is exactly the same as the word Dave, even when its really
hot or cold outside. Of course, since this is e-mail, all this
pronunciation stuff doesn't really matter.
Sending Ideas for Dilbert
-------------------------
Most of my ideas for the strip come from e-mail. (Thanks to all of you who
took the time.)
Remember, the best suggestions are theme ideas, not dialog or "gags." I'll
do the humor part. I'm most inspired by true examples of idiotic management
and clueless business practices. The best suggestions tend to be the ones
that can be expressed in a paragraph or less.
Send them to me, not a reply to the newsletter address. I'm at
scottadams@aol.com. Thanks!
***************** General Dilbert Facts *******************
The cartoon strip Dilbert began in 1989. It now appears in over 400 papers
in 10 countries. The author (that would be me) receives up to 100 e-mail
messages per day.
I read all of my e-mail personally. But obviously I've automated many
responses. If you get a canned response it just means my fingers are tired.
I love you, really.
Despite what you've heard, I don't work at your company (unless your company
is Pacific Bell, where I work in the ISDN lab).
The most frequently asked question is "Why does Dilbert's tie curl up like
that?" The answer is either A) It's a metaphor for his inability to control
his environment or B) He's just glad to see you.
Printing, Copying, Reprinting, Licensing of Dilbert
---------------------------------------------------
The copyright and trademark for Dilbert are owned by United Media in New
York. You can call them at 800-221-4816 (International callers use
01-212-692-3700). There would be a fee that depends on how you want to use
the strip or the characters.
Dilbert Books
-------------
"Build a Better Life by Stealing Office Supplies" (new material about working
at a big company), Andrews & McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1757-8)
"Always Postpone Meetings with Time-Wasting Morons" (a compilation of the
first year), Andrews & McMeel.
(ISBN 0-8362-1758-6)
"Clues for the Clueless" from Andrews and McMeel. It's new material on the
subject of manners using the Dilbert cast. (ISBN 0-8362-1737-3)
"Shave the Whales" (a compilation of the second year of Dilbert), Andrews &
McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1740-3)
"Bring Me the Head of Willy the Mailboy" (a compilation covering 10/5/90
through 5/18/91.), Andrews & McMeel. Due in bookstores around late April
1995. (ISBN 0-8362-1779-9)
Check with any bookstore. If that fails, call the publisher directly at
800-826-4216 and order by mail. (International callers use 01-816-932-6700)
Dilbert Business Videos:
------------------------
Cohen/Gebler Associates has created a set of short animated Dilbert business
videos for meetings, workshops and presentations. The videos are based
closely on themes from the strip. They're used primarily as ice breakers.
Six titles are currently available:
- Dilbert on Quality
- Dilbert on Managing Change
- Dilbert Does Sales
- Dilbert Does Meetings
- Just the Breaks #1 (Mingling Groups)
- Just the Breaks #2 (110%).
Prices start at $99.
Call 1-800-208-3535 for more information. (International callers use
01-617-262-4242)
Dilbert Shirts and Mugs from Signals:
-------------------------------------
Call Signals Catalog at 800-663-9994. (International callers dial
01-612-659-4312.)
Design: St. Dogbert drives out demons of stupidity
Mug: Item #38823
T-Shirt: Item #38821
Sweat Shirt: Item #38822
Dilbert Shirts from Quality Classics:
-------------------------------------
Coming soon to a retail store near you -- Dilbert T-shirts and sweat shirts
from Quality Classics. There will be eighteen new designs in the first
batch. Look for 'em.
Dilbert Screen Savers
---------------------
The Dilbert Screen Saver (Windows or Mac) is available at major retail stores
and mail order. If you have any questions or want to order direct from
Delrina, feel free to call them at 1-800-315-5848 (international callers use
01-416-441-3676).
Online Dilbert Sources
----------------------
- America Online (older daily strips) (Keyword: Dilbert)
- World Wide Web (NEW!!!)
http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert
About the Dilbert List
----------------------
It costs you nothing to be on the Dilbert Newsletter list, except for the
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------------------------------
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Getting Old Newsletters
-----------------------
You can get back issues of the Dilbert Newsletter automatically by sending an
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You can use that command form for newletters 1.0, 2.0, 3.0 and 4.0, sending a
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But the best way is to visit the Dilbert web site if you have a web browser.
See above.
Problems Signing Up for the Newsletter
--------------------------------------
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Reprinting This Newsletter
--------------------------
Feel free to copy, post and distribute this newsletter within the bounds of
good netiquette.
Scott Adams
scottadams@aol.com
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